Deciding to live for me

Jan 22, 2022

For years I have always said that I'd never want to have weight loss surgery. I always said that if I couldn't lose the weight on my own then I'd just die as a plus sized woman. That all changed when I began having unexplained headaches since December 5, 2020. Before my I was told that I was pre diabetic. Before I was prescribed THREE different blood pressure meds. Before I was diagnosed sleep apnea. Before a size 22 starting fitting too tight. Even though I am generally full of self confidence, I am unhappy with me and ashamed of me. The only reason I have enough confidence to wear a bathing suit is because I'm usually on a beach on vacation around people that will never see me again. I know that people talk about me and probably gag when they see my fat and cellulite. But im not deciding to take this journey because of them, I need it because of me. I've been a mother since I was 20 years old and a wife since I was 24. I am now a mother of two children and have been married for 20 years; I can't recall the last time that I put myself first. I have put everyone before me. I stopped taking care of my weight and health, I've really just been winging it. I've spent a lot of days nursing my husband back to health, getting my kids through high school, college, and moving out of the country. I have neglected myself so much that I don't even have friends. For so long I have been content with not having a life and sitting home being bored. Now my children are 24 and 19 years old, my husband is retired, and I'm still trying to figure my life out. Well, one thing that I have figured out is the decision to take care of myself. I have put my pride aside and accepted the fact that I need help with this journey. I want to live a very long life. I want to see my children become parents, I want to take their kids on trips, attend their school function etc. i want to be able to get down on the floor and play with them once they are born. I want to live and I want to be healthy. I used to work in a bariatric surgery clinic so I have seen both good and bad results but I am stepping out on faith. I would like to have surgery but not get too skinny. I want to do this for all of the health reason and none of the cosmetics. I'm a tad bit scared but I have been told my numerous people that their only regret is taking so long to do it. So please take this journey with me while I try to accomplish my mission. 

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