Beyond the Board

Jun 21, 2009

I'm so rarely on OH anymore but many (mostly wonderful) things are happening, through the grace of God.  I'm only a tweet away, so you can easily find me out and about on the 'net:

On Twitter
On Facebook
On MySpace
On YouTube
Some of my writing
My Website (being updated but links are there to my info)
Meet the Pep Pups

Life goes on, my Lovelies ... And even though I'm not on the boards, I do independently mentor and support DS patients who find their way to me (and they do!) ... So I continue to "pay it forward."  Before long, you'll find out how much so ... I will keep you informed.

Thanks for the shoutout on the inspiration question, Blackthorne & May ... I think of you both fondly.  Although I don't even "monitor/lurk," I happened to have caught that old post this morning (shows how long it's been since I checked in) because I'm helping out a new switch sister and I got nostalgic, so I dropped  by!

Sending EVERYONE hugs, thoughts and lovin' for everything wonderful ALWAYS!  Your life will change and you can realize ALL your dreams ... If you're ready and you're willing, you can be ABLE!
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Above & Beyond...

Nov 20, 2008

There is always noise inside my head. Voices and messages and things I need to do and learn and think about before I take actions. Most of the time, I obey them, although sometimes things take hold of me—positive and negative—before I even realize what's happening. I still strive for perfection and while it doesn't always turn out that way, it doesn't keep me from moving forward. And believe me, moving forward is really what it's all about.  

FOUR YEARS AGO TODAY… I was bedridden and miserable, yet optimistic that my life would change for the better. Still, there was absolutely no clue then how glorious my life could AND WOULD become. I had just had my DS and was grateful for having successfully survived the procedure—and even though I was pretty sore/uncomfortable, I remained hopeful that things were on the upswing.  

THREE YEARS AGO TODAY… I had just turned 50 years old and had a wonderfully intimate surprise birthday party that helped me feel the warmth/love of my family and enjoyed the freedoms of being a year out, moving forward, and--having taken my first cruise with my husband--stretching enough beyond my comfort zone to discover the world out there that had been waiting for me all along.   

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY... I continued forward movement—traveling, enjoying life and make the best out of each day. I went to Kentucky to meet many long-time OHers who had significantly and positively affected my life, to California to speak at an OH seminar about the DS, and revisited many LA locations that I hadn't been able to enjoy for the 20-some-odd years since I'd last been there. I felt nearly boundless freedom and joy, and was in the best place I'd been (thus far) in my life.  

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY... I had just returned from a whirlwind trip to Honduras and Mexico. A spiritual quest of sorts … climbing Mayan ruins and realizing even more so how one can/does evolve. I survived a significant breast cancer scare the previous June and a ten-pound-or-so Mirena-hormone induced weight gain, finally losing that weight as well as the extra hormones that caused the 1"x3" tumor that the not-for-everybody-IUD had caused inside my body.  

TODAY, HOWEVER... I come to you with the miracle beyond all miracles: In less than one year, I have traveled nearly 10,000 miles from NY to Alaska and managed to become the completely enamored and satisfied mother of not one BUT TWO Havanese puppies (Ricky and Lucy … Can you stand it?? … LOL!) … I moved from a 10-year koi-like existence in an incredibly overstuffed Queens two bedroom apartment to a three bedroom house in Long Island (complete with doggie door), creating my low-carb, DS-friendly food treats in a kitchen with a pantry and pot/pan drawers, a sunroom -and- a backyard. 

I find myself coordinating décor and designing unusual "pieces" from bare-bone dime store objects to create an ambiance and vibe that thrills my (incredibly wonderful and supportive) husband and visitors alike.  Then, to further heighten the experience and delights as to where life further post-DS has taken me, from the packing/moving experience and making sure I focused well on eating wisely but enjoyably—at four years out—I am the thinnest ever with an incredibly toned body and STILL NO PS (5'7", 130 lbs, size 0-4 from an all-time high of 321, size 4X).  

I've mentioned it before, I've written it before, I've said it before… If you are a prisoner of your body and your mind—depressed and scared and wondering when your life can resume/begin, envying the idea of what life COULD become "if only" … If you're like I was—no longer able to accept life as it was, unhealthy, depressed, sad, and didn't think it was a life worth living … and certainly if that sort of existence, fear and semantics (whether or not to DS)  are the only things keeping you from crossing the threshold to a better way of life… FREE YOURSELF AND YOUR MIND/BODY WILL FOLLOW … If you let it!  

Don't misunderstand.  There will be hurdles, there will be challenges. Post-DS doesn't mean that perfection meets you at every turn. Every positive for me has meant some hard work and breaking through an obstacle/resistance (like the nearly-invisible thread that wrapped itself around my ankles as I was packing up the old apartment, daring me to move an inch much less walk out the door) … Healthy and thin doesn't mean everything will always go the way you want/believe it should.  

HOWEVER … You will find little else as rewarding and as exciting as continuing to push through and knowing that you're only limited by the restraints you let your mind impose on your efforts. I say this with the utmost conviction and most importantly, the life experience with which to back it up.  

As always, since I no longer "inhabit the boards," feel free to contact me should you have any questions … and I wish you everything wonderful every day of your life. Good luck & God bless!
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Home Again, Home Again...

May 29, 2008

So here we are, 9383 miles-and-change later ... Something I couldn't possibly have fathomed five years ago ... A 16-day trek From New York City to Seattle to Fairbanks, Alaska, cruising through the inside passage, holding glacier ice as it melted in my hands, petting puppies destined for the Iditarod, and surviving it all to tell the tale.  Invigorating and mind expanding and exciting and interesting, filled with gratitude and awe almost beyond words.

There is a world out there, my dear friends, and regardless of how safe and warm and inviting our koi-ish lives can be when locked away inside our prison of weight or eternally confining states of mind, embrace, enjoy and experience this incredible universe to the best of your ability.  The air is likely to never seem so fresh and the incredible beauty of God's creations so inspiring. 

Don't hesitate a second or let the fears control you.  It really IS okay to live life to its fullest and even though there may be some limitations to the scope (like right now I draw the line after climbing the mountain but remain hopeful that ziplining will be an option someday).  Breaking through our old concepts of life or who we think we are didn't stop when I reached goal weight and I hope it continues until I suck my last breath.

All this being said, I must admit it's great to be home and to be hugging and walking the adorable Havanese puppy we got only a month before we left.  Our Little Lucy is about as adorable as they come (check out some of her adventures on You Tube by clicking here) and she grew considerably while we were gone.  A couple of weeks at Camp Shih Tzu with my sister and her kids even resulted in her being almost completely housebroken!  But she certainly added to the appeal of settling back into our "normal routine."

BTW, DSers ... Alaska is a wonderland for us.  They seem to use twice as much fat in their food preparation as the lower 48 and the donuts alone on the Fairbanks Riverboat Discovery tour were worth the trip! 

For the most part, I ate very comfortably, stretching my normally restrained boundaries but not my stomach, and the size 2 jeans I wore before I left fit just as easily when I returned.  Now if this doesn't make it a doubly successful vacation, I don't know what does!


Missing "Rockin' Robin" ...

Apr 20, 2008

A tragedy just came to my attention a couple of days ago and I assumed you would know about it but I checked posts back to April 10th and didn't see anything.

Our dear and wonderful "New & Improving Robin"--my wonderful "Rockin' Robin"--passed away last week from a blood clot.  I have absolutely no details although I'm assuming it was tied to plastic surgery, because when we were all in Irvine last year, she was ready to take that step.  A relative of her's contacted me through my column on another site to tell me she had passed.

If you'd like to send your condolences to her family, please PM them to me -- or post them to her profile (
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/rlee67/) -- and I will forward them to her family.  She also had her own website: http://www.thenewrobin.com.

As/If I know more about exactly what happened, I will pass the info along to you.  

This is really lousy news; Robin bloomed in front of our eyes and had become everything she'd ever hoped to be -- and more.  It is a terrible loss to our fellowship.  

Just in case you'd forgotten about it, this is a perfect example of how much Robin had embraced life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DTmYArV70s

In the meantime, take care of yourselves and live each day like it's your last ... See it ... believe it ... be it!!

 & {{{HUGS}}} &

Pssst...Hi!

Mar 17, 2008

I haven't checked in for a while, so I'm letting you know that--through the grace of God--all is well.  Good days, bad days, for sure but such is the essence of life.  

During my days of obsessively scrutinizing OH posts/pages, I often wondered why many posters and profiles seemed to drop off at one point or another--especially by the 3rd year post-op.  Well, as suspected, it's usually because we're living our lives for all we're worth.  This is the case with me.

I have made a conscious decision to no longer inhabit OH; it was made with great deliberation and I believe it to be in my own best interest.  HOWEVER, because of the godsend OH was to me throughout my journey, I remain open and available for any and all questions you may have.  Just message me and I will do my best to respond post-haste.

In the meantime, good luck and God bless as you find yourself and continue the rollercoaster ride that is the WLS journey.


P.S.  Just for the juicy stuff and what you REALLY want to know: I've been the same clothing size (0-4) since reaching goal in June 2006.  Today is March 17, 2008.  I am reasonably healthy considering the fact that I still contend with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Fibromyalgia, mild lymphedema in my left leg.  (These were all health issues that I had BEFORE WLS and have improved somewhat afterwards but are unlikely to ever disappear completely.) ... Oh, and of course, I LOVE MY DS!!

Happy Holidays...God Bless Us...Everyone!

Dec 23, 2007

I've been a good girl but a horrible OH board member ... I'm keeping my distance but--as always--I'm only an email away.  I will catch up best as I can as soon as the "Merry F-in Ho Ho Day" is over.  In the meantime, enjoy the giggle below with all my love!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr-6PH-2BbA

The Obligatory...With Thanks to All!

Nov 19, 2007

So it's that time of year again.  Three years ago today we had already completely digested an enjoyable but not-over-the-top pre-Thanksgiving holiday meal and my family was nail-biting their way through the afternoon, standing by in the hospital waiting room, anxious to hear that I was in recovery after my Duodenal Switch surgery.

 

To say that a lifetime has occurred since 11/19/04 would not be an exaggeration.  At 49 I thought my life was better off over.  Extreme fatigue and an overall inability to make it through a day as most "normies" would robbed me of the enthusiasm and anticipation with which I once faced each day.  It was almost as though my life force was drifting away from me, a drop at a time.

Three years and nearly 200 pounds later, things are radically different.  I'm back to believing that anything can and will happen with the dawning of a new day.  I've embraced a wide world with so much to see and experience and take in.  Sunsets and sunrises and tweeting birds all have a special significance that once may have escaped me.  We've cruised and flown and I'm back behind the wheel again.  Gratitude overwhelms me at times, bringing tears to my eyes and fullness in my heart.

We had no idea three years ago exactly where this surgery would take me.  We had three things that got us through.  Hope.  Faith.  Determination.  All three served us miraculously well.  I am the living breathing miracle that the DS embodies.       

Recently I sent an email to my bariatric surgeon, thanking him for making my life fabulous.  He sent me back a five-word-email: "You did all the work."  When I read those words, tears came to my eyes.  It may be the first time I just let the words sink in and revisited the words a few times to completely absorb them.

Despite his incredible skills as a surgeon, I guess what he said is true to a certain degree.  There are many stories of people who had weight loss surgery who did not experience the level of success that I have—especially in the long-term.  So sustaining the loss and continuing the work certainly can be attributed to my efforts.  Remembering where I came from and never wanting to go there again sort of "scares me straight" and keeps me strong.  (For certain: One day on, one day off beats bedridden day-in day-out in anyone's book.) 

But I am also trying to come to grips with the fact that I have an incredible problem with accepting kudos.

As a rule, I'm a conundrum.  A typical Libra.  I'll tell you if you're pissing me off or screwing up BUT also, if you're doing an outstanding job, I'll seek you out and tell you to your face.  I'll hug you and show you love when it's obvious you need it (yes, sometimes even if you are nearly a stranger—ask my favorite cashier at the Glendale Stop & Shop) but I'll shoot you a murderous glance when you annoy me (ask the girl who walked in front of me as if I didn't exist when I waited on line at the very same Stop & Shop on the very same day).  I always seem to balance it out.  If I freak out and scream in your face, I will feel guilty about it and replay it a dozen or more times in my head, later regretting it.  Being Italian, Irish and Jewish doesn't help.  I am passionate and loud at times, then feel bad about having done it—even if it was justified.

This is not to say that I can't make up my mind (a typical Libran trait).  I deliberate but strive not to aggravate.  Whatever questions I have I usually resolve through my own research and soul-searching; I don't interrogate the universe nor bring them through the anguish of my indecision.

But the reality is that I brush off the kind words.  When people tell me I look good, I say "thank you" and quickly change the subject.  But I don't really take it in.  I know they think—like in the Beatles song "Girl"—I "act as if it's understood."  But truth be told, it's because I don't want to accept it.  I don’t want to acknowledge that I have done anything.  I'm afraid that to acknowledge it is to accept it and to accept it means I will lose it.  So now you know: What you may assume to be arrogance or aloofness is my unwillingness to accept the responsibility for my own positive actions.  The funny thing is that for a long time now, I've made a point of easily accepting the responsibility for my negative actions.

What I didn't anticipate was running into my fair share of "haters": People who negatively assume I'm something I'm not.  I have my mother's grace and a New Yorker attitude, so when I walk into a room, I guess I give off an air that not everyone can tolerate.  What's the line?  "The women hate her and the men love her."  I don't strive to be provocative or alluring.  I just am what I am.  What no one knows about is that voice deep inside me … The voice that Melanie Griffith presented so well by actually vocalizing the sentiment in "Working Girl" … "Don't fuck up, don't fuck up!"  Yes, it is just like that.

But it is the negative energy around me that contributes to my self-doubt and as a result, causes me to halt my steady progression.  No, I'm not blaming anyone but myself.  Even though I may not have always gotten a fair shake, you'll notice I avoid using words such as "victim."  I'm nobody's "victim"—even if I am.  I don't like the connotation of the word; I am—and will forever be—a survivor.

It's because of this and so many other reasons that I continue to present myself—a work in progress—to the world.  Because I refuse to believe I am the only imperfect one who seeks perfecting, if not "perfection."  There is a message to share with those ready to listen and it is one of hope and faith and belief.  Faith in God, yes … but innate faith that no one is relegated or destined to experience horror and grief forever.  If you truly want to thrive—not just survive—you can.  I am living, breathing, thriving, surviving, and extremely grateful proof.

In the meantime, I continue to work on my responses—my Type A personality, my knee-jerk reactions.  I continue to work on cleaning up my own messes (literally and figuratively) and simplifying the things I've sometimes unconsciously made more complicated. 

Still, the word that most commonly comes to mind since reaching goal about eighteen months ago is "free."  There is a freedom I usually feel in my mind and in my stride.  At times things feel so effortless.  The reality is that behind closed doors, I have worked for every single thing I have and at times the battle has been quite uphill.  Yet when I step out the door what I present to others is a fabulous "act as if" exhibition as though everything is light and easy and simple.  I cruise through crowds and find my path and take it.  I find myself miles ahead of where I once stood, afraid to take a further step.  I know I'm headed somewhere but I don't really know my ultimate destination but now I can run there, taking a second to smell the roses along the way.   

I persist.  Everyday.  I take chances.  Everyday.  I pray for direction.  Everyday.  I doubt my sanity.  Everyday.  I laugh—no matter what.  Everyday.  Hopelessness and defeat are no longer in my vocabulary.  Success is my only option—and will forever be the greatest revenge.

I truly hope you find my words useful and that they resonate with you.  While this journey has not made my life perfect, it has become infinitely easier and enjoyable and through the grace of God, I wish the same for you.


The Time of Our Lives

Oct 12, 2007

Well, what a time it's been ... Missed you but been having the vacation of our lives.  Check out some of the highlights from our trip from NYC to Tampa, then cruising to Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Belize and Honduras (link below).  

We stayed an extra day in Tampa after we docked and experienced the absolutely amazing Lowry Park Zoo (who needs Busch Gardens when you've got this place?  )  Would you believe Manatees and Giraffes and Meerkats???

Best of all, my friends ... at nearly 3 years out ... I am enjoying every freedom the DS affords me.  I ate whatever I liked without gorging or overdoing.  But I had dessert everyday, somedays SF somedays not.  I didn't gain a pound and probably sweated off a few inches.  It was hot ... OMG no such thing as not showing some dew when in these hot climates!  Upon getting home, I easily transitioned back to my more carb-conscious lifestyle just to make sure everything is in check and it's been effortless.

One of our goals in taking this trip was to expore the Mayan cultures and I felt profound peace and the spiritual intent of that civilization by exploring the ruins in both Cozumel and Belize.  i even learned some Mayan language.  For example, did you know that WLSers KISS???  (Believe it or not, "Kiss" in Mayan means "Fart")

Hope every one of you is well; I will catch up as soon as I can.  I have FIVE HOURS OF VIDEO TO EDIT but did leave you a PhotoShow highlights reel in the meantime.  Try to view it in full screen to get the best effect (cick the button on the panel under the video picture).  The trip really brought out the photographer in me.

http://www.photoshow.com/watch/vG6Nb8jp

In the meantime, I pray that each and every one of you is realizing your wildest dreams a day at a time.  I know I am.  Thank God.  Or as the Mayans say: "Jumbotic" (thank you)!

One of Those Days!

Sep 18, 2007

I aways say that you never fully appreciate when life is great unless you've made it through a few crappy days.  So today was one of those crappy days.  

Nothing earth-shattering, no huge drama to speak of, just one of those days that has you pulling a few hairs out of your head and whining "Is anything going to go right today??"  (Like right this very second, as I type this, the "l" is not working well on my keyboard and I have to hit it like 10x before it makes the letter.  Geez, I use that letter more than I realized ... but I digress ...)

I hate being late.  It sucks, it's embarrassing and it's not exactly putting your best foot forward.  I've been getting some dental work done and while it's costing me a fortune, the dentist is throwing in a couple freebies to be sure I'm satisfied with his work.  He doesn't have to do that; he's a big deal Manhattan dentist but he's doing it nonetheless and I'm grateful.  All's I have to do is get there on time.  I was a half-hour late for the appointment because my local bus driver was a half-hour late getting me cross-Queens to get to Manhattan.  Arrggghhh!!!  

The domino effect.  It was the key factor that made Seinfeld so funny.  One thing leads to another, leads to another and in the end, the world has turned to $hit and it all started with the first mishap.  Such is life I suppose.  It got so ridicuous at one point that I just had to laugh.  Like they say
"If I didn't laugh, I would have cried."

Hell...hel...hel...he...he...he...hee-hee-hee

Persist, Believe, Embrace

Aug 26, 2007

At times our journeys can be so all-encompassing that we forget about the world-at-large.  I've been caught inside my little life over the past few months.  A breast cancer scare, seemingly unexplained weight gain and some family issues will do that to you.  Still, I strive to keep my gratitude list in the fore, superceding all the daunting things and know "it can always be worse," continuing to pray that I'll never have to find out how much so.

Yesterday was a warm hug for me as I reunited with some long-time friends--talented souls that I worked with in my rock'n'roll show days.  They introduced me to some other focused spirits and it got me to thinking just how "me" I can be sometimes. As I did my latest rant about media ignoring 50-plussers, they were rooted in the very issues that threaten our existence as human beings.  I mean, does it really matter if I get to tell my story on Oprah as much as whether our planet survives?  When you think about it, it's pretty ironic how we tend to focus on the minutia at such a critical place and time in the universe.

My body returns to normal post-Mirena without doing much of anything; even the seroma post-lumpectomy is shrinking.  As the residual hormones of the vile IUD leave my body, so do the rest of the toxins that helped it wreaked its havoc.  My concentration returned to normal almost the second I had it removed.  (Again, know that this is indeed my individual experience but many women have reported similar issues, so do not take this method of birth control lightly.)

So now that my mind space is not as immersed in the me-me-me space, I need to explore what benefits everyone--not just me.  I need to further understand where my life experiences are taking me and where I need to be directing my life.  The only thing I know without reservation is that I'm ready for another level and I continue to seek enlightenment to make a real difference.  

The thought for the day: Let's get past the grousing and complaining because the scale's not moving or we don't like the taste of a protein powder or "boo-hoo I can't eat a Twinkie" ... Let's remember we're just an infinitesmal dot on a universe that needs our love and positivity and unity.  See it ... believe it ... TURN IT ON!!

About Me
Westbury, NY
Location
20.7
BMI
DS
Surgery
11/19/2004
Surgery Date
Feb 01, 2004
Member Since

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