Salty snack craving

Feb 18, 2020

I know salty snacks like chips and popcorn is a huge no when in the bariatric game.  I have been trying to eat better because I have a revision coming up.  However, I crave salty snacks before I go to bed, such as chips, or even like something with butter.  I also crave it during the down times in the day.  I do work so if I feel a craving, I just get busier at work to distract myself.  However when I am in bed, I just want to munch on something salty, and it’s really hard to avoid it.  One thing that has worked is... If I have done my bedtime routine, (bath, remove makeup, wrap my hair, meditate and pray). I am waaay less likely to get out of my bed and walk all the way to the kitchen for food, and I don’t.  However, the craving is still there and it occupies so many thoughts in my head that sometimes I can’t sleep.  I don't ever remember it being this bad, except for when I was pregnant and always craved Doritos.  I have even taken a pregnancy test and negative.  I think it may be in my head, but how do I defeat this? And I want to tackle this now rather than after surgery... I have an appointment coming up with my therapist in 2 weeks... what do I do until then? I've tried journaling... I have tried calling someone.  Last night I ended up just taking a melatonin.  And the thing is... I purposely do not buy chips because I will eat them.  Like, I am craving something that I do not even have available in the house! And Lord knows I am not driving to a store just for a bag of chips! But the thoughts are still there... Any suggestions?


Anxiou for Surgery

Feb 03, 2020



I am so anxious and ready for surgery! I am on a few weight loss surgery groups on Facebook and I see others and their success... I just want to go on and get it and begin my journey! I am scheduled for late March, and it seems like it is taking forevvvver!!! LOL.  I know my time will come, and until then all I can do is wait! However, while I am waiitng, I am seeking a mental health professional to help me with my eating issues.  I am nervous because this will be a revision surgery for me, and I am super worried that I will end up right back where I am.  Some of it is mental... And I know that I MUST chande my habits in order to get long term results.  There are so many things that I want to accomplish that my weight is causing a barrier with.  I'm not going to live in the past.  And I'm not going to live in conviction.  I did not make the best choices in the past.  I get that.  I am taking steps every day to prevent that.  And I have to understand that eating is a daily choice.  I will have to wake up and choose to be healthy every day.  I know I got this, and I am so so ready to start my journey!

1 comment

Intussusception Diagnosis

Jun 12, 2018

Hello fellow OH family, 

So.... the title... what in the world is this? Well if anyone has been following, I went to a surgeon for a revision surgery.  He stated that because my insurance has an exclusion, he would not be able to assist me in the appeal process.  It so happens that he is leaving that office on June 15th (this was in March).  I believed that he did not want to deal with it because he was leaving anyway.  Not sure. 

About 2 weeks ago, he called me, stating that he thinks the exclusion can be appealed because he found something from the upper GI test.  He stated that I have an intussescetion in my stomach where surgery was performed (Intussusception is a medical condition in which a part of the intestine folds into the section next to it. It typically involves the small bowel and less commonly the large bowel. Symptoms include abdominal pain which may come and go, vomiting, abdominal bloating, and bloody stool). He also stated that this could affect my appetite (his exact words were “there is no way that you could regulate your appetite.  Its like your stomach has healed on top of itself).  He described my stomach to me as healing in the shape of an “S” instead of healing in the shape of a banana.  He did not see it on the scope because when I had the EGD, I was laying on my side for quite some time.  He stated that it is possible that he straightened it our when the camera stint went in. 

Some of the symptoms that I experience does line up with this diagnosis.  I have tried to reach out to my original surgeon’s office, and even my PCP over the years, but I was mainly told that I needed to use self-control and that my eating habits was purely my fault.  In addition, I was kinda made to feel like I was just paranoid when I complained about chest pains, or told my throat was sore and that is why i vomit bloody mucus (even though I only vomited one time).  I was even told that my abdominal pain was due to my previous surgery and previous C-section, and that there was no need for further testing.  And the most Ludacris explanation--- that I was having phantom baby movements!

A part of me is happy that I got this diagnosis! However, I cannot find this diagnosis in previous sleeve patients, only RNY (I was sleeved in 2012).  Another part of me is wondering if this surgeon is looking out for my best interest.  Another part of me is saying who cares! I can get approved! 

So many mixed emotions! Has anyone ever heard of this? After a sleeve? I am not sure how it has been 6 years and no one has noticed.  However, I have been reaching out with complaints and they were not taken seriously.  And then another part of me is concerned with the surgeon.... He is switching to a new office, and they offered me an extremely quick appointment date.  Is he in search of new patients? Is he just trying to build his clientele???? HOWEVER, He did refer me to another surgeon outside of his office.  I asked him if there was a reason why I could not stick with his old office.  He did not say if I should or shouldn’t, but he did mention that this is a complication, not a regular surgery, and he only refers to the best.  Is there bad blood with his old office? Was he fired? I'm not sure who to trust or how to feel, mainly because I tend to overthink things.

I'm not sure what to think.  My appointment is June 20.  Let's see how this goes.  



Hope Again

May 15, 2018

As some of you know, I was denied a revision surgery due to an exclusion on my insurance.  It states that bariatric surgery is not covered for the purpose of weight loss.  However, I was going to challenge the exclusion, stating that the surgery was medically necessary due to GERD and hiatal hernia.  

Last week, I went to the ER with severe chest pains.  Turns out that I had been having an esophageal episode which included spasms, soreness, and difficulty swallowing.  I was also vomiting constantly, with blood mixed in the mucus.  This is more likely caused by the combination on GERD and the hiatal hernia.  As you can imagine, this was VERY painful! I decided to talk to our CEO about this, rather than appealing the exclusion.  He was very supportive.  He stated that he was unaware that this was an uncovered procedure on our insurance, and that he will contact the insurance broker to see if he can either A - get a special exception for me or B - add on this rider.  If so, he would need documentation from my doctor that states a revision would alleviate, if not "cure", the GERD.  

I called my provider and left a message, explaining the situation.  I also sent him a copy of the appeal that I was going to originally do.  He called back, first congratulating me on such a detailed and wonderful appeal letter.  He was very impressed with my letter, which included a history of my symptoms, research supporting my theory, and possible outcomes if I did not get the surgery.  He stated that I would have to file a release of records in order to obtain my doctor's notes.  The release was received today.  It can take up to 30 days to process... So now I have to wait.  Once I receive my records, I can send the relevant notes to my CEO along with my original revision letter.  I have hope again.  

I will keep you guys updated 


Written Off

Apr 09, 2018

I went in for my EGD test.  It was confirmed that I have a huge hiatal hernia and GERD.  However, the doctor stated that he did not see anything on the test that would allow for the exclusion with my insurance company to be appealed.  So I am confused because I thought that BOTH a hernia and GERD were reasons for an appeal.  They did not want to even submit a claim.  So I called my insurance company and they said that I could appeal the decision myself, but the office needed to first submit the claim.  So I called the doctor's office, and it appears that the doctor is leaving in June, so he did not want to submit the claim because he wold not be around to do the procedure.  I still felt that they can at least try, even if I will have to choose another provider.  It seems like they do not want to deal with the appeal process so they have written me off.  I will keep you updated on how things go.  

I decided that if I cannot get the appeal approved, then I am just going to go through with the non surgical weight loss option.  Yes, it is rough coming to that conslusion.  However, I do not have the money to pay out of pocket for the surgery.  I will prob never loose the entire amount of weight that I want, and it will be a lifelong battle, and harder, but it can be done! People do it all the time.  Although every other attempt has failed, I can give the non surgical medical weight loss a shot.  

I am really trying hard to stay motivated and encouraged. 


Anxiety about the Gym

Mar 19, 2018

Hello fellow members. 

This is something  that I have been struggling with a lot... Gym anxiety! I always get it into my mind that I am going to start going to the gym 3xs a week.  However, when the time approaches to go, I get anxiety about going.  Its not so much about being overweight and self-conscious... Its more about trying new things and seeing new people. (But I’m not gonna lie… I hate that damn mirror in the workout room.  I do not wanna see my body jiggle). My heart starts to race and I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach.  I keep telling myself that I will not regret it, but often I find some excuse not to go... like writing this post instead of heading to the gym.  If I do go and make it to the gym, I only get on the exercise bike.  Before, when I lost 90 pounds, the main thing that helped me going was doing a cardio that I enjoyed - ZUMBA.  Now, going to ZUMBA almost scares me.  But I hate the bike.  So I don't do it.  I LOVE ZUMBA... So why not try? I know it is the negativity and the mindset that I have developed while gaining this weight back, but I am so so tired of being this size.  I hate this feeling.  And even if I only do 30 of the 60 minutes, I would have accomplished something! I remember how much I used to love ZUMBA, but now its been years since I have went to any kind of dance class.  I love dancing.  I need to just do it.  I have never been a shy person.  But now that I am even heavier than my original size before my first surgery, I feel horrible and like a failure.  But I have to do this.  I am tired of this feeling. 

Is this self-sabotage? Is this true anxiety? Is this just fear? I’m not sure but this was never me.  I remember being 280 pounds feeling so confident… what happened to that person? Sometimes, I do not even wanna go out on weekends because nothing fits.  I get tired of shopping because I hate trying on clothes.  I absolutely hate this feeling, but I gotta get these pounds off of me because enough is enough! I want to look back a year from now and see where I was, and hope to never be in this place again.

I know some people rather work out at home.  I also have some workout videos but I do not do them.  This is because I pay monthly for a gym.  So me and my husband has agreed to use it and get our money's worth. And our gym has a pool, our membership travels with us, and my daughter can benefit from it as well (she is 7 years old). 

I know that I am worth it and that I deserve a healthy body.  Not only that, but my daughter deserves a healthy parent.  I want to get to that point where I can say "I enjoy taking care of myself".  One step at a time. 

Wish me luck you guys! ZUMBA starts in 2 hours, and I plan to be there.  I just have to remember….. I HAVE THE COURAGE WITHIN ME TO FACE MY FEARS AND OPEN MYSELF TO EXPERIENCING NEW WAYS OF BEING

SN: I am starting the modified green smoothie cleanse.  I am hoping to change my taste buds because I need to break the unhealthy carb cycle.  I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again.  I need to get my life back!



Past vs Present

Mar 13, 2018

This is an old blog from July of 2012 that I posted about myself from an old OH account (I was finally able to reset my password and get back in)....

"So I am 50 lbs out so far... Have dropped from a 22 pants to a 18 pants! the side pics doesn't do me justice, you can really tell from the front view! I am so happy that I decided to get sleeved.  I do see loose skin forming around my arms:( But, I will rather have that than to be at 292... Never again!" 

Fast forward to today, 2018.... And it has happened again... looking at the old me and seeing how happy I was, kinda makes me feel so bad about the spot that I am in now. I told myself that I would not get back to this point again, and here I am. But I love how my old page is giving me motivation to do better! I did this for many reasons. However, the most important reason was for myself! I did it before and I can do it again! Looking back on my old post, I see what was missing... doing this for me. Not for what people said or thought about me, not for opinions, but for me. This time I am going to truly do what I want to do.

I want to get back to the feeling that I felt in 2012. Back to that hope, that pride, that confidence! I even posted pics of me in my undies to show my progress (I DEF deleted those), and to show my progress to others! I was sooo proud and just wanted to help others.  However, not once did I post about my mental well being or how emotionally happier that I was.  I mostly posted about how much weight that I lost.  However, previously I did ignore the mental and emotional health aspect of weight gain.  Once I lost the weight, I didn't take care of my emotions.  I eventually went back to the ways things were.  Weight loss is not simply physical.  I have been in deep thought lately on how did I let myself get to this place again? There are several things... First, stress of grad school.  Second, happiness from a relationship and third, eating has always been a coping mechanism for boredom, stress, happiness, celebrations, and disappointments.  This needs to be changed and replace with healthier methods.  And I need to work through this before I decide to do anything, rather it is surgical or non surgical weight loss.  I do not want to fail again.  

"Be well in every way"




1st NUT appt with WLS revision

Mar 09, 2018

I have come to the decision that I am going to try to get a revision surgery.  You see, I have gained ALL of my weight back from my previous surgery 6 years ago. HOW?? Although there may be some physical issues with my stomach and body, including GERD, hiatal hernia, and insulin irregulation, I have to also admit that I simply did not stick to the regimen that I ever so promised myself 6 years ago.  I have taken responsibility for the ill choices that I have made with food, and the poor relationship that I have with food and my emotions.  I understand that there is something else at play: mental health.  Therefore, I am going to also join OA.  I wanna check it out and see if it could help me.  I know that this second time around (if I get approval), I MUST do things differently, and I MUST seek out long term options.  It is very possible that I am an overeater, or even a compulsive eater, and I must also treat the psyche as well as the body.  

When I first began to notice that I was regaining the weight, I did reach out to the office that did my surgery.  They made me feel like crap.  I was very open and vulnerable, telling them that I am concerned that I may not be doing well with my eating and I began to drink wine once a week (2 years post op).  They told me that because I was eating fast food and drinking, and that I basically deserved the 15 lbs that I gained back.  They stated that I did not qualify for additional tests to see if there was any physical conditions.  I asked if they would let me participate in the free group counseling sessions.  They basically stated that I would not be a good example for those individuals who are new to the group and learning to manage their eating habits (I had gained about 15 lbs back after 2 years post surgery).  I was very discouraged and continued to do the same thing.  Here I am , about 100 lbs later, feeling worse than I did when I had the initial surgery. 

I had my first nutritionist appt on Wednesday.  Although I have not technically received approval from my insurance company for WLS revision (sleeve to bypass), the office is treating me as though I have gotten approval.  If I do not get approval, then I will do the non-surgical medically supervised weight loss program. 

Well, the appointment was great! She gave me so much more motivation.  I was really expecting for her to judge me, considering that I gained all of my weight loss back from the previous WLS surgery.  Instead, she wanted me to focus on my strengths.  She did suggest that I write down all of the significant events (good and bad) that may have caused my weight gain.  She also encouraged me to attend the revision WLS support group that meets monthly. I feel very empowered and motivated to continue my journey.  

The 3 things that I am going to try to improve by the next NUT visit in one month:                                                     

Eat 3x's a week

Exercise 3x's a week for 30 min

at least 40 oz water per day

I am determined to make pernament changes this time around in order to make long term success.  

"Be well in every way"



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Mar 06, 2018
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