Melissa Mermaid

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Please forgive the lack of disclosure lately but a lot has been going on and most of it finally can be classified as “good.”  Just REMEMBER, PLEASE … THIS IS MY STORY—IT WON’T NECESSARILY HAPPEN TO YOU—YMMV (YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY).  There is—and never will be—a situation where one size fits all every bit of the time.  Still, I’m sharing, hoping that someone will find what I’m sharing to be helpful.

So last we left off in the Mermaid saga, I had an excisional biopsy of a 1”x3” benign mass in my breast.  That was June 15^th and it couldn’t have gone better.  Great recovery, virtually no pain.

But then …

About two weeks after the mass was removed, it appeared as though a new one—just as large and irksome—had grown in its place.  WTF????   I sat on the fear for a couple of days as I was about to see my breast surgeon for a follow-up.  

In the meantime, I had a thought … Some unusual things had been happening since I had a Mirena IUD inserted late last Fall: acne, loss of concentration, increasing depression, increasing fatigue, unexplained weight gain, fibroadenoma of the breast, losing interest in sex (ain’t that ironic?), some problems with my sight, increased musculoskeletal/back aches … AND MORE!

So I had been dismissing most of these issues as attributable to my autoimmune disease (Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis without being Hypothyroid) and my fibromyalgia.  I figured the fibroadenoma was just one of those things that happens to some women.   I did believe the acne was attributable to the Mirena since that’s a common and easily forgivable side effect and it was basically just on my forehead, under my bangs.

The weight gain, however—and not surprisingly—was driving me crazy.  It was not noticeable in most of my clothing and I was like 3 lbs up in January, then when I was weighed pre-biopsy in June, it was another 7 lbs up.  Without starving myself, I started double duty to keep from having what I sure was becoming a free-fall back to huge.  I kept grilling myself for what was real and what was FEAR (false evidence appearing real):

Q: Was it bounce-back because I’m nearing the 3 year post-op mark? 

A: Could be but I’m so rigorously anal retentive about what I eat and I’ve been more active than ever.  

Q: Was my body meant to be fat and not even the DS was going to save me? 

A: I mean, look at my weight loss history; although this is the longest I’ve maintained a significant weight loss in all my years, eventually I gained back every single pound I’d ever lost and more.  Pretty daunting when you’re talking about HALF A TON!!

Anyway … my brilliant DH kept telling me the weight gain was the Mirena.  And gullible little consumer that I am, I kept saying “But that’s their claim to fame … There is no significant weight gain with the Mirena!! … It’s got to be ME … Something I’M DOING WRONG and I guess I just don’t get to eat ANY carbs (not veggies or fruit or dairy or whole grains—really the only carbs I had been eating) like everyone else.”

Well … thinking I now had a new lump in my breast only two weeks after the first one had been removed, I decide to Google mirena+fibroadenoma and I got an eyeful of info and stories.  Stuff the Mirena literature does not even begin to detail.

I found a message board of women who were having all of the side effects mentioned above—and more.  EVERYTHING I WAS EXPERIENCING WAS TRACEABLE AS POSSIBLE/PROBABLE SIDE EFFECTS/COMPLICATIONS FROM HAVING THE MIRENA.

For example, women who prided themselves on staying thin and fit reported either gaining 10 lbs and/or not being able to lose any weight at all.  Women who were more of an average or higher than average weight for their height (like 200 lbs) reported no significant weight gain or loss.  In other words, it seems that thin women who got the Mirena especially because the manufacturers claimed no weight gain were the ones who fought valiant but pretty much useless battles to maintain their base weight. 

Phew! … and ?@#$&*

Well, I had the sucker yanked 7/5 and I can see and feel my body returning to where I’m most comfortable.  Water started draining from my body immediately.  Without doing one thing differently, I started peeing my brains out.  Because the Mirena sends a daily low dose of hormones into your body, I know I won’t be back to normal overnight but I’m looking forward to overcoming this 8-month setback without the fear that I’m doomed to be large and nothing I do will change that.

Had to share it with you so that you realize sometimes someone tries to sell us something and we want it so badly that we buy it hook, line and sinker.  I blame no one but myself.  I thought I had thoroughly researched the Mirena for all the horror stories before insertion and my gyno had no clue about many of these side effects until I enlightened him.  It took the fear of a second growth in my breast to get linked to all the lurid details that many women had to share.  

Please remember that some women do very well on the Mirena.  Absolutely no complaints.  Sadly, I am not one of those women and although I’ve had to find new birth control methods—absent ones that send hormones into my body—I’d rather do that than wait for the “pound fairy” to visit me in the middle of the night and wake up at 300+ pounds again (which I know of course would NOT happen but regardless of how far we come on this journey, some fears simply will not disappear)!  

Oh … and BTW … The second breast mass was a seroma, which is draining … very very very slowly.  DOUBLE & TRIPLE PHEW!!   

Here’s a few of the links I found about the Mirena that got me to thinking, just so you know it's not all in my head: 

http://www.mirena.ca/en/pdfs/MirenaEn.pdf (p. 9)

http://www.aippg.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24435 
(FORTY PAGES OF POSTS FROM WOMEN WHO GAINED WEIGHT ON THE MIRENA)
 
 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/birth-control/3667-iuds-nightmares-read-before-you-get-one.html

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/36491

-Pear

-1c Carrots and Bleu Cheese Dressing

-42g Protein Shot + 1 oz of Havarti Cheese

-1c Cooked Spinach w/ Havarti Cheese & Butter

-Grapes

In addition, I make fresh lemonade and fresh iced tea with Splenda and it's so refreshing ... None of the additives and added citric acid from powdered drinks.

There's such a quick turnaround with this food plan, loss of lots of water weight (even though I drink a great deal to keep from getting dehydrated), and I allow myself as much vegetables/fruits as I can eat in a feeding.  I don't always have room for them when eating on a "regular day" ... but of course I supplement with protein drinks instead of dense food proteins.  

Some may think this reeks of deprivation or a diet ... but for me, it's no problem.  The only real challenge is still eating 4-5x a day since my first impulse and "diet kneejerk reaction" is to stop eating altogether.  But that's the old me; this is the new me ... Eat to lose ... Just eat healthily!

Have a great day, all! 

Well, My Lovelies …
 

I’ve sort of been holding out on you all but with good reason …
 

Had one of them “breast cancer scares” and just got the “all clear” on Friday.  I will eventually be uploading weeks of blog entries to my website once I’ve told my sister about the experience.  (I just told my daughter.  No need to panic the world and make them do the nailbiting with me.)  No one really knew other than DH, my best friend and my client for whom I write and edit copy (he’s also a shrink and a friend for 20 years).
 

To make a long long story short … I felt a 1” x 3” lump in my right breast just before we left for  Irvine in April.  (Yes, that'a INCHES, not CM.)  It was very tender and had absolutely no hint of existence before January (I saw my gyno then and HE did the breast exam and felt nothing … I’ve been self-testing for at least 30 years).  
 

Since I have fibrous breasts I’d always wondered if I’d know whether or not I had a true lump but the size of this baby left no doubt.  (Beats the heck out of the first time I felt my sternum—a stationary and hard lump BETWEEN my breasts—and thought that was something to be afraid of.  I checked a diagram of the body before panicking and laugh at how alarmed I first felt.)
 

Okay, back to the mass in question … I was moved thru systems rather quickly (thank God but an instant can’t be quick enough because of how your mind races and fears arise) … a mammo and sono in the same day  My hand evaluation was proven to be completely accurate--a solid 1"x 3" mass in exactly those dimensions) ... An evaluation by a breast cancer surgeon barely a week later with the preliminary dx that it was a fibroadenoma because it was not rooted (very palpable but “moves around”—a good sign).  Fibroadenomas can persist (recur) but are just about always benign.  

Last Wednesday I had a biopsy and received an answer in 24 hours that it was indeed a fibroadenoma and benign.  PHEW!!

Breast cancer surgeon will remove the mass and I’m fine with that as from the research and surfing I’ve done of breast cancer sites: “The only good lump is one that’s in a jar.”  
 

So here’s what you can use from my experience:
 

(a) In spite of the size and sudden appearance of a mass, don’t be alarmed.  Most large masses that suddenly occur are NOT malignant.  We're convinced an analysis of the mass will show it's ALL PROTEIN
 

(b) 80% of biopsies render a diagnosis of benign.
  

(c) You will reevaluate everything you do and see (from keeping a cell phone too close to the bed to whether or not you really love your dangly, fatless breasts).  You will also review your life and your body image and think indepth (once again) about your mortality and relationships.
 

(d) The threat of breast cancer is not increased by weight loss surgery but rather makes masses easier to find and diagnose.  1 in 2 women will have a health question/ issue arise about their breasts in their lifetime.
 

(e) If not for my DS, a breast cancer diagnosis would have been truly tragic.  I can’t fathom having gone from bedridden to finding out I was terminal.  I have been living my life like never before and if I were to disappear off the face of the earth in the next 10 mins, I will have done it with panache and happiness because my DS breathed life and hope and happiness into this 50-something babe.
 

One hauntingly frightening morning—before I even told DH about my fears—I found this song on a my space page (“Everything I Ever Wanted” … click here) and it sums my thoughts about the experience.  Again, as far as I’m concerned … aside from the love and support of my family … My DS has saved my life like nothing else ever has or could.
 

And to my brave and wonderful sisters who have been through this experience with a less favorable outcome:  I understand you like never before.  I never thought of myself as immune to cancer but never anticipated anything related to the breasts (we do have other cancers in my genes but not breast) … and it leaves you especially very vulnerable and scared.  God bless you all and my thoughts and prayers are with you—even more so than in the past.
 

Please understand I share this experience not to be dramatic but to help you see that every second of life is to be cherished and explored and enjoyed.  We never know how one moment in time can change everything in our lives and I thought I was heading for one of those moments.  I do appreciate everything a little more than before and am grateful that God saw fit to help me dodge this bullet.
 

In the long term, I am prepared for whatever comes my way.  Throughout this experience I was not tempted for one second to stuff my face with junk or overdo with food.  I realized I eat and nourish myself so well at this point in time that there is no need to act out with food.  I guess it’s one of those divine side effects of having my DS and it’s one of those things top on my gratitude list.
 

As one of my OH sisters has shared more than once: “Don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff!”
 

Have a terrific Monday, Kids …