RNY_elizabeth
I am a 45 year old, 5'4, mental health professional, queer, mother of four biological children and a step-child. I have been overweight since I was 10 years old. It took me years to figure out what was going on inside my head related to food and once I did I just couldn't change without RNY. I started out at 265 pounds, now I weigh 125 and am full of energy and joy.
The roots of my obesity ran deep. My parents were a hot mess and got divorced when I was 9. Dad moved out of state and Mom decended into a spiral of alcholoism which included blackouts. She lost touch with things and would "leave for work" in the morning and then come home one or two weeks later dazed and confused. I was left on my own for long periods of time with no food and no money. I suffered actual hunger and developed a deep fear of being hungry. I lost a significant amount of weight before my father stepped in and removed me from my mother's home and brought me to live with him. As soon as food was available again I ate constantly and ballooned quickly.
I weighted 180-190 pounds all through high school and then had my oldest child at age 18. After he was born I weighed 210 and never again was under 200. My highest weight was 285 and I hovered around 260 for decades. I tried Weight Watchers, lost 50 and gained it back. Tried Optifast, lost 60 and gained it back. Would try working out plans, personal trainers, and diets. Nothing changed, I was still overweight. I finally started working on my mental relationship to food and realized that that lack of food when I was a child had impacted my relationship with eating. I was able to finally see that fear was driving my eating but I still could not stop myself. I was an addict of sorts and felt powerless.
After long consideration and much research I decided to get the RNY Gastric Bypass. The surgery was the most likely to have long term success and had the potiential to stop the sensation of hunger that was my fear-trigger. The surgery did not stop hunger but it definately changed the sensation of it. Now I feel when my body needs fuel. I used the first months post surgery as a time to work on my relationship to food. To really explore what my mind and body are saying to one another.
I have worked on my fear and abandonment issues so that I no longer feel food is an answer to these emootions. It is SO LIBERATING!!!! I can actually feel when I am thirsty, when I am hungry, and when I am full. The RNY allowed me to reconnect in a healthy way with my body. Now I am a healthy BMI and feeling wonderful.
Nothing about RNY is "the easy way." Everyday I work on this. Every minute of every day really. This is a lifetime commitment to making difficult choices using your pouch as a tool in that work. Yes it is wonderful and yes it is the best thing I have ever done for myself but it is no cakewalk. Food temptations are still real.
EDIT : This was posted at about 8 month out from surgery Dumping has been rough at times. Low iron absoption has made things more difficult. Sometimes I feel as though I paid good money to get my surgeon to give me some sort of dread gastrointestinal disease because nothing settles well, the bathroom is always an adventure, and I feel nauseous pretty regularly. One day I can eat XYZ without any issues, the next day it makes me sick as a dog. Learning to roll with it and adapt has been key to keeping positive.
EDIT: As of Aug 10, 2017 I rarely get nauseous or sick to my stomach anymore. I have learned what sort of things work for my pouch and what things don't. My iron is good right now but I have had multiple surgeries related to complications. Learning how to maintain weight is a whole new part of the journey. Still wouldn't change a thing!
Ultimately though I regret nothing and would do it all again in a minute. I am so grateful for this surgery. I truely believe this has saved my life. Before RNY I was limping through each day in a haze. My feet and knees ached constantly, I collapsed onto my couch as soon as I got home from work, I avoided a myriad of activities that were too physically demanding, I struggled with body image and self confidence issues, and my blood pressure and heart were a mess. Now...well, now life is 100% different and I love waking up in the morning to see what adventure awaits me.
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
