I feel loved!

Oct 18, 2006

Wow I got a card in the mail today from my old bosses and co-workers from Barnes & Noble and it made me feel so great. I haven't worked there since July 05 and they still are thinking of me. Lots of people signed it and told me that I have to come visit. I didn't think I was that special to anyone. I really appreciate it and it definitely made my day. I wish I could go back! That's going to be my first choice after I lose some weight! I wish I could handle it now but holidays are coming up and it will be super busy requiring crazy hours and I just dont think my body can handle it. I wish I could though. I cant wait for the day that I don't have to worry about standing on my feet for too long. That would be great. Another note, I met this wonderful woman on here who is also from the NWH program and she is practically my neighbor! Her daughter and my brother go to the same school and I probably walk right by her house everyday. The world is sooo small, its crazy!  But she is amazingly sweet and supporting and its so wonderful to have this site. Im grateful for it every single day. Now I just got to get out and meet some people in real life! haha

NWH

Oct 18, 2006

Hey all! Okay so last night I went to NWH for their support meeting (one of the 3 I am required to attend). It was such a pain driving there because it was crazy rush hour and we were headed pretty close towards boston. Me and my mom were not thrilled. It was also getting dark and raining...plus we didnt know were the hell we were going. We finally arrived (late) and I had to pee sooo bad but I just went into the meeting anyways. It was pretty good. It was about stress reduction and listening to your body. I learned a few things that I actually already put to use. I saw two women from OH but after the meeting I had to run because oh man I needed to use the bathroom. But Im sure Ill see them again and finally be able to introduce myself. I met one of the surgeons too. My mom loved him. I dont think he will be my surgeon though unless there is a cancellation because my consult in January is scheduled with Dr. Partridge. We'll see. I took Dr. Arcand off my page as my surgeon because its all up in the air right now. It will either be Dr. Arcand, Dr. Partridge, or Dr. Gazmuri, ONE of them have to freakin operate on me! haha. But overall I had a good time and it gave me something constructive to do with my time. Im going to the new patient orientation next week with my mom and maybe Lauren. Im excited! Oh yea and I screwed up, my appointment with Laura is tomorrow not today so I'll talk to her and figure things out. Blah. I just know that I cant lose the weight they want me to before surgery. Thats at least 6 more pounds but as much as 25. I've already lost 16 (20 according to me) but its not good enough. And its too much- if it was that easy I wouldnt freakin need WLS!!! Okay Im off the soapbox. I'll keep you updated.

::Does a little dance!::

Oct 17, 2006

Okay so I returned the call of Newton-Wellesly Hospital today out of sheer frustration with Fallon Clinic and they gave me an appointment with the surgeon on January 10th....but I can be put on the cancellation list after the orientation meeting which is October 26th. So that gives me some hope and a sort of backup plan. I am attending one of their community support groups tonight with my mom and we'll check it all out. The receptionist told me that they are scheduling surgery 2-3 months after your consult so that will probably be around feb-march depending on when my consult is, if there is a cancellation. We shall see. Honestly I wouldnt mind waiting for them because I have hope and faith in them (and I'd love a woman surgeon!)- with Fallon Clinic I just feel like they work against you and give you the run around and its never ending. We shall see. Im not going to ask my PCP for a refferal until 2-3 weeks before my appointment so I will continue with FC until then. Hopefully they will give me a freakin surgery date before NWH. I meet with Laura my nutritionist tomorrow and Im going to ask her straight out how long she is expecting me to wait. The approval team meets at the end of every month and if she is going to want me to meet goal, lose a little more, and do some protien diet thing and they aren't planning on approving me until december then I will just quit the program. Even if I got approved at the end of december surgery wouldnt be until feb-march, just like NWH. But either way something will happen and I will be getting surgery in early 2007 no matter what I need to do. Then hopefully I'll be at GOAL (145) before Hawaii in 2009. Thats when Im supposed to graduate too, how cool would that be. Well Im gonna go finish the rest of my breakfast now seeing as how its almost lunch time but I will update this post later tonight after the NWH group! Later Gator

So...how long until I can wear some CUTE clothes? Ughh


Wonderful Weekend!

Oct 15, 2006

I feel much better and I had a great night last night. It was me and my boyfriends anniversary and he took me out for the night. We went and stayed at a nice place in Chicopee. It was so fun- we went to the movies and saw the Departed, I loved this movies sooo much but it kept my heart racing and ohhh poor Leonardo =( haha. It was the best movie Ive seen in such a long time. Then we went out to eat and had a blast even though we had to wait forever for a table. It was fun though, always is. Then we went back to the room and had a glass of wine and goofed around for a while. We watched another old movie on HBO and then I harassed him until like 2am, then we crashed. Then I was up harassing him again by 8am by jumping on him and splashing water at him, yea Im lucky he loves me! Then we packed up and headed to Westfield were he showed me his old neighborhood and where he grew up. He showed me his childhood house and elementary school and all the places where him and his friends used to ride bikes and go fishing. It was really fun and I think Westfield is such a nice little town. I should've went to college there. Then he took me to Stanley Park and we had such a nice time walking around and me chasing the animals and trying to talk to them, haha. The chipmuncks loveddd me but man oh man did those HUGE geese seem to hate my guts- they were creepy!! I saw the cutest dog and he gave me a big smoooch and then we just strolled around and looked at all the pretty things. It was so wonderful walking along all those little bridges and trails and under the covered bridges- far away from the geese! There were tons of duckies that were so cute and they were talking to me! lol I had a really good time and it was beautiful out. If anyone is ever in western mass check out Stanley Park!! Here are some pictures of the park:

Isn't is lovely? I loved it and I can't wait to go back with my dog! Well that was my weekend. I don't want it to end!! Back to school tomorrow, blah!! =(

Today was a half & half day.

Oct 13, 2006

Does my title make sense? haha Well to me it does. I mean today I was still sick, not fun. But I did get up for school ( a true miracle ) and I even walked home, twice! I ate so-so. Here is todays menu:

Breakfast 
JC breakfast sandwich
Yoplait light yogurt
Snack 
Mini cheddar rice cakes, maybe 7
5 or so cubed pieces of pineapple
Lunch
JC Bean and Ham Soup
Whole Wheat Pita with 6 Turkey Slices (50 cals, 1gram fat)
Snack
Mini snack pack Teddy Grahms
Diet hot chocolate (25 cals)
Dinner
Roasted Veggies
JC Turkey w/ Gravy & Green Beans
Snack
JC Lemon Cake w/ milk

So thats today. Not too bad but I could improve a bit. There is ALWAYS room for improvement! And I walked a little over 30 mins, well actually it was 5,040 steps!! YAY. There may even be time for another walk. We'll see. I really want to push myself and get out of the house tomorrow. I just want to feel better. Im trying to think of somewhere or something I can do tomorrow if my boyfriend does come and take me somewhere. Maybe the apple orchard if its nice out! Or maybe the track, hmmmph we'll see!

Sickly

Oct 12, 2006

Well, it's early early. I feel like shit. I mean its the first night I really really SLEPT a good sleep so thats great but I seriously think I have an ear infection. Either that or my ear is just not too happy with me for some reason, but it kills to even move my head. Go figure- this is the weekend where I had plans with THREE people!! Like, LIVE people...haha not fake ones. Go figure. Well i have a long day of school ahead of me today and then I'll see how I feel. Today is me and my boyfriends anniversary but we aren't going to do anything today, he is busy busy. His season is almost over so right now he is overloaded. Oh well. You know what I decided? Life goes on. I'm not going to KILL myself to get to lose 5lbs this month. It's just not worth it. I've been steadily losing weight for over 5 weeks now and I'm not going to drive myself insane. I'll get there when I get there. Waiting another month isn't going to be horrible. I know myself and there is just no point in setting myself up for dissapointment. Then I'll just be angry and say screw it all. I'm just going to do what I've been doing and lose 1-3 lbs a week like usual and then by the next team meeting in November I will be past my goal and they shouldn't have any problems in approving me. There is no sense in pushing myself super hard because I have other areas of my life that I need to focus on also. And mentally, I just can't be 100% perfect with food and exercise everyday, and that's what it would take. I'll be ready when I'm ready. But by saying that I will not sabotage myself either, I'm going to do what I know I can do and not less. "It works if you work it", haha most people say that about AA. Oh well my addiction is food, yum. Okay breakfast time. Back to good ole Jenny Craig =)

Just another week.

Oct 12, 2006

So the week came and went and I only lost one damn pound. At least its something though, and I didn't gain. I was just really hoping for more. I guess I was blessed with a pound because I wasn't as diligant has I should have been but I just want to lose 5 lbs so badly. Is that doable for the next two weeks? I mean 2.5lbs a week isn't too unrealistic but I just don't know if my body will cooperate with me. It's really hard. Geri told me to just make sure I eat all my veggies and milks and drink tons of water so I think that's what I gotta do. She also suggested 45mins a day on the tredmill. I don't know about that- its a struggle to do 15. I really wanted to be at goal this month so badly but I really only have 13 days left in order to be approved at the meeting. Can I do it? I know I can it's just a matter of determination. I hate to admitt this about myself but I am really weak, that's why I got so goddamn fat! Okay okay enough with the pity party- lets talk about something positive- I met with Nancy Gill, the counselor that I was told I had to see...and she straight out asked me "What are you doing here?!?" She said I am in no need of therapy, I am ready for surgery, and that Im so smiley and cheery. I didn't put on an act I was just my normal sweet self. I did tell her about past depression, my car accident, and sleep problems...but she still said its no biggie- she said to start we can meet once a month and then after that just "as needed." That felt GREAT. Im not crazy! haha That's the first time I spoke to a therapist and they didn't suggest extra sessions- IM CURED! No, I just grew up. When I was younger yes I was depressed but I also just needed the attention. Now I find more positive attention in other areas of my life. That's good right? IN YOUR FACE DR. BOURNE! haha jk. So yea back to reality...I'm fat- and we need to do something about this. Preferably ASAP.

Side note: I called Lauren today! We met on OH and were both scared to call each other but when I came home I just said Eh What the Heck? and I called. I hope I didn't freak her out or anything- she wasn't expecting it. But I think we got along just fine. She is so sweet, I really hope we stay friends. I really appreciate her encouragement and her support. Sometimes it's really hard when you don't have many friends. But I think she is really awesome and hopefully she doesn't think Im a total freak now.  Well I gotta go. Blah

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

Oct 11, 2006

I just recieved an email from my friend Patti from my behavioral group. She is having surgery on November 1st and Im so excited! She is amazing and wonderful and Im so happy that I met her. She really made me feel like Im doing the right thing in this program and I hope she doesnt mind but I wanted to post her email here:

-Dear Angela,

Thank you for your email! I was so happy to open my email and see your name! You really have inspired me Angela. You have a certain honesty about yourself that I admire. I'm very happy our paths have crossed.

I appreciate your encouragement. I think we all understand each other better than some of own family members. We have a bond now that I hope will keep us together. I have a good feeling about your appt. with Laura on the 19th. She was the one who helped me get approved. I think she is really in our corner and will do what she can to support us. I believe in prayer and I have been keeping our group in prayer since we met. I will remember you on the 19th for sure!

I'm flying to DC tomorrow to see my daughter. She lives there now and is a law student. Can't wait to see her.

I hope to see you soon Angela. I will make the Dec. meeting for sure!!

Take good care of yourself,

Patti 

Please keep her in your prayers and thoughts on November 1st! I can't wait to see how things go! I know she will be even more gorgeous than she is now! Maybe we can even go shopping together sometime! haha (I have to find her a new purse!!) jk... LOVE YOU PATTI!


October 1st thru October 10th

Oct 11, 2006

NOTE: PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH MY PROFILE AS I CONVERT IT OVER TO BETA VERSION. THE BLOGS MAY NOT BE IN EXACT ORDER BUT JUST FIDDLE AROUND. FUTURE ONES WILL BE CORRECT. THANKS!!

October 1, 2006
HAPPY OCTOBER!! lol Okay well I met this awesome woman on one of the boards and she lives in the area which is super cool and she offered to be my ANGEL! Her name is Stephany Noel and she seems so super sweet. She is 36 and has 3 children. She is getting her surgery with Dr. John Kelly who Ive heard is amazing. She is shooting for a date in November! Im so excited for her. She is already gorgeous so I know that she will love her long term results and be even more gorgeous. On other news I ordered two free samples of a protien drink thats supposed to be amazing. I think its at www.healthfitnesschannel.com but Im not positive. Everyone swears that the chocolate tastes like a wendys frosty- not too bad! Im making a list of questions to ask the surgeon when I finally meet with him. The other cool thing is that my mom is thinking about going into the bariatric program and maybe getting surgery. I think that would be awesome. Okay well Im gonna go hit the boards again. BYE EVERYONE!

LATER- I got an email from this lady Marisol who has been in my bariatric program and she attended the behavior groups with me last year. She was scheduled for surgery but found out that she was pregnant at her pre-op testing. Now she delivered and is preparing for surgery again. But I found out that once she finished the group and lost her % she went and called the surgeon's office directly instead of waiting for the team approval and scheduled an appointment. So she ended up getting her surgery much faster. I think that's what Im going to do!! She also told me it only takes about a month- meaning I could actually be getting surgery in December like I wanted!! How cool is that? We'll seeeee. Im going to go walking with Buffy- a woman in my behavior group, tomorrow. Gotta get off my ass!!!



October 2, 2006
Okay well Im in school now, sitting here oh so freakin bored. Maybe I'll go for a walk or something in a bit. I have another hour until class. Ive just been sitting here looking over profiles and stuff. I think Ive read like every freakin profile on here. Im a junkie. I got up at 6:40am and got on the tredmill today. Walked for 15 mins then showered, got dressed, ate breakfast, and went to class for 8:30. Thats a little physical activity. Im looking out the window now and thinking that I just might go take a quick walk around campus before my next class. Its COLD though. Oh well. I go to the nutritionist to be weighed on wednesday. I know I didnt do as well as I could have this week. I didnt CHEAT but I just have to stick to program better. And usually Im constantly drinking something but Ive noticed this week Im just never thirsty anymore. By now (10:30) I would have usually drank at least two bottles of water. But I had like 1/2 a bottle at breakfast and not even 1/2 at school. Hmmm. Gotta start drinking more, it helps. This kid is eating a sub across from me right now and it looks so good. I brought some chocolate graham cracker twists from JC so I think I'll just eat those. I may call Buffy after school and go walk somewhere with her. Depends on how I feel. Okie dokie well Im gonna go take a walk now, I'll make it an adventure. (maybe) LATER!! xo

LATER- I did get my ass up and went for a walk. It was kind of refreshing. I might just have to do that everyday that I have a long break. Then I even did one thing extra- I WALKED HOME FROM SCHOOL! So I walked about 45mins today, GO ME! ::does a little dance::

=)

A Return To Love
Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.



October 4, 2006
Okayyy so I got a weigh in today and lost one pound I think. Then I went to my behavior group and it was great. This girl inspired me to start really getting off my ass and keeping track. So tonight after dinner I took my dog for a walk and I went 2215 steps. Average 2000 steps is about 1 mile. So thats great! Im going to start using the pedometer everyday, ALL day and seeing what I average. I think I will americaonthemove.org to keep track and set goals every day. People in the group tonight who have already had surgery say they walk about 10 miles a day, WOW. I don't know if thats all their steps or they GO for a 10 mile walk. hmmm. But it was really inspiring tonight. I also found out that I do have a CHANCE of being approved this month. I need to lose 7 more lbs and have Laura (my nutritionist) think that Im ready. So Im starting a food/exercise log tomorrow morning and Im calling for a therapy appointment and Im keeping track of EVERYTHING- no extra bites anywhere. I need to be on my bestest behavior and jumpstart my metabolism. If I lose 10lbs this month I'll be really excited. Well I set a long term goal for myself if I don't get surgery between now and the rest of the year. By January 1st if I have not had surgery I want to lose 25lbs, so that equals 1.97lbs a week for the next 12 weeks and 5 days. PERFECT. Thats a 10% weightloss from the weight my nutritionist has recorded. Then I have to be freakin approved- cmon now! If Im not having surgery by then Im saying BYE BYE and HELLO to Dr. Kelly at UMASS!

How to make a Angela
Ingredients:

1 part jealousy

3 parts courage

3 parts beauty
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com




October 5, 2006
Well its pretty early for me, 9am. haha I got up and called Prescott Health Care to see if they had any councelors available to take a new patient- because that's what Dr. Bourne reccommended. I had to leave a message with intake and Im waiting for a call back. The lady wasn't in so Im sure she doesnt arrive until after 9. I hope they have something available. If not I will schedule an appointment with Dr. Bourne and see what else she wants me to do. I have to work REALLY hard the next couple of weeks to please these doctors because nobody knows how ready I am except myself and I really need to show them so I can get approved!! Ohhhhhh Mannnnnn.

Called Prescott Health Care again at 2:30 because I haven't heard back from them. I knew this wasnt going to be an easy process. Ughhh. I had to leave yet another message. And I bet they wont call me back.

Okay its 9pm now and I did not hear back from Prescott and I called another woman and I haven't heard back from her either. This blows! The good news is that I weighed again today and I am actually down TWO pounds from last week, not 1. YAY! Okay well Im so anxious to lose this weight, Im going to freak if it doesnt keep coming off. Yea- Im going for a walk! LATERRRR

9:24pm- 3,797 steps! GOODNIGHTIE!



October 6, 2006
Well I realized that all I need is a little bit of freakin PATIENCE and things will fall into place. When I got home today I had a call from Prescott Healthcare and I called back and boom, got an appointment for Oct 12th at 3:45 with a woman named Nancy Gill. And the secretary also told me that she has experience with people losing a lot of weight and/or weight loss surgery. So thats perfect. See me going there doesnt decide whether I get approved or not it just helps my chances since the behavior specialist in my program who does decide whether I get approved or not reccomended it. Yea so thats just another plus. I also walked home from school today so that was like 2024 steps. Okay well Im FREEEZING right now so I'll write more later!

LATER Okay so my OH buddy Lauren gave me a bad review about Nancy, the counselor I have to see next week. That scares me! Eek. But its different for everyone so Im just hoping that things go well. I'll have to keep an open mind because I can be really picky with people. I just really don't want to talk about my depression from middle school, that was soooo long ago but everyone wants to ask about it and talk so much about it, Im like 100% different now. Whateverrr.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO READS MY PROFILE!!! E-MAIL ME, I ALWAYS NEED MORE FRIENDS! Anddd I'm thinking about joining TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) it's only $24 a year...who wants to join with me??

UPDATE AGAIN- Okay so for the last two hours or so Ive been researching surgeon Sheila Partridge out of Newton Wellseley Hospital...she seems to be pretty amazing at what she does and her program seems to be super easy. Im attending the new patients appointment at the end of the month and then I get to meet with her for a consult. Im hoping that I can get a copy of the weights that nutrition have for me and that Jenny Craig have for me and bring them along. I've done so much work in the Fallon program and I really want them to see that. My Jenny Craig Consultant reccomended them to me because she had surgery with Dr. Thayer 3 years ago. I know she will do anything to help me get everything in order. It is farther away but I feel really comfortable with that hospital and also have a woman surgeon seems kind of cool to me. I mean Dr. Arcand seems great but only 4 people have written reviews on him on this site and I've been uneasy about so many things. Im hoping that I can just get a consult with a surgeon from the NWH program and explain to them all that I've been doing and they will take it all. I read another woman's profile who had surgery there and it was exactly one year ago now that she called, got a consult for Nov 1st and had surgery around Dec 5th. That would be great. But even if it is a longer wait- if I feel more comfortable with the doctors and program doesn't that make all the difference? Dr. Bourne (behaviorist) is wonderful but we don't connect and to think that she is the person I'll have to have follow up with for a long while...its just strange. But the people in my group are wonderful and I hope I can still attend those meeting even though I don't see why not because people who haven't had surgery (and don't want it) still go. Im just researching my options. For so long I've just taken what has been given to me, and I haven't questioned things. I wasn't aware that their were other programs out there that I could attend. I need to be more proactive seeing as how this is my life. I just want to know whats available to me and who offers the best care. Ive also sent away for information from other places and surgeons- MAN I don't know what I'm going to do AFTER surgery because haha ALL I do now is research. But I guess thats good because I will be a very well informed patient and after surgery I will know what to expect and how to take care of myself. I just can't wait to RUN RUN RUN. That's my goal for surgery, I wan't to run like the wind. =)

October 7, 2006
Hi all! Well today my cousin Jessica had a house warming party. Most of the family came. It was fun and good to be out of the house. I told most of my family about WLS and they were all positive about it- not like SUPPORTIVE but nobody had any bad comments- my uncle had a few questions about the long term success rate and thats it. They all think its a good idea. Thats cool- extra flowers and balloons in the hospital!! haha But yea I didnt eat much junk at all- I had a little rice with salsa and a small bowl of chili- then some desert my grams made but it consisted of mostly sugar-free pudding. Not too shabby. I do admitt that I have ONE chip with oinion dip- PSHHH who said you can't just have one? I DID! =) The rest of the time I just sipped my diet soda and water. Didn't even take anything from the huge bowl of starbursts next to me. Not too shabby. The only thing is that I didn't exercise today- so I'll have to get on the ball tomorrow. I also found a good gym, not pricey- which is great. I was bummed to find out that the NWH program charges a $550 fee out-of-pocket for their program. I'm just going to work my program- if I don't make it this month then I will next month. I really hope my wonderful friend Lauren comes to Fallon Clinic. That way I could really help her out and we'd be going to the same groups eventually! That'd be sooo cool. But its up to her and I just really really want her to get things done- no matter where she chooses to go. I also got my book today: The Real Skinny on Weight Loss Surgery and it is really good. I already read half of it tonight. I started a notebook of drawings and info to show my "team"...maybe it'll help them realize that I know what the hell Im getting myself into. I added lots of cool information. I'll work on it more tomorrow and eventually I'll add my exercise and daily food log. COOL COOL. ((Hugs))



October 8, 2006
I just watched The Lakehouse with my mom. Oh man I love Sandra Bullock and I really loved that movie. I want a love story and a fairytale. I guess I'll have to create my own. I deserve it.

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."



October 10, 2006
Omg I just busted my ass on the tredmill. Well I only did 15mins but I was like running. My calfs are burning so bad right now but it kind of feels good. I'll do another 15 later. Today is my lazy day- I didn't go to school and I just sat around. Pathetic. But at least I got on the tredmill. Jenny Craig is thursday and nutrition is the 19th! We shall see! My mom told me today that I looked like I was shrinking but I don't know if she just said that to motivate me or if she really meant it. My mom is a geek like that. Okay well phone is ringing! CYA <3


Lots of entries in one!

Oct 11, 2006

September 20, 2006
POOP! I just got back from the nutritionist. She rounds everything so I dont know exactly but I think I lost about 2lbs from last week. I guess I got my wish. Ill figure out the exact number tomorrow at JC. Im kinda bummed. Thats what happens when one week you lose 9.4 and the next not so much. But I have to be realistic- If I could lose that much every week then I wouldnt need surgery! The only good thing about my weight is that Ive never been able to weigh myself on a bathroom scale for as long as I can remember so Im not a slave to the scale and even after surgery- Im not sure if I will be because Ive never had any trust in them. Ill just get weighed at my follow up appointments and be super surpised every time! Its not fun when your kicking around the same 1-2lbs and you check every couple hours. Anyways so Sue, the secretary said I was down 7lbs total since the weight they have for me (because I GAINED a lot too) so that means that I have 11lbs to lose. So actually I think I only lost ONE pound this week. Oh well I messed up a bit during the weekend THEN got my period, go figure- the first time in WAYYYY over a year, pshhh. All I care about is that I bought a pair of pants a few months ago and I couldnt wear them because they were really tight and today I wore them to school piece of cake. They were kind of lose! So those inches count too! Besides, never mind what the scale says- Im PROUD of myself. Thats what matters the most, right? Ive began to change the way I think and how my mind works. Im not sitting here obsessing over food and chowing down completely. I eat my 3 JC meals and two snacks, thats it. BIG DIFFERENCE. So 11lbs...not too scary. I made another appointment for an "official" weigh in on October 4th at 2pm. Thats exactly two weeks away. How good can I be for two weeks? Hmmmm Well I go to JC every thursday anyways so MAYBEEE, just maybeeeee in two weeks I will lose 11lbs- im bloated so maybe Im carrying around tons of water lol. BUt anyways Ill bump up the physical activity this week and we'll see. 11lbs is perfect because I signed up with JC for 20lbs and 9 are already gone. I just dont wanna hit goal and leave JC and gain again. But I shall figure it all out. PRAY FOR MEEE! xoxo



September 23, 2006
Well its 4:30am and I cant sleep because I fell asleep so early tonight and now I woke up and cant fall back to sleep. I have the strangest dreams. But anywho- I recieved the nicest emails from some ladies on here, just wanted to say how much I appreciate them. Its strange tho- some girls email me and then I email them back and never hear from them again- maybe Im a dork and it took them a while to figure it out. lol Okay let me change the subject becuase I didnt want to make a post and just ramble...but it is 4:30am. So thursday my mom got a walking cast on so we decieded to go out to eat (plus I was already pissed off that JC didnt have the dinner I wanted) so we went to my favorite restaurant, pub 99. I got a chicken salad- I was stuffed! Then I made the decision that my first 11lbs came off way too easy and I just know the next are gonna give me a hard time so this lazy business just doesnt cut it anymore. So yesterday before school I woke up at 6:30am and put my ass on the tredmill. It felt great. (after, not during.) Then I ate my JC breakfast and got ready and went to school. I was out all day- then came home and relaxed and then went shopping at BJ's for an hour and a half- oh man walking around AND pushing a freakin 100lb carraige, that had to have burned some extra calories. So that was my physical activity for the day- not too shabby. This weekend I'll pick 1 day to do the tredmill again- I'll do it 5 days a week. I think Ill like the mondays, wednesdays, and fridays before school- it gets me pumped so I dont pass out in my 8:30 psych lecture. Okie dokie now lets see if I stick to it because I HAVE TO!! 1 day down, 4 more to go.

LATER- Noon time, Im bored and cranky! I want out of this house. But its raining so I cant go apple picking like I planned- and I dont have any friends to do anything with. I wish there was something to do. Oh yea- but Im broke too. This will be a GREAT day...All I want to do is eat. Lets hope something comes along...

EVEN LATER- OMG wow. I just did something that Ive never done before. I felt like SHIT, as you know from reading my last post- but instead of sulking and waiting for someone else to come and cheer me up- I just got changed and went on the tredmill for a bit. I jammed out to Nickleback, awesome. And now I feel much better. Not 100% but definitely a lot better. Its lunch time too but I havent had enough fruit today so Im gonna eat a grapefruit and maybe a yogurt and watch a movie and then have some lunch later. Wow endorphins! Okay bye gals :)



September 25, 2006
Well today was my behavior group and I had a good time. I love those ladies. I was really frustrated in my last group because even though I liked them, I felt like I couldnt really relate to a lot of what they said. Maybe I was just in a different place. But now- oh man I feel for them and when someone cries, I want to cry. Ive been in all the situations they have been in. Its amazing how so many people struggle with the same issues but still feel so alone. I told them all about this site and I hope they check it out. Each and every one of them inspire me. I feel like Im in a great place right now and that I will definitely succeed with this surgery because I have such an awesome support system. We all have so many frustrations but we are all here for each other. Sometimes I dont understand why Im 19- I cant talk to anyone my age. Whatever though- me and the boyfriend are doing good. He is getting over his cold and being much more pleasant. I miss him- cant wait to see him again. IM DYINGGG to go out with him. I go to JC thursday...idk I started my period and I feel bloated and gross so you never know, Im just dying to be approved. You know after that group Im not even focused on a timeline anymore- it will happen when it is meant to happen. But I canttt wait! Im just not going to stress myself out over meeting goal by a certain day or week. Im going to just keep doing well and steadily lose and not gain and not be miserable. My time will come. Ive been at this for too long to have it never happen, it will. XOXO



September 28, 2006
Wow people really piss me off. So this lady calls my house and my mom answers and I didnt wanna come to the phone cuz I just woke up so she tells my mom I have another group next wednesday and my mom says "yea I think she already knew about that" and the lady says "well how could she, your just getting a phone call now!" Oh man- yea ummm maybe because two freakin days about we had a group with the person who RUNS the freaking group and Ive been going for like 8 weeks already. Dumbasses. Yea but its only 10am and I still have class at 1 and JC at 6 so Ill update later and tell you my weight loss/gain! LATER GATOR!

Later: Just got back from JC...lost 3lbs. I need to lose 8 more lbs before I can get approved for surgery. Thats not too bad. I meet with Laura, my nutritionist on October 19th, we'll see where I am then- thats about a month- 2lbs a week. Cool Cool. We'll Im gonna go and watch the premiere of Ugly Betty, tata!



September 30, 2006
Hey all. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read my profile! Man its been a boring weekend so far but I just have to remember how much I look forward to these when Im in the middle of a hectic school week. Ive realized though that I need a freakin HOBBY!! Something to do or more friends or something. My boyfriend lives 4hrs away and my mom is boring me. She has been out of work for several months now and I think we've spend too much time together! All I do is sit on this counch either online or watching TV. Blah. If I was out more I wouldnt always want to eat! I need to think of something. School takes up most of my time during the week but its around 3-6 that kills me eating wise. If I could find something to do between those hours Id be better off. Hmmm. Ill figure it out- any suggestions though? EIGHT MORE POUNDS!!!


About Me
Worcester, MA
Location
40.7
BMI
RNY
Surgery
01/17/2007
Surgery Date
Sep 15, 2006
Member Since

Friends 129

Latest Blog 155
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