well ok

Apr 17, 2023

I didn't post anything last week because I was just in a black hole. After finding out that I would have to wait 4 months to do another psyc evaluation I thought I was ok. yes it hit me hard but I thought about it and I was like "no its ok. i can do this." Well I guess my depression side of my brain was like "nope, you suck and now you are going to go down a dark hole and stay there for a bit." well I did, but during that dark hole I found that I didnt eat my feelings like I usually do. I actually stayed on my plan. Yes did I only have the energy to just go to work and than back to bed, yep. Granted I work from home so all i had to do was roll out of bed, put headphones on and talk give refunds all day. 

You want to know what brought me out of my black hole? Its going to be stupid and some TMI but its ok. So I have been on this plan where I have Protien shake for breakfast, protien shake for lunch and a really balanced dinner. I actually feel full all day and i always make my dinners really nice. but I have found that the protien has made me constipated and when I take a poo (or at least try to) it hurts. Like its not alot of poo when I go but its they feel like the size of a jagged soda can coming out of my butt. Like what the hell?!?! SO heres where the coming out of my emotional black hole happens. The other day I am trying to get this horrible poo out and I am straining so hard I threw by back out. You heard that right..I THREW MY BACK OUT TAKING A CRAP!! I could only walk bend over at close to a 90 degree angle and it was only to like couch to the chair to my bed. Laughing hurt and thats all i was doing was laughing. Its a new low when you throw your back out taking a dump. And whats sucks about the hole thing is that the dump that threw my back out wasnt even satisfying. It was the size of a damn pebble. I'm crapping like a deer and I threw my back out. 

Yeah so that was my past two weeks. Dard depression hole, stayed on my plan and threw my back out taking a dump. LOL

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