GrammySusan

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I am 63 years old. I began to gain weight about age ten when my permanent teeth came in extremely crooked. I was teased and bullied so i stayed home. My mom was very self absorbed and showed what love she could by leaving us food to eat whenever we wanted. My sisters and brother had their own lives and friends. Food became my best friend. When i was 12 i weighed 140 pounds.

I was invited to Weight Watchers when i was 16 (169 lbs)  and lost down to 143. I met my husband the end of my senior year and put on a few pounds. We married in 1974 when i was 19 and i weighed 155.  The next year i got pregnant with our first son and i gained 50 pounds. After the birth i only lost twelve pounds!  I went back to WWs and got down to my lowest weight ever 129 but it took 5 years to do it and then it slowly came back on. When i got pregnant with our second son (165) i attended WWs faithfully but still packed on 55 pounds and did not lose it after the birth.

My marriage was rocky as my husband was narcissistic and controlling. He had crazymaking behaviors and i thought i was crazy. I would eat my feelings and eat to "punish" him!   I was blessed to be invited by a friend to take an Interpersonal Communications college class and it opened my eyes to see my situation clearly. I began to stand up for myself. He retaliated by cheating with another friend! I divorced him in 1996 but still had to coparent with him.  I remarried him in 2005 after i learned to speak up and stand my ground on how i expected to be treated. I had continued to work on my weight loss and health but still never got below 175.

We did have a great year of remarriage but then our younger son died suddenly of mononucleosis.  We all thought he had the flu!  For a time i let myself go in my grief and gained again. I realized my son would not want me to treat my self badly so i tried to pick my self up and sought help for depression from my doctor. Thank God for meds! 

I began walking and eating right and went up and down a few pounds every month pretty much maintaining in the 190s. Around 2011 i was treated with steroids for low platelets. I ballooned to my highest weight of 230. It was horrible! Thank God for my TOPS group. With their encouragement i lost 47 pounds! But it took a year to do it. 

We moved away from my TOPS group and i have been struggling on my own for years. Therapy has helped and then in May my therapist sent me to a psychiatrist to discuss my meds. I told her i had signed up for the Bariatric Program at Loma Linda weighing 201 at 5'2". I told her i was having the hardest time keeping from eating my feelings of lonliness at night. She changed my antidepressants and prescribed Low Dose Naltrexone for cravings. I have to say it has been a life changer. I have lost 5 pounds per month since i have been on it.

My current weight today is 172. She would like me to stay on the meds and not have WLS. I know how much i need surgery to be able to maintain any weightloss in my older years. I have a track record of gaining slowly.

I have one diet class and a consult before i can be scheduled for WLS. At my GI appt they found a hiatal hernia. I figure i need surgery for that so WTH i will go ahead and get sleeved. It makes sense to me but not to my husband. 

I am so thankful for this forum. We live in Big Bear CA and i have no other support nearby. You are all very encouraging to each other and hope to be as successful as you all!

Thanks for caring,

Susan Hernandez