911blondie
LITTLE ABOUT ME, OK PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING ABOUT ME
Sep 16, 2007
I AM JUST STARTING MY JOURNEY, SO HERE GOES. I AM 29 YRS OLD, AND HAVE BEEN OVERWEIGHT AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER. I AM THE GIRL WITH THE PERSONALITY, SO I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS, BUT HAVE HIDDEN AN EXTREME SADNESS BEHIND THE SMILE AND THE LAUGH. THERE IS NOTHING I HATE MORE THAT BEING THE "FAT GIRL" I WAS MADE FUN OF THROUGH ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, BUT BY HIGH SCHOOL I WAS BIGGER THAN THE OTHER GIRLS AND I THINK PEOPLE WERE TO SCARED TO SAY ANYTHING TO ME. I GOT THE JOB I WANTED RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL, AND BECAME A 911 DISPATCHER, ALTHOUGH I LOVE THAT PROFESSION, THERE I WAS SITTING AT A DESK FOR 12 HRS A DAY DOING NOTHING BUT SNACKING, SO YOU CAN IMAGINE WHAT THAT LED TO. I HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS WHO WERE MEN, BUT WHEN ONE CAME ALONG WHO WANTED TO MARRY ME I CLUNG ONTO IT. BIG MISTAKE, I WAS MARRIED FOR ONLY 1 YEAR AND 3 MOS. DURING THAT TIME HE WAS NOT ONLY MENTALLY ABUSIVE BUT PHYSICALLY, HE MADE SURE THAT HE HAD ME BELIEVING THAT I WAS FAT, UGLY, GROSS, STUPID, AND THAT OF COURSE NO ONE WAS EVER GOING TO WANT ME. WELL BEING ALONE FOREVER WAS BETTER THAN ENDURING THAT SO I MADE HIM LEAVE. I THEN SET OUT TO PROVE TO HIM THAT EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS NOT TRUE, I STARTED EXERCISING, THAT WAS NOT WORKING FAST ENOUGH, SO I DID WHAT I THOUGHT I HAD TO DO, AND THAT WAS BINGING AND PURGING, I WAS DESTROYING MYSELF EVEN MORE, I DIDN'T KNOW IT AT THE TIME, THAT LASTED FOR ABOUT 6 MOS. I MET A MAN WHO WAS EXCITED TO BE WITH ME, THOUGH I WAS GREAT, PRETTY, ETC ETC..SKIPPING FORWARD A FEW YEARS WE ARE MARRIED. THE WEIGH STARTING COMING ON SLOW AT FIRST, 10 LBS OVER 1 YEAR, 20 LBS THE NEXT YEAR. THEN AFTER WE GOT MARRIED, I GOT PREGNANT. WELL I COULDN'T LET MY CHILD STARVE COULD I??? HECK NO, SO I DID WHAT I DO, AND I ATE, AND ATE, AND ATE. WHEN MY SON WAS BORN I WAS WELL OVER 300 LBS. I LOOK AT THOSE PICTURES AND YOU CAN BARELY TELL I AM PREGNANT, I JUST LOOK HUGE. I HAD GESTATIONAL DIABETES, AND STILL CONTINUED TO EAT. AFTER MY SON WAS BORN, I STARTED SEEING A COUNSELOR FOR SOME POST PARTUM DEPRESSION, I AM SURE IT WAS MADE WORST THAT I WAS AT MY HEAVIEST, AND FELT LIKE THIS WOULD BE IT, MY HUSBAND WAS GOING TO LEAVE AND I WAS EXACTLY THE LOSER MY FIRST HUSBAND SAID I WAS. I STARTED THERAPY, AND SOME MILD ANTIDEPRESSANTS, AND WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. SHORTLY AFTER THIS TIME, A FRIEND OF MINE HAD OPEN RNY, I WAS SUPPORTIVE OF HER, AND WISHED SO BAD THAT MAYBE SOMEDAY I COULD ALSO HAVE A CHANGE IN MY LIFE THAT WOULD TAKE ME OFF THE FOOD/DIET ROLLERCOASTER. SHE TOLD ME ABOUT HER PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN, SUGGESTING I GO AND SEE HIM, THAT HE WAS A PART OF THE HURLEY BARIATRIC AFTER CARE TEAM, AND THAT HE KNEW A LOT ABOUT WEIGH LOSS. i MADE AN APPT WITH DR MINISIAN, AND HE HAS BEEN ONE OF MY GREATEST CHEERLEADERS EVER SINCE. I HAVE SEEN HIM AND BEEN ON HIS WEIGH LOSS PROGRAM FOR 17 MOS NOW. I DID LOSE ABOUT 45 LBS AND WAS DOWN TO 237 AT MY LOWEST,BUT NOW MY WEIGH HAS STARTED MOVING UP AGAIN, AND I AM ABOUT 252. HE TOLD ME IT WAS TIME TO TALK ABOUT LIFE ALTERING CHANGES, AND SO WITH HIS SUPPORT AND THE SUPPORT OF MY FAMILY, I AM IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING APPROVED (HOPEFULLY) FOR MY LAPBAND. MY BIGGEST CONCERN RIGHT NOW IS I AM NOT "SICK ENOUGH" BUT I AM PUTTING MY FAITH IN GOD AND MY TEAM OF SUPPORTERS AND HEALTH CARE PROVIDERS, AND SEEING WHERE I AM HEADED. PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, AND KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED...I WILL KEEP YOU ADVISED OF THE PROGRESS!!!!
