Jenn A.
My last story did not survive the conversion of OH Profiling so I will just have to retell it.
I first started gaining weight when I was about 6 years old. By the time I was 12 years old I was fat enough to be choosen to play the lead roll in our class production of "Blubber". My teacher said she choose me because she knew I could gracefully pull it off. She said she never felt that I was bothered by what others said. At the time I felt it was true but now I know differently. I would hide my feeling and go home and eat and eat and eat. Wow isn't that true for many of us. This was the first of self inflicted abuse on my self, it lead into sleeping with men just to feel loved(I can't count the number between 1986-1987 alone. It also lead into abuse of the bottle and 2 DUI's and I had numerous relationship where I was involved with men who was abusive to me in one form or another. I was married the first time at 19; by the time I was 24 I had been married twice, my first husband was abusive, but my second one was not his parents sure were. By the time I was 28 I finially broke that cycle and started to move on with my life. I met my husband and he did not care if I was fat or skinny red or purple, he loved me for the inside. In fact when I meet him I was 178lbs. it was after I started taking Depakote that I started gaining weight again. In a short time I gained over 150 lbs. My husband never noticed it not because he did see it but because what the outside is just doesn't matter to him. He was always behind me for the surgery and now that I am seeking a revision he is still behind me. After my RYN I finially realized why I started the vicious cycle of poundage, I was 5 years old when a neighbor started sexually molesting me, in December of 2002 I saw his wife in a store and it dawned on me that she was fat and always had been. At that young age I must have put 2&2 together and said she is fat and he don't want her so if I get fat he won't want me. Well welcome to my world for those reading this to see if this is the right path for you welcome and read and read but remember only you can dicide if this is the right path for you. Hugs to all.
