Mar 24, 2018
Off to a good start today. First off I would like to start though by saying thank you to a woman whom I’ll remain nameless. You have been following me in my fitness pal and now here as you are preparing yourself for the, (#1 best decision I’ve made), weight-loss surgery. I feel some days as I struggle through my journey that I am discouraging you and that I am not helping to be supportive of what your needs are or will be, and that I am not passing on very good advice and/or just discouraging you. Through all of this, you have been very supportive of me with your own advice and kind and encouraging words. You’re going to do great! Nobody has ever said this is an easy journey; at least nobody that has had this surgery and has walked in our shoes. It’s a journey that has to be gone through one day at a time or even sometimes one meal at a time or one hour at a time. The way we will make this a good journey, if a full filling journey and/or a positive journey is to persevere and never give up. If you fall, get right back up again, if you get discouraged, stay positive and it will get better. If this is something that you really want, and I’m sure you do because you wouldn’t be here reading this, LOL, then it will happen, and you will get what you want out of it.
Now enough of my preaching… I am waiting outside of therapists office right now waiting for my husband. As soon as we leave here I’m going to go home and make me a salad with some spring mix, mozzarella cheese, turkey, hard-boiled egg and some avocado Yummmm! I am really looking forward to it.
Mar 21, 2018
Today is going to be a GOOD day and the beginning of a BETTER journey going forward. I came across this verse yesterday in one of my devotionals and it really made me think…...
A wise woman builds her house.
But a foolish woman tears hers down
with her own hands.
I saved it as a screensaver on my phone so I will see it often and hopefully keep me thinking about what I am putting into my body, a/k/a my house. I found a devotional that speaks about food struggles, different ways we think regarding food, etc and it has a 21-day challenge that goes with it on weight loss Gods Way. I’m reading it and so far, it’s pretty interesting…it can’t hurt, right. If I can work on and change the way I see food, think about food, etc then I should be able to beat this head hunger game that my brain loves to play with me. The day is young, it’s only ?1 p.m.? but I’m still doing and feeling great and am REALLY determined to make this work. I’m not even worried about going home after work today which is really a change. I think some of that has to do with the fact that I really didn’t have the best night. It all started at my doctors appt yesterday. I had an EKG done so they could just make sure that my depression meds aren’t causing any interactions with my sleeping med. She comes back in and said that everything looks good except she felt my heart rate was low. It was 56 which may be a little low but I exercise and I’m not overweight anymore so it does tend to be lower so its average for me now. LOL…never thought I’d hear it’s too low. She proceeds to tell me that she wants me to cut the dosage in ½ of my sleeping med and try to wean off it to see if that helps. Really? I just increased my dose a month ago because I was still having a hard time to sleep. Melatonin doesn’t help me at all and we’ve tried other meds that either don’t work or they think it could counteract with my other med. Normally, I go to bed between ?7:30-9:00? and get up ?around 5:00 a.m.? Last night I didn’t get to bed till almost ?11:30? cause I just wasn’t tired and was wide awake ?at 4:00?. So much for weening off the sleeping med. Ahhhhhh! My plan for today is to get home from work, take a shower, eat my dinner, read my devotional and finish updating this, then head to bed. I’m too tired right now to worry about food, lol.
Well I finished my day and guess what… I’m under my calorie goal, yay! I got home from work and of course my husband and son were arguing which is nothing new but thank goodness they have Cub Scouts tonight so I can have a little bit of quiet time. I came in and grabbed a little container, which is about just under a quarter of a cup of my omega-3 trail mix and sat down to unwind for a few minutes. This was about 5:15. I put away my things from work afterwards and went to take a shower around 6 o’clock right after they left. By the time I got out of the shower, got dressed, cleaned up after myself did the dishes and then made my dinner I finally sat down to eat around 7:20ish. It’s almost 8 o’clock now and I’m exhausted so I’m not even thinking about eating anything. I’m going to finish writing up my thing here, read a little bit in my devotionals, make my tea, my nighttime tea that is, then I’m gonna head up to bed so hopefully I’ll be able to get some sleep tonight which I’m sure I can because I’m exhausted. Hope everyone else had as good of a day as I did.
Mar 20, 2018
I’ve been writing my thoughts and feelings on paper them blogging them in here cause I’ve been really busy with work so I’m typing in what I have written down. Didn’t want to confuse anyone, lol.
~So, the weekend is over and it’s Monday once again. It’s crazy how weekends just seem to vanish so quickly and it seems to always be Monday and Friday. I did struggle a bit over the weekend which is really making me do a lot of thinking. It’s discouraging to think to myself how I made it through that 3 day fast as easily as I did then struggle so quickly and easily immediately after. I know that I can’t let myself get discouraged though because not only will it not help me, but it’ll just make things that much more difficult for me.
I’m doing ok so far today but it’s getting to be almost time to go home and I’ve had such a crazy, stressful day at work that I’m actually nervous about going home. That’s when I seem to end up losing control of any willpower or positive thinking I have.
~ I am doing really good today. When I got home from work yesterday though, my fear became my reality and I over ate. I didn’t splurge on junk food per se, but just a lot more than I really should have eaten. It was as though I had an endless hole in me that kept craving more and more food. I ended up going to bed early because I knew that the longer I stayed up, the more I’d eat and I couldn’t do that. I went up to bed and as I was laying in my bed, I was praying and trying to wrap myself around the reasoning behind why I can’t control this and keep sabotaging myself like I do. While I laid there my phone made a beepy noise almost like when I get a message so I rolled over to see what it was. It was actually a reminder notification for one of my devotionals that is about weight loss Gods way. I opened it up which led me to a link to a 21 day weight loss God’s Way challenge, which then led me to a Facebook support group for it then another WLS support group based on spirituality. I was like, WOW, something was trying to tell me something and it really made me think A LOT. To make a long story short, I signed up for the challenge which I believe starts in a day or 2, joined the Facebook group and had a really good day today. Now I’m drinking my bedtime tea, going to plan my food for tomorrow, read my devotionals and head to bed. THERE IS HOPE!
Mar 17, 2018
Well I did it… I went the whole three days without eating any solid foods at all. I thought it was going to be really difficult but it really wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. I did a lot of reading of my devotionals that were mainly about the struggles of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and weight through praying and positivity amongst other things. I also ended up losing the 5 pounds that I’ve been struggling with to get me back to where I was right before I had my surgery. I’m also feeling really good and positive about how I’m going to take this journey going forward. I started off this morning with a nice hot cup of tea then I had my usual yogurt with a half a packet of sugar free oatmeal in it, 1/2c of frozen blueberries and 1/8c of protein granola. What I was doing before was also adding a 1/4c of omega-3 trail mix to that but I’m going to either have the trail mix or the granola from now on instead of both. For lunch I had about 3/4 of a cup of spring mix, I did put about 1 cups worth but was getting kind of full so I ate the proteins in it and pushed the greens aside. In that salad, I had 2 oz of diced ham which I normally would have 3 oz, 3/4 oz of mozzarella cheese which I normally would have a full ounce to an ounce and a quarter, I had a hard-boiled egg and almost half of an avocado with about half a tbsp of light balsamic vinaigrette and I half a tbsp of light ranch dressing. It was the perfect size. I did have a morning snack though of a piece of pie. It was made with sugar free pistachio pudding, crushed pineapple and lite cool whip in a graham cracker crust.
Right now I’m sipping a coffee while reading and journaling. I’m going to have a raspberry cheesecake quest bar got my afternoon snack. Hope it’s good.
It’s cold out so I made a nice pot of soup for dinner. I found a package of creamy loaded baked potato soup, added 6 oz of diced up turkey kielbasa, frozen spinach, frozen broccoli and 1/2 c of quinoa. It’s going to be so good.
It’s almost bedtime now. I had my bowl of soup and it was really good. I portioned out the rest of it into 4 1.5c servings for any of us to have throughout the week. It’ll probably end up being me eating them anyway cause nobody else seems to eat the leftovers unless I pretty much make them, lol.
Going to have my tea soon and head to bed. Was an ok day...could have been a little bit better as I still have a lot of work to do as far as head hunger but it could have been much worse.
Mar 15, 2018
Day one went really well so I am really proud of myself. Now on to day 2. I’m at work right now (7:30 am), sipping my coffee as I do my morning reports. I have all my waters/Crystal light ready for the day and my morning tea is all set to make for my 8:45 meeting. I have three bottles, a 32 ounce and 2 24 ounce ones that I set up right away and I drink them all before I leave here at 5 o’clock.
Now it’s 1 o’clock. I’m almost done drinking my waters; and yes I take many trips to the bathroom. It’s OK, LOL, I at least get my steps in. So far I’m feeling really good and I’m not even struggling. Yay! I took a short lunch break today too because I’m leaving early to go to Owen’s robotics competition over at the tech. I took the time on my lunch break to read some of my devotionals too and they’re actually pretty interesting as far as the spiritual aspect of food struggles.
........ ok... now it’s 4:30 and I’m at the competition sitting here waiting between rounds. I have my water and I just finished my coffee. I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired, because I haven’t eaten, or because it’s just so loud in here but I am getting a headache. I suppose that would be normal though for any of those reasons. I am starting to feel a little bit hungry too so I’m trying to just keep my mind distracted and concentrating on other things.
Well I made it… It’s now 830 and I’m here sipping on my PM tea. We got home around 6 o’clock from the competition and my headache did go away. I got my stuff taken care of and put away from work, did a couple chores around the house and made myself a shake with my fair life milk, half a banana, a scoop of creamy chocolate slim fast powder and a packet of ITworks keto coffee. I put that all on my mini blender with ice and oh my goodness, it is so so good. I could drink it all day. After I finished that I helped the kids get ready for bed and now here I am drinking my tea, journaling in my blog and then I’m going to read my devotionals before I go to bed. Day two done and I am really super proud that I did this because I really had my doubts but I persevered and here I am. Yay for me! One more day and I know I can do it.
Mar 14, 2018
Monday started out good and then I ended up bombing in the evening. Well, yesterday was is a brand new day and a brand new start. I did end my night Monday with a nice hot cup of Amber’s detox tea. It was pretty good and I did sleep good.
Yesterday, I replaced one of my coffee’s with a cup of detox tea. It was OK. I would like to start incorporating some detox teas into my day in place of the once a month cleanse Amber and I have been doing. I went online looking up all kinds of different sites, brands, types, ingredients and reviews of different teas. I did find one that sounded good and in all of those categories so to speak. I ordered it, so we’ll see when it comes in. It’s one that you have a cup in the morning and one before bed like the ones Amber has. It’s only tea so I guess it can’t hurt to try, right?
So obviously Tuesday started out with the best of intentions until the afternoon time when everything sort of spiraled out of control. We closed the bank at 2 o’clock because of the snowstorm and at that point I had been doing really good minus the snack sized Twix that I had after breakfast. Well to make a long story short; I got home from work with good intentions until John, (my husband), came home from work with four homemade banana chocolate chip raisin cookies that he made it work. He brought one home for all of us and I grabbed one of them right away. Sweets; my darn weakness! Ahhh! That was unfortunately the beginning of my downward spiral. After that, it’s not like I had splurged on junk food or anything because we don’t have any in the house; thank God. I just constantly feel hungry! I had a couple of my measured out containers of trail mix, I had a chicken, spinach and feta egg roll for my lunch, then another one for a snack, etc etc; and it just goes on. Ugh! It’s snowed all day so we will just relaxing at home obviously so I also took the time to get some devotionals in my Bible app. I found a couple of them that revolve around food struggles, fasting, and some other similar topics. I started reading and decided then and there that I am really going to try my best to seek spiritual help in my “food addiction” struggles. I am going to start to do is somewhat fast, today, tomorrow and Friday to get me started. Obviously I can’t fast from getting my nutrition obviously so my goal is to have no solid foods; just milk, protein shakes, coffee and tea. It IS going to be hard I’m sure but I am determined to give it my 100%. Work really isn’t too bad. The real challenge for me is once I get home from work. That’s when I am really needing a lot of prayers.
Funny but not so funny story....I was at work this afternoon, where there just always seems to be food, ugh! Well anyway, today, there’s a couple woman going around giving everyone a bowl of ice cream with with homemade maple syrup on it. That really doesn’t tempt me at all so I hollered over the wall, “if anyone wants a second one, let me know cause I’m not having one”. Jens yells back over, “it’s not going to kill you”. She says stuff like all the time even though she means nothing by it, she just doesn’t understand. I did yell back over, “not having any won’t kill me either”.
It is now 8:45 pm and I have not had solid food all day and I feel...... GREAT!!!! I’m sipping on my pm tea right now while I finish this up then I’m going to read my devotionals before I head up to bed. Don’t know if prayer had part to do with it, but today was actually so much easier than I anticipated. Yay! Day one is done. I can only pray that tomorrow will be just as easy.
Mar 12, 2018
How in the world do I handle or control these darn food cravings at night when I’ve done so well during the day? Is there something I should be doing during the day? Should I be eating something different during the day to prevent the evening cravings? Anything????
All I can do for now is start again tomorrow with the best of intentions, positivity, and prayer.
Mar 12, 2018
Sorry I haven’t been on here in a few days with any updates. I have actually been doing pretty good as far as my trying to cut back on sweets though and I even did my second cleanse over the weekend. I’ve been pretty busy lately with work, taking care of my family, doing chores and things around the house, and during my downtime I haven't actually been working on my cross stitch project because I’ve been trying to read more devotionals and different things from the Bible to try and help myself a little more in the spiritual aspect. I found a 21 day devotional that is called, Made to Crave snd it’s pretty interesting. It speaks about how the Lord, the Bible and our own spirituality can help us in our healthy eating journey. Who wouldn’t thought...?
I did read myself this morning I finally into the 130s. It was only 139.8 at “130” number that I’ve been trying to get down into so that was pretty cool. I have been working a lot harder I’m trying to take two bites of protein in one bite of vegetable or whatever else I have on my plate in the is the hard as is, I’ve been trying to eat a little bit more slower and to be a tad bit more mindful of that.
So, omg what a crazy stressful day I’m having at work then I have a meeting after work at 5:00. Ahhhh! I’m doing decent minus the snack sized Twix and dark chocolate French truffle I caved in and went and grabbed. “”accountability””. I did journal them down in MFP and am trying to get the extra steps in so I don’t fall in the red (calorie deficit). I’m keeping an eye on that. It’s just that it seems that no matter how much I’m trying to do, I seem to be getting nothing done. I know it’s not an excuse to eat the chocolate but I wanted it and I’m counting it into my day. I’m going to try and keep my head up the remainder of the day, lol.
Mar 05, 2018
I read a blog post from someone that is 8 years out from RNY and a lot of what she said really hit me in the way that I could really relate to her habits, thoughts and challenges and how to try and work on them. I’m really going to try things a little bit different or should I say, try things in ways that rny patients should be living by.
Had my salad for dinner tonight. Spring mix, 1 oz mozzarella cheese, 1 hard boiled egg, 3 oz cubed ham and a drizzle of light ranch & light balsamic vinaigrette. I concentrated mostly on the protein components and ended up leaving 1/3 of the spring mixture in the bowl. Usually I have a half an avocado in it too so this was different got me to actually feel full on just that.
Had an apple rice cake with 1T of peanut butter for a snack before bed in which I will be heading up as soon as I finish typing this, lol. I am very proud of myself today. Lord, give me the strength to do it again tomorrow. One day at a time. I do have all my food prepped for tomorrow so that is a start in the right direction.
Mar 05, 2018
So far so good. It’s 1:00 and I’ve already drank 56 oz of water NOT including my coffee. Had my breakfast and just finished my lunch. This is the part of the day that starts getting hard for me. As the day goes on it’s like the back of my brain starts thinking about food. WHY??? Then I worry about going home because I always seem to stumble there. Ahhhh! I’m going to do my best today to stop that. Not sure exactly how yet, lol, but I’m going to try.