Dear Obesity—You will Never Control Me Again

Mar 14, 2017

Dear Obesity:

I first met you in my early twenties, after becoming a young mom married to a alcoholic, and that my dear friend is when you showed up in my life. You were a friend I had hoped I would never meet, or have to deal with for almost twenty years of my adult life.

You slid into my life almost unnoticed that should of been my first red flag, but then again who knew that you would be so abusive to me? Seemed the worse my personal life became with struggling to maintain a failing marriage, raising children whom I hoped would have a better childhood than I did, you were always sitting there in the corner just laughing at me. All the while I was beginning to hate myself the bigger and bigger I got, thoughts of things my real mother told me growing up started to play in my head. “You will never amount to anything” “I wish I had aborted you when I had a chance” “You are nothing but a slut” “I hate you, your ugly” “No man will ever love you”. This only led to me becoming so insecure and weak as a Mother and as a human being and as a woman.

Throughout our friendship of over 20 years you robbed me, you robbed my children, you robbed my family. You robbed them of having a active Mother who could go to the park with them and hang out with them and take them to amusement parks, go to school functions, enjoy family events and just be a healthy and active Mother. You robbed by my ex-husband of having a active wife who not consumed with guilt and depression that she could barely function.

Cruise Sept 2013

As you slowly took hold of my life, I tried to hide behind my mask of happiness like everything was just fine in my life. Even though anyone looking at me could see the depression and shame written all over my face. My family tried on many occasions to break those chains you held on me, by telling me how concerned they were for me. Not only for my health but for my life, they were afraid they were slowly watching me kill myself, and I was. I may not have grabbed a knife or a bottle of pills, but by every drink I took of a soda or stealing a sugary snack to make me feel better I was slowly and surely killing myself day by day. So many times I tried on my own to break your chains on me, and so many times I failed. From trying the latest diet craze or the newest diet pills and each time I tried, and each time I failed. In your dark corner, you simply sat there gaining strength and power over me and laughing that I was not strong enough to break that hold you had over me.

The worst part of this hold you had over me, was ever thinking that I was not deserving of love. Thinking that I was nothing and I deserved to get abused physically and verbally from my ex-husband, thank you for that. You made me think that being abused, burned with cigarettes, slapped, punched, and sexually abused in his drunken hazes was an “OK” thing and that I deserved this, because I was nothing. As much as I hate you for everything you stole from me, the saddest part is I hate myself more, because I let you.

My Birthday May 2013

It took me 22 years of living in your shadow before one day by the grace of God that I decided I was worth something. That I was beautiful both inside and outside, and most importantly I wanted to be in my children’s lives as a active and healthy Mother. It was on that day that I learned to not only move on from my abusive ex-husband but also move on to learning how to improve myself and to start breaking that nasty bond you held over me for too long. No longer would you tell me that sitting my office in my chair away from society, drinking sugary drinks and eating unhealthy snacks was a way better life. Slowly step by step I learned that being active, and being social was the best therapy I could ask for. It was the scariest time of my life to learn to try new things, to accomplish new goals, and to learn to open myself up and learn to make new friends. But by allowing myself to be vulnerable, slowly chain by chain your hold over me began to fall to the way side.

March 2017-The NEW ME

Since losing our friendship I have accomplished so many goals in my life, from walking and running parts of a 5K’s, to working out a gym alone and with friends. To attending and enjoying Six Flags for the first time in twenty years with my family, to going on a 7 mile hike with my sister and best friend Lisa, to being a inspiration for others to loose weight and get healthy, to meeting the love of my life. And for the first time in my life being in a healthy and happy relationship. So today, as I sit here in my office I am proud to say I survived our dysfunctional friendship and I have overcome you and I will never allow you to come into my life again and take hold of my life. Today I live my LIFE for me and for my family, fighting everyday to make sure you never, ever come back into my life again.

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