Sandy~Diamond

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Hi again after a long, long time. I'm going to try to update my profile with as much information I can muster up. There is so much it will take a long time so please bear with me.

I got the tests needed to get surgery and passed them somehow. I was dying and I knew this was my only chance to live. As I mentioned in my other posts, complications weighed on my mind and I was scared but was determined to go ahead with the surgery. Was I willing to risk what life I had left to go under the knife? Yes I was. I was ready. I got the Greenfield filter (The filter they put in you to catch blood clots) put in and that was no walk in the park. It took 2.5 hours in the operating room in front of a group of students so  they could watch. My belly was SO huge that they had to literally tape it, bring the tape up to my shoulder and fasten it there so my belly would be held up and they could get to my groin. I got ONE series of shots to numb the incision and that was it. They had to dig me and prod me and I'm not sure what else but the pain was really bad. Had I known they wouldn't put me to sleep or close to it for the filter, I would have NEVER had it done. They told me they needed me awake as they were wheeling me to the operating room. They were playing this funky-butt music while they did the filter and when they asked me if I had any requests I said Def Leppard. They all roared in laughter. Excuse me? That was funny? Anyway, glad it was over. I thought I was pretty brave and only cried once when he put so much pressure on my groin that he actually had to use all his body weight to do it. Just a note.... if they want to do this without knocking your azz out... say NO.

I went to surgery and they forgot to weigh me before I went in. My top weight was 430 or a little more but I didn't weigh that before surgery. I had lost 15 or so pounds so I just said I weighed 410. So in I go... and woke up almost nine (yes, 9) hours later on life support. First why nine hours later? When the Doc opened me up I was a nasty mess. He said it was like mush inside. I had five of the hugest and worst hernias he had ever seen in his life of being a doctor. My simple gastric bypass turned into a big surgery. Wide open as far as they could get me. Ribs in a retractor to the breaking point. That really hurt later for a long time. I now have nerve damage from this. I now see a pain doctor for this nerve damage as well as the pain I get from the open wound and Fibromyalgia (sp). The Fibro came on like crazy after the surgeries because of the trama it put my body through.  Now let's talk about life support. If you have ever had it you know what I'm talking about. It's really frightening. Some tubes breathing for you and completely at a loss of any kind of control. If you are the kind of person that has to keep control, this is not for you. So if you haven't ever been on life support then I don't recommend it. (lol) But I stopped breathing and started dying on the table so I didn't have a choice.  

I woke up in a huge amount of pain from all the cutting he had to do. My top belly was smaller than the bottom for the first time in my life and I could see my belly button. Of course that was when I could actually sit up and look. He had to cut so much of me away that I actually was skinnier. So anyway, I woke up in pain and hands and feet strapped to the bed. I wanted to cry out and beg for my Mom but I couldn't talk due to the breathing tube in my lungs. I couldn't reach out because I was tied down. I couldn't see because they took my glasses. (blind here) All I heard was beeping and noises from the monitors and the machine breathing for me. I panicked sometimes because I couldn't move. The Morphine pump was put in my hand and believe me, I pumped. I stayed on life support for a few days and was warned before they removed the breathing tube that they would shove it back in if I wasn't able to breathe right on my own. I thought to myself... "Yeah, pull that thing out and I'll show you who can breathe or not breathe". And yessss indeed when they pulled it out I sucked in a huge breath of stale hospital air and was on my way.

I was taken out of Intensive Care after a few days and put in a real room. I couldn't sleep laying down and when they put me in a real bed I started to panic again. I couldn't turn, move, set up or anything. I felt I couldn't breathe. I was left for hours alone and couldn't remember to push the button sometimes or I lost it and dropped it and couldn't find the nurse button. I finally got the phone from the nurse and called my Mom and cried and told her I was dying to please come before I passed away. She came from West Virginia to Baltimore as fast as her short, little legs could carry her. They got me out of that bed where I couldn't breath and put me in a recliner. (See pictures) My Mom and sister moved in. We had a large room so my Sis slept in my bed, my Mom stayed in a couch bed and I in my recliner. I couldn't be without them. They made sure I got what I needed when I needed it. I stayed for a week in the hospital and when I was getting ready to go I remember thinking that it wasn't time. I was still sick. I felt weird. I was in too much pain even for all the cutting they had to do. They pulled out 2 of the 4 drains I had in my belly and the second one hurt so bad I almost passed out. The room was going dark and spinning. Somebody help me (I thought) because when I mentioned it they poo-pooed it away as someone who just got surgery and was hurting. I knew better.

I went home (my Mom's home) and was stuffed in Mom's recliner with pillows all around me and had my handy bottle of liquid Oxycodone on the table next to me along with a cold bottle of water. The liquid Oxy was the only thing I wanted in my mouth, trust me. Commercials or food didn't appeal to me. In fact, when I smelled food it about killed me. My family had to stay away from me when they ate because the smells made me sick. I was in that "OMG what did I do to myself" stage already. Of course I reminded myself that I would be dead anyway had I not had the surgery so I might as well shut up.
Thank God for my nephew David. He slept on the couch next to me and would jump up and check me at every sound. He was the one who pulled me up out of the recliner and he and Mom would get on either side of me and slowly walk me to the bathroom and ease me down as I yelled and moaned. I was like a baby. I could do nothing for myself. Not even wipe my own butt. Thank God also for Mom. She helped save my life and I know this. She did everything for me. Watched over me. Prayed for me. Did all the Mom things good Mothers do for their kids. She is awesome and wonderful and I love her so, so much. And trust me... wiping a 400 pound butt is nobody's idea of a fun time. She was right there as I cried and made all kinds of crazy noises and told her I was dying. This upset her so much I know but I couldn't help it. I thought I was dying and know what? I was right. 
I went back to Baltimore for a check-up. I told them I had a horrible pain under my ribs and it felt like a baseball was there. Ignored once again. 
Long, painful story short. I had a massive abdominal infection that kept getting worse and was just sent home. I was in severe agony and out of the blue my nurse practitioner called and said to get to Baltimore ASAP! The Center for Infectious Disease Control called and said I could have less that an hour to live. I had a horrible Staph infection. I had surgery to implant drains to drain off the infection. All in all I had these drains implanted 12 times or maybe more. I had a catheter put in my neck for at-home I.V. therapy. I also had a feeding tube they implanted when I went on Life Support... I guess they expected the worse and figured I would be a vegetable or something. I wanted it out. It was gross. Once I woke up and was soaked. The top had come off the feeding tube and gastric juices had run all over me. Completely slimed. I had to call for my Mom and she had to clean me up and change me and tape the top back on the feeding tube. 
I was put in the hospital every couple of weeks. Month after month. Twice I was transported to Baltimore by ambulance. Once I was put in and a tube was implanted and they actually drained TWO LITERS of infection from my abdominal cavity. The pain was indiscribable at times. It's a shame I had to beg before I was checked for this infection. They thought I was just a hysterical patient that couldn't stand pain. I knew the difference.
There were times... God forgive me... when I looked at that bottle of Oxycodone and thought "I could down that bottle within minutes and then I wouldn't hurt anymore." I was hurting in my body and in my soul. I was tired and I was in misery and I was depressed. I wanted it all to end but I couldn't do that to my family and friends. I had people that kept up with me and encouraged me. Dale (Dreamer) here on OH is my buddy and he's awesome. He called and had lots of people praying for me. He's been my on-line buddy for years and years and although we have never met, I feel we have been the best of friends forever. He just got his surgery a few days ago and is doing awesome. I love you Dale. Amy Williams called and was concerned and asked about me often. She is my inspiration because the girl has lost over 400 pounds and has Lymphedema way worse than I have it. My friend John was there for me the whole way. We also were on-line diet buddies and I had never met him before.  He came to see me from Ohio and stayed in the hospital for days with me in this horrible, uncomfortable cot. He made sure I got my pain medicine on time because that seemes to be a huge problem at that hospital. He made a couple friends with the nurses and peed a few more off. He wheeled my I.V. into the bathroom and plugged and unplugged it for me. He held onto me while I walked and made me put on my slippers (Hillbilly here) and forced me to eat because I just hated everything I was given and refused to eat most of the time. Everything I got as far as nutrition goes came from an I.V. He took good care of me and still does. He has visited me 3 times and still calls me several times a day and even reminds me to take my pills. (lol) I love you John-John!
After about 12 drains they gave up. I had surgery to open my belly on the right side and drain the infection and was left with an open wound. It was HUGE. They put this suction thingy on it and it drained the gunk into this container. I was sent home again. The nurses came to my house to change it one day and this smell hit me like road kill!!! I said to her "Please, please tell me that smell is not coming from me." Well, it was. Back in the hospital again where they had a special nurse come in 3 times a day with a scalpel and cut away the rotting flesh from my open wound. It wasn't working, I was still rotting. Back in the operating room again to make the wound even bigger and cut around the rotting flesh. (See pictures. Forgive the graphic nature for those with a weak stomach. Imagine how I felt!) When I looked down and saw that hole... my head started spinning. It was surreal. It wasn't me! That couldn't be me with a hole almost to my intestines... but it WAS me. So scary!
 I was given a surgery to implant a catheter in the main artery of my arm. ( PICC line) It didn't take and took 3 times to get it right. After the third try the nurse went to flush my line and accidently picked up the numbing medication she used to stitch me up. All of a sudden the room went spinning and it started going dark and I had a horrible ringing in my ears and I started going bye-bye. But I managed to say "Something's wrong!" before she was able to shoot the entire syringe into me. She yelled when she realized she flushed Lidecane (sp) directly into my heart instead of Saline. She got on the phone as I moaned on the table and they rushed me to Intensive Care for a couple days to monitor my heart. That was an experience I didn't need. I couldn't believe that happened. More time in the hospital and I HATE Intensive Care and was so afraid they would put me back on a respirator. Being on that thing really scarred me for life. A few more days in Johns Hopkins and back to moms I go.
 Another suction thing was put on me but was finally taken off after a couple weeks and we were shown how to take gauze and medication and pack my wound and cover it and tape it up. 
Not long ago I was hospitalized for Pneumonia and just now finished a round of antibiotics due to a severe kidney/bladder infection.  I just missed going to the hospital for that infection but the doctor let me take antibiotics at home. 
All together I have been hospitalized 11 times in 11 months and I still have the open wound. It's really small next to what it was in the beginning but I have to go see another surgeon December 11th because I have these knots that grew next to the incision and I have a tunnel inside the wound that won't heal. It's big enough for the nurse to put her finger inside and it goes half way inside. They aren't sure why it won't close and it may have something to do with the knots. So... I see another surgeon Monday to see if they will either cut the knots out or maybe cut around them and make another big incision which will put me back to step one all over again. I can't stand the thoughts of that. I have been putting up with this for almost a year, almost died 3 times and still fight nasty infections. I have to stay inside the house most of the time because I shouldn't be around people because of the germs. I even got an eye infection because I touched  a something germy and must have rubbed my eye. (That's what the eye doc said. Yuck) So I need to be extra careful and if someone here in the house gets a cold I have to be away from them and hole up in my room. My resistance is so low and my immune system is so bad I will get an infection from anything. Even small cuts will get infected. (sigh) I will write more later when I'm not so tired and will fix this entry up with other stories when I get the chance. I just wanted to let my friends know what happened to me so far. 
Oh, I almost forgot. I have gone from 430 pounds to 245. Not quite a 200 pound loss in 12 months. (I lost weight before surgery) I want to get to that 200 pound loss before my 1 year mark (Jan 2nd 2008) but my weight loss has slowed down to a snails pace. Not sure how to get it going again but I'm going to try!
Love and peace to you all.
Until next time,
Sandy

 

 

 

 

I can't believe I'm actually approved. It's still like a dream... surreal. 
It starts out with me not ever getting back to my surgeon about what surgery I decided to go with. After researching and talking to the DS board and looking and crying and agaonizing I still didn't know what to do. I wanted the DS for many reasons and when I was told that I had pre-cancerous cells and should go with the RNY because it kept a lot of what was eating me up at bay, I freaked. So anyway, my surgeon had his assistant call me after me going silent for 2 weeks and I reluctantly agreed to get the RNY. As I said, not that I don't think RNY isn't great, but it wasn't my first choice.  I am completely thankful though, that RNY is available to me and will be the surgery that saves my life. I have no doubts that if I live through this and finally get on my feet I will be feeling 100% better. I do have a fear of not making it through or at least having some kind of horrible complications though. I realize it's normal to feel this way for a lot of people but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow. But like I always quip (quoting Def Leppard) "I got somethin' to say... it's better to burn out... than to fade away!" All right! lol
I got my bags out and started to pack tonight. Just getting ahead a little but I know me. If I don't I'll be rushing and fall behind. 
Tomorrow I go to my local hospital for a test for H pylori. Then I have things to get together on Tuesday and pay some bills. Then Wednesday I have my pre-ops to do and Thursday I go to Baltimore to meet with anesthesia and pay the doctors surgeon fee. Then they are going to let me know the date I go in to get the Greenfield filter put in my groin (yay, sounding funner all the time) and into my main artery. Then I have to have it taken out 4 weeks later while taking blood thinner injections in between. Wee. What's that song that says "You have to go through hell before you get to Heaven". Well, I know a lot of you understand that. Not looking forward to the mess, but I know the pot of healthy gold at the end of the weight loss surgery rainbow will be so worth it. Twenty days and counting. *gulp*

Peace-n-Love,
Sandy
 

November 10, 2006~
I received a phone call from my surgeon today. Not from his office but directly from him. That was strange. The man is SO busy and he takes the time to call me. I knew it must be important.
He started out talking about my biopsy from the Endoscopy. It came back abnormal. I had no idea. I thought it had come back ok but I guess I just assumed it was ok because it took some time to hear back about it. He said I had abnormal cells in my esophagus that could lead to esophagal cancer. He told me I would have to hook up with a specialist and would more than likely have to have an endoscopy once a year to biopsy my esophagus and make sure it doesn't become cancerous. That was enough of a shock to me for one day. But there was more. He said he knew I wanted the DS surgery but he didn't want to turn the request in to my insurance company until I understood the seriousness of what was going on and let me know his thoughts on the situation. He wanted to let me know that the RNY was a better choice as far as my circumstances were concerned. He said he would do the Switch if I really wanted, but wanted to let me know the scoop. He said he didn't want to sway me, but if he was me and had the problem I now have and needed to choose.... he would go with the RNY. Simply because the part that produces the acid that is eating away at my body and giving me abnormal cells will be taken away and give my esophagus a break... which will hopefully lower my chances of getting cancer.
With the DS, this part of the stomach is left in place and will continue to produce acid and therefore continue to eat away at my esophagus.
My surgeon has given me the weekend to think it over and wants me to email him next week with a decision. I have talked it over with my family and they tell me there is no decision to make. I need to go with the surgery that may help save my life. But I am very upset about it. I wanted the DS so badly. But if he said he would go with the RNY in my shoes, if he is the surgeon and knows more about this than I do, if he could make thousands more by doing the DS over the RNY yet told me he would rather do the RNY because of my health... I guess I have to trust him. I don't want to get the DS and get thin then die of Esophagal cancer. That would suck. He said I should do well with the RNY but he will leave it to me. *sigh*
I guess I knew the answer before we even hung up. I need to do whats best for me and my health. With the RNY I can still lose a lot a weight and keep the acid at bay. I may or may not reach my goal, but I will be better off in more ways than one.
I will write more later.
Sandy

I Went to Baltimore to see Dr. Schweitzer on October 30th and he did tell me (after a bit of prodding) that DS was indeed the surgery of choice... especially for someone with a large BMI like I have. He did talk about malabsorpion being an issue and that some people that get the surgery may continue to lose once reaching goal and need to get a reversal of sorts. But I have been looking at profiles of DS patients and as long as you do what you should, malabsorption  shouldn't be a problem. And getting too small? So doubtful for me! But even so, I'll take that chance.
I also asked him about this incisional hernia. It's huge. Almost the size of a football. He said he would have to repair it although it was likely that it would come back after the DS. I figure I can get that repaired again when I get skin removed. Humm. I'm talking like I have this in the bag. Actually I feel very strongly that I'm going to have a fight on my hands with this. But rather than settle for a surgery that isn't the best choice for me, I would rather fight a little longer. It states in my BC/BS on-line statement that the DS surgery is thought of as experimental/investigational and therefore not covered. The last update was Sept, 2005. I know for a fact that BC has covered DS in other states. How can they have double standards? I expect a denial but I was sent info (which I have yet to read) from the awesome people in the DS forum here in OH that I can use as a rebuttal after they deny me. I'm hoping they don't deny me and spare me the stress, but I'm just not that lucky. I expect denials.
I'm going to start calling Debbie at Dr S's office to see if they have sent the request to BC yet. I want them to get on with it.
I'll update soon.
A special thank you to the DS folks that took me under their wings.
Love and Peace out and Happy November!
Sandy

I always thought a "switch" was something my Granny used to take off the bush to chase me with when I was bad. Or maybe people into the Dom and sub thing who like to turn the "other cheek" so to speak. (clearing throat) Not that I would know about that stuff.  

Anyway, Sunday night I was OH surfing and I went to the DS board, I confess I had been interested in DS because of hearing bits and pieces of it. They call it a "switch". So I took a deep breath and just plunged into researching it. I think it started out (don't spank me if I get this wrong) as a surgery done on MO people who had very high BMIs. Now a lot of different people with various BMIs are getting it and it's working great. From what I understand, the long term weight loss is better and so are a few other things. Now, I don't want to upset anyone reading this, ok? Know that I love ya (kisses). BUT, I have been reading profiles for a long time and there are a few things that upset me concerning RNY. One thing is the closing of the stoma. The biggie for me though is the weight loss that stops before hitting a good weight. Let me just say that people who start out at 400, 500, 600 pounds or more and who lose hundreds of pounds are a HUGE success in my eyes. But how frustrating it must be for those wonderful people to go through all this and then stop at a weight that some people are just going into surgery with. I believe if I get to a weight of 200 or 225 I would still be a success story. Down from over 400 pounds? Yes, success. SO many people are. You can't lose that kind of weight and be thought of as a failure. NO WAY! But being the greedy hussy that I am, I want more. I want to get to at least 150lbs then get skin removed. (the girl has big plans, don't she?) Shoot, with all this skin I'm going to have, that might put me at 130 pounds now that I think of it. Wow. Another thing that worries me... hunger. Having had the staples 16 or so years ago I still had that piece of stomach in there and... well... it got hungry. It would groan and growl and I would feel like I was starving. I would eat and get full in my UPPER pouch but the lower pouch would still be hungry. But I couldn't eat to fill the hungry part because the staples were there. Well, at least they were in place for a few months. I HATE to be hungry! That burning, gnawing, growling sensation that drives me batty! Especially before my period. Oh man! I call it BPS... Bottomless Pit Syndrome. I swear I can eat a full meal then an hour later my stomach is growling! I just keep wanting to eat to make the feeling go away. Now, after BPS is finished with me, I do the very opposite and don't get hungry. It will be 3 or 4 in the evening and I realize I haven't eaten all day. Why? No hunger pangs. If I could get rid of that mess I would have a much better chance. LOL I know. Sounds like I have mental problems but it's true. With the DS they actually remove the evil stomach! I really like that idea! No chance of it doing weird things from just laying there and no chance of it getting hungry because it's not there. It's somewhere in the "spare parts garbage can". That's where it belongs along with my uterus, both ovaries, this abdomen that hangs to my knees and about 40 pounds of skin. The rest of my stuff can stay as long as it behaves. (evil grin)
So, I got a wild hair someplace and wrote my surgeon an email and asked his opinion. I told him it took me 16 years to decide to try this again and I want to make sure I'm getting the correct surgery for MY particular set of circumstances. I sent it Sunday night late and by Monday morning at 9:00 my phone was ringing. It was my surgeon's office and he wants to see me first thing Monday, October 30th to discuss this. How is that for fast? And the man is SO, SO busy. I was impressed. He does RNY open and Lap, Banding and DS so he knows the deal and what patients do best with what surgery and I want to be the best success story I can be. I trust him whole-heartedly and will do what he thinks... but I do believe he might want to go with the DS or he wouldn't waste our time with an appointment. Godzilla looks like a piss-ant next to my BMI, so I obviously need major help. I'm really leaning to the DS thing. Leaning? No... I want it. Oh Lowdy I said it. I think I have changed my mind and want to go with the DS. Why so late in the game? I have been in the RNY mode for years! I can't even wrap my brain around the fact that people don't dump with DS. Is that a good thing or bad? Lawd have mercy I drive my own self crazy!
As for CIGNA, I talked to them and they said they would not pay for the surgery because we were no longer associated with the company. Pfffft! Whatever. Let them win their little victory I guess. I will just go with BC/BS and hope I get approved. For RNY, DS or whatever I decide. The important thing is getting the surgery and getting better. The other day I developed 2 new wounds on the back of my leg. Nasty. While DH was putting hot compresses on me he was sweet but firm with his words. "Don't worry about the money we will owe and GET THIS SURGERY NOW."  Um, ok. Then my big bro calls my Mom (the same day mind you) and she tells him I am still messing with CIGNA because I don't want to borrow the surgeon's fee from him and owe big bills as well. He said "TELL HER NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THE MONEY AND GET THE SURGERY ASAP!"    Um, ok. Then my Mom said "Sandy, stop worrying about the money before it kills you and just go with Blue Cross and get this surgery as soon as you can." Gee whiz. Gang up on me why doncha?  So, I guess I will go with whoever says they will pay for it first. I could have it much worse and not have coverage at all so I think of myself as blessed as far as that goes. Very blessed. I am so thankful for the chance to even try again. I can only hope BC/BS will approve me for whatever surgery I decide to have. I will go to Dr. Schweitzer October 30th and decide and then tell them to submit the package again and include the last page of my 6 month supervised weight loss thing and then wait for an answer.
If you pray, you know what to do. If you send vibes, turn on the waves. If you hope, cross those little piggies for me. I will let you know how it goes.
Ok, it's 5 in the morning and I have been up since 2:30. (I only sleep 4 hours at a time) and I downed my Oxycodone and Tylenol for the body aches and pain and it do believe it may be kicking in. Weeee! What a life. lol.
To whoever is reading this... thank you for taking the time. It 's funny, you know? To feel cared for by people you don't really know and haven't met. I wish I was well and could go to Lexington to meet everyone going. Maybe some day it will happen again but a lot of people act as if this is a once in a lifetime thing and they will never do it again. I hope that's not the case. I would love to have my turn meeting all those message board Divas and Divos.
Love and happiness to you all. I really mean that. Even if you hate me. lol.
Sandy

October 18, 2006~ I finally have all of my "stuff" changed over to the new profile here in Obesity Help. I love it. So much more fun and up to date and easier to deal with.
I did put some pictures up of me that I took before I got really sick. I used to keep them off here because I thought I was presenting a "fake" me. The "real" me was the sick-looking Sandy, not the healthy-looking Sandy. But Not true! I changed my mind. The sick Sandy is the temporary look. Not the real look. The real me is what I looked like for all those years before I got sick and I will look healthy again if I can ever get approved. My fave right now is me and the vampire. LOL. He looks like he is really going to get me. I love the darkness and the black/white effect. Halloween is the perfect time to throw it up here on the profile too!
As for my approval story, It looks like another surprise thrown in here to confuse me a little more. My surgeon just started taking secondary insurance. I about freaked when the assistant told me. This means if CIGNA is made to pay for my surgery they will pay everything 90% including surgeons fee and then BC/BS will pay the rest! So much better than BC paying just 80% and me paying $5,500 myself for the surgeons fee. I did finish the last month of the 6 month Dr. Supervised Weight Loss Program and have the paper ready to fax to BC/BS but I don't want to do that yet if CIGNA has to pay for the surgery. So I feel I'm SO close to an approval yet it seems so far away. I just talked to one of the gals there at Dr. S's office at Johns Hopkins and they are calling CIGNA as we speak. They are requesting additional information about me. Geesh. Never ending. I'll wait for Dr. S's office to call me today and let me know what they say. On and on it goes.
Chubby lil' hugs,
Sandy

October 6, 2006~I know it's been a while since an update. I've been spanked for it by a few people. lol. Here is the latest.
First of all,  I have gone from CIGNA mode into BC/BS mode again. Even though I will have to pay for the surgeon myself and it only pays 80% instead of 90% like CIGNA.
I did make my package and sent it to my surgeon... who in turn sent it to Blue Cross along with their information. THREE business days later they contacted my surgeon and said they needed one more month of the Dr. Supervised Weight Loss Program. I actually expected it in a way. They don't "count" the first visit. They think of it as a "consult" instead. But I was ahead of them. I already had an appointment for October (which I actually moved up a week myself because it only came to three weeks from my last appointment and I wanted to be sure it was ONE MONTH so the insurance company wouldn't reject it) The date of my next appointment is less than a week away. October 12th. I will make the appointment that morning at 8:30 and when I get a copy of the nutrition notes before I leave... I will go directly to the fax service and send it to my surgeon. I will insist they fax it to BC/BS that morning. I have waited long enough.  They did review my over 70 page package in three business days and asked for the additional information. If they can review all that information in 3 days, I'm sure they can review that one last page within the same time. I will start calling after 3 busines days. Also, I called my surgeon's office and asked them if the call they received from B/C was a DENIAL. She said no! It was not a denial. It was just a request for additional information. This gives me hope that I will turn that paper in and they will see that my package is complete and hopefully approve me. So, I now wait for my appointment date. Six days and counting. Wish me luck!
Love and Peace!
Sandy

August 24th 2006~I called CIGNA because I wanted to know their decision. When I called they screwed me around for 3 days telling me it might have to go through a "third step". This third step was never mentioned before. They finally called me and said it was true. They need to take it through a third step. I need to put another package together like was sent to the External Review board and send it to my husbands former employer and it's up to them to make a decision. Of course they know that since August 1st he hasn't worked for that company. They also know that when that bit of info is revealed to the main company (which is huge and international) they will say "Why should we approve her when they are no longer associated with the company?" This will in turn take CIGNA off the hook. What does this tell me? It tells me that the External Review Board saw my package, my many doctors letters, my co-morbs and my pictures and APPROVED me. They approved me.They approved me and it doesn't matter. And I have to sit here with a huge pain in my heart knowing I was approved like everyone else and still can't get the surgery. I know I was approved and can't jump onto the message board and type it out in big words for everyone to see. I can't call my surgeon and tell them the good news and get a surgery date. I have to live with the knowledge that I was approved by a board of doctors... professionals.... people that know my life is in danger and that I need this surgery now.... and that the final decision lays in the hands of a bunch of people that care only about making more money. They have no interest in my life or what I have gone through to get this far. I can't believe this has happened yet again... and yet I DO believe it. It's the pattern, isn't it? Get my hopes up, crush them. Get my hopes up, crush them. On and on for months. Time after time. It's so easy to write it here in my journal. It's so easy for others to read it and not have any idea how it actually feels unless they have gone through it. I see now how it works. I see how people can get SO sick of dealing with this day after day. They get so frustrated that in order to get some stress relief they just give up. Not thinking about it is so much easier. That's what the insurance company hopes for. They know it's hard even for the strongest of souls.
Of course on the other hand, if you give up and forget about it, in 6 months you will be no closer to freedom. But if you just trod along and don't give up in 6 months you could hit paydirt.  I won't give up. I keep saying that in here. I won't give up. And I won't. Not until I run out of options. I feel so badly for others that have had it even worse than I have. My heart breaks for them. I can only hope and pray that something good happens for them and they get the surgery they so deserve. No matter how badly I feel, there is always someone who feels worse.
Peace Out,
Sandy

August 19, 2006~ I hate to do this to you, but I have a new twist YET AGAIN in my personal soap... "As the Stomach Turns (into a pouch)"  So get this... CIGNA has been denying me for months and months while I was paying them so if they are forced to pay for the surgery they HAVE to pay even if I'm not paying for COBRA. Well, I don't even know what to think. I had put CIGNA on the back burner so to speak. But it looks like I may still be in the running with them. If I can get CIGNA to pay for the surgery I will! Just for the pure JOY of watching the dollars fly out of their pockets. The jerks tried to kill me off. Make me go away. I didn't.  Anyway, when I talked to my surgeons office manager Debbie, she said even if CIGNA was on COBRA they couldn't charge the surgery to them because they were secondary insurance to BC/BS. They need primary.  I guess I will have to wait and see. So, I will hold off on sending my Doc any papers for BC/BS. I will wait to see if CIGNA is forced to pay for my surgery. If they are forced to pay for it and the Doc takes it, they will pay out their doodie-holes. And I will laugh all the way to the operating room. If the Doc won't accept them I will go with Blue Cross and wait the 2 months till I finish my 6 month diet. Or maybe submit once and appeal if they deny me for not having the whole 6 months. This really depends. B/C shouldn't have to pay for a surgery that was another's responsibility, but I have to think of myself and my health. I guess I'll write again when I hear something.
Oh, yeah. My Mom came through her shoulder replacement with flying colors and without pain! Her heart was wonderful and healthy. (did a dye test) She is only 10 days out of surgery and can lift her arm higher than before surgery. Also, my Brother left back for Florida this morning. He works as the entertainment in several shows for Carnival Cruise Lines. He is a musician and sings too. You can read about him at www.blackjackband.com and his name is Jimmy. Sis-in-law's name is Melanie.  I won't see him and sis-in-law for many months but hopefully they can come home for the new year. If not, for sure next summer.  Well, thanks for reading. Like Arnold said.... "I'll be baaaack."
Love,
Sandy

August 18th 2006~ I thought I would stop in to give the latest. Not much to it really but here it is. I went to my visit this week for my 6 month dr supervised weight loss. I swore I didn't go in July. I SWORE it! I don't even have it written down in my journal. But she swears I was there and has the notes to prove it. I must be nuts. (my Psych eval WAS wrong) But hey, that means the months are consecutive. BUT she said it started in APRIL not March. I did see the office in March so I'm going to see if they can't count it as a start. That means If March... I would have 5 months down and next month to go to complete the 6 month diet. If they won't count March and start with April, it means I have September and October to go. Either way, I'm going to submit what I have right now and see if I can get approved. If they are strict I guess I have no choice but to wait until October and re-submit and if I'm approved then I won't get a date until around New Year. YES I want to get it as fast as I can, but if I have to wait another 2 months, so be it. Whats the biggie after waiting YEARS for this. Two months would be nothing. Right? I will be as healthy as I can and do what I can to stay alive untill then. Also I try to look at it this way, if I get it at the begining of the year I can have 100 pounds off by summer. Maybe more? If I try I can be in the 200's someplace.    I know. I want to be 260 pounds by July first. That would mean losing 140 pounds if I can get myself down to 400 pounds before surgery. Why 260? Because that's 5 pounds less than what I weighed after the first stomach stapling 16 years ago. I lost down to 265 before the staple line disrupted during gallbladder surgery. That will be my goal by July first no matter if I have the surgery tomorrow or January.
So, I will pick the papers up on Monday from my Nut and Doc. Finish my packet and send it to my surgeon. Hopefully BC/BS won't have a cow over not being a full 6 months. But if they do have a cow, I will finish the 6 months and decalfeinate them. lol.   Thanks for writing me. You encourage me! I won't give up.
Love and Peace to you and yours,
Sandy