Angela M.

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i think i almost just died...i got so dizzy in the shower and i had to hold on to the side and then everything got black and i knew i was gonna pass out so i went down on my knees and i just passed out, i dont know for how long but when i could see again i was shaking so bad i couldnt get the water off and i felt like i was gonna hurl. this ever happen to anyone else before? my blood pressure is normal i just checked it. it was so weird.

So I just wrote this on the sleep apnea board but I thought Id share here because..Im pissed. =)

So I just got my CPAP machine three days ago and honestly, I want to smash it. I am someone who usually adapts to weird things pretty easily but Im struggling with this SO MUCH. Im supposed to be wearing it every night so it can adjust the pressures so they can set mine in 8-10 days but I CANT FALL ASLEEP WITH IT. First night I did but I woke up ripping it off my face because I felt like I was suffocating and then 3-4 times after that Ive been so tired that I cant keep my eyes open and Im passing out...then I put it on and I lay awake for at least an hour before I take it off, lay down...Im out within literally seconds. It is only set at 4, the lowest pressure. I know it takes people a while to get used to it but I cant even sleep with it for a tiny bit of time. Does it get better or am I just one of those people who absolutely cant tolerate it. I am determined to fight this thing so I'll keep working at it but man Id tell you, I really wanna take a hammer to it.

Well. Today sucks. Didnt sleep at all. Woke up at 9 because Fallon called and said they were coming to my house, but they ended up cancelling once I was up and dressed. So Im cramming now for my final that is at 1. Then Fallon is gonna come here at 3. But at least Im going out to dinner tonight =)...maybe I'll cheer the fuck up. Its CHRISTMAS time, man oh man. Saw the first snow today and everything and it was just BLAH. Whatever, I hope everyone else is enjoying December...



Wow I just read what I wrote earlier, Im such a freakin GRUMP. Now lets do a reality check: I finished my final in 11mins (first one done, go me!), I got way more sleep then I made it sound and I shouldnt be sleeping until noon anyways, Lauren is my #1, MY DOG IS CUTER THAN YOURS, I really do love christmas, and I have an amazing new boyfriend that is taking me out tonight. So Im just a little dramatic when I first wake up. Forgive me, thanks! C-PAP guy is coming at 3, we'll see how that one goes...

YEAAAAAAAA CPAP=DEATH

Yea so my new boyfriend is h0t. End of story. =)

So today my mom had surgery. I brought her to the hospital at 6am and was expecting to get her after my appointment at 2. But when I came back home and went to sleep I got a call at 8:20 saying that I could come pick her up. WEIRDD. But I guess everything was really quick, went well. THANK GOD!...She even brought home the screws that were in her foot. But now she is home and she doesnt feel good at all. She is in bed for the night already. Anddd my dad is stopping by at 8:30 because he is leaving sunday for Ghana. And I saw the pulmonologist and he is starting me on a CPAP, I just have to wait for Fallon to call and get me the machine. Other than that I didnt do anything else really today except saw the boy. Hung out for a bit, walked around in the rain, then watched tv and made dinner. Speaking of dinner- I should probably eat it now. YUMMM =)

"... Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."  

Case Study – Actual Results from an Independent Testing Laboratory:

We recently noticed that several online messages about a protein supplement named Hank’s mentioned that the users experienced dumping syndrome after consuming the supplement. This raised the possibility and concern that this product contained a large amount of sugars. So we sent it off to one of the largest independent testing laboratories, Silliker Labs, to be evaluated. They can be found at www.Silliker.com . The Hank’s samples had less than half the protein claimed, and roughly 9 times the sugars claimed. 

Yea so I have two tubs sitting in my cabinet and I dont know what the hell to do! I hope I like the Smarte-Forme samples Laura gave me, Im going to try them RIGHT NOW!

Oh man I cant sleep! Im really excited but it doesnt even feel real. Ive been fighting this for so long and now to think that I dont have to fight anymore is kind of amazing. I dont want to let my gaurd down just yet though because I dont know if there will be anymore hoops that I need to jump through between now and surgery, but its really happening!! I talked to Buffy tonight for the first time in a while and she is still struggling but she was really happy for me and she decided that she is going to stay in the group and she is meeting with Dr. Bourne tomorrow (well today) for some motivation and direction. I cant wait until she is approved too! So many of us in my group are done or almost done. Patti is a month out, Lisa had hers last tuesday, Im approved, and Roxanne is approved. That just leaves Buffy, Diane, and Sue. Even I bet Marisol will be approved soon. Its sooo great. I just wish Lauren had freakin insurance right now so we could go through this together, but I know she'll be here every step of the way anyways, she is such a good friend. Tonight she said I better not leave her after I get skinny and I said OH HELL NO! She is the first REAL friend Ive had. Friends for life =). So yea maybe I'll be having surgery in January. What a greattt way to start out the new year, a whole new person, and a whole new chapter. Its funny the time on the clock right now is exactly how much I weigh, weird I just noticed that haha. Back to the point though, if I have surgery in Jan then by my 21st bday that will be a year and a half, so hopefully by then Im really healthy and doing all the things Im supposed to be doing and Im really happy with all the things Ive accomplished. Soon after my birthday me and my mom are going to Hawaii, what a great way to celebrate!! Life is just so good right now and I thank God so much for getting me through all this. It really was my strong faith that pulled me through all the tough times, I wanted to give up sooo much. But I deserve this and I just cant waitttt!! Okay I cant write anymore I mustttt go back to sleep! Later cuties! xOx

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Sue from nutrition just called and told me that December 13th at 3:30 I have to go to the pre-surgery nutrition class!!! Thats when they go over Stages 1 & 2 of the post-op diet. Im sooooo excited that this is actually happeningggggggggggggg. I just wanna scream. They will be calling really soon to give me my appointment!!

Dr. Arcand's office just called and I have my consult December 18th at 1:30!!! Oh my Godddd! <3

Well I really didnt wanna get out of bed this morning, I swear its the weather. When I got up at 7am it looked like it was the middle of the night. But I got up and went to class. I got a 95.5 on my psych test! That means my two grades are 91 and 95 so my third test shouldn't make too much of a difference, I'll still get a good grade. And I should do well on that test because its only on 1 chapter when the rest were on like 3. I just got on the scale (I had to change clothes, the ones I was wearing were too heavy!) and it kinda sucks because Im holding steady at .6 away from goal. They better not make me go back next week to see if I lost that .6!! But its only 9:45 and Im not getting weighed until 1:30 or so, maybe I'll pee it out! haha. Man all this schemin is driving me crazy. My mom was sitting at the table this morning and she said "You must be really sick of all this because I am and its not even happening to me." I agreed. Its horrible. I just want to go there, weigh in at my 5% (for the second time) and GET A SURGERY DATE! Man oh man. On the bright side, there is a new guy. Well he isn't new, we dated before when I was like 14. He is closer to my age (23)...and I dunno we'll see how that goes. Im excited. So I'll check back laterrr.
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'---> So scratch the worries (kinda) up above. I got on the tredmill for 5 minutes, FIVE...and I went from 347.6 to 346.4- I have to be somewhere between 346.0 and 346.9 at 1:30...GOOD DEAL. And even better- last time my scale was 2lbs higher then theirs. But anyways NOW I will stop obsessing because reading all this is kinda pathetic. Actually, no 'kinda' about it, it is pathetic. Okay nap time!
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Okay I met with Laura and she is great. haha Okay so I stayed the same at 345 so that means I am still at 5% (thank God) and she is emailing Dr. Arcand today. I put in a call to Dr. Bourne and I am waiting for her to call me back.
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IM APPROVED!!!! Dr. Arcand just called and yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! (More later)

Haha okay Im at Lauren's house now, I rushed right on over! Its so great to have the bestest friend in the world, and I have this site to thank because we met on here in the midst of my frustration. Even though she is like 8 years older then me, we click great. But okay enough about that...IM APPROVED!!! Im so damn excited!! Im just waiting now for them to call me and give me my consult date, then after that its surgery within 30days!! Dr. Arcand said he would rush me in anyways. This is sooo great. After all the bullshit I had to go through its all finally coming to an end and I can open up another chapter in a new book. I just want my date!! It almost doesnt feel real because Ive been going through all this for sooo long. Im sooo happy. Me and Lauren are going to celebrate tonight after the kids go to bed! hahaha Thanks guys for all the support! Marisol your great and thanks for all the messages keeping my spirits up! Love you guyssss!

Well today is better than yesterday but still pretty gloomy. Im exhausted and I really dont wanna go to class but at least its only for an hour and 15mins. Im starving but I know its mostly head hunger and I just need to find a way to get that under control. Im just like a half a pound away from goal and Im getting weighed in tomorrow at 1:30. I cant wait for it to be over, I hate the pressure! I have no worries though but at least once its over I can call Dr. Bourne, get in touch with Dr. Arcand- then hopefully they will give me the go ahead for approval and schedule me a consult. Smooth sailing from there. Its just been such a damn rollercoaster and I cant take it much longer. I keep telling myself that I dont even care anymore, but I so do. I dont obsess over it like I was a few weeks ago but it still nags at me every day. Man Im inching towards the weekend. I cant believe today is only tuesday. I want tomorrow to be OVERRR! Not just for weight reasons but also because I have a big presentation in school and its going to be a long day, I hate those. Thursday will be a no biggie and friday Im not sure how many classes Im going to because my mom is having surgery and I have my pulmonology appointment. Hopefully they give me a CPAP. Then maybe I wont be so damn exhausted all the time.

Im SOOO exhausted and miserable. Today is going to be a bad day, I can already tell.

Well its the first time I got out of bed today and its umm 5pm. I just feel stressed out not knowing what the hell is going to happen. I cant wait until the semester is over and I have surgery and I can stop worrying about all this CRAP. Thats all I have to say.