Angela M.
10 more days!
Jan 06, 2007
I already posted today but as surgery approaches and I have ample time to think and rethink I decided something important:
I kept thinking about all the people that rejected me or just havent treated me like I should be treated in the past and how I couldnt wait for them to see me when Im thin and damn gorgeous (cus I know I will be)..but honestly I dont even care about them anymore. Im not giving them that kind of power over me. Especially because what happens if they are generally just jerks and still treat me like shit? I dont want to feel like my success wasnt that great because they dont like me. So Im not focusing on them at all- Im planning on meeting all new people and making tons of new friends (good friends) and just starting my new life NEW. If they come across me and feel like idiots then well that will be an added bonus but Im not going to look for their approval to gratify myself. I know that Im an amazing person with a kick ass personality, killer looks, and a massive amount of brains...if you dont like me then thats your loss! The only people that don't like me I just figure are jealous of me! =)
192 hours left until the season premier of 24!!!
I kept thinking about all the people that rejected me or just havent treated me like I should be treated in the past and how I couldnt wait for them to see me when Im thin and damn gorgeous (cus I know I will be)..but honestly I dont even care about them anymore. Im not giving them that kind of power over me. Especially because what happens if they are generally just jerks and still treat me like shit? I dont want to feel like my success wasnt that great because they dont like me. So Im not focusing on them at all- Im planning on meeting all new people and making tons of new friends (good friends) and just starting my new life NEW. If they come across me and feel like idiots then well that will be an added bonus but Im not going to look for their approval to gratify myself. I know that Im an amazing person with a kick ass personality, killer looks, and a massive amount of brains...if you dont like me then thats your loss! The only people that don't like me I just figure are jealous of me! =)
192 hours left until the season premier of 24!!!
Things are looking up!
Jan 06, 2007
Well I'm in such a better mood then I was in my last post. But not much has changed really. Maybe I just got some more sleep or something. Well actually let truth be told, the scale started moving downwards. Im telling you, these weigh-ins with Sue really really bother me, maybe its just because I dont like her one bit. But whatever it is 12:40am so it is technically the 7th and that means that surgery is only 10 days away. Wow I figured time would be creeping by but in reality its not at all. Granted I wish it was tomorrow but oh well at least I have a date. There are so many other poor people still fighting for insurance approval and stuff who dont have a date yet. I cant complain. Tomorrow I dont really have much to do at all...Monday I am babysitting for Alyssa (at least I think I still am, havent talked to Lauren yet), Tuesday I have to bring Brandie-Lynn to the vet because she has this huge lump at the top of her incision line- I was thinking it was an abcess or something but its not warm or red and usually infections are warm so I have no idea but hopefully its not something that requires any more surgery!...wednesday is my dreaded appointment with Sue LaBelle (secretary on a power trip) in nutrition to get weighed, and so far I dont have any more plans for the rest of the week. Maybe I'll do some shopping and stock up on some low-fat soups, yogurt, cottage cheese, and popscicles. I know that this weekend I have to clean my entire room, put my heated mattress pad on the bed, do all my laundry, and put aside the things I want to take to the hospital. Im also going to wash and straighten my hair so its not a total disaster in the hospital. Monday is my last appointment with the anesthesiologist and Im sure I'll be somewhat celebrating tuesday then surgery is wednesday! Yippeeee. I cant wait to start losing some freaking weight. If you guys only knew what I've been doing to myself this past week just to maintain. Tonight I was asking my mom the stupidest questions like "is my head going to shrink?" She thinks Im a weirdo but she is really excited for me. She is making another attempt at Weight Watchers because she cant afford to take more time off from work to have surgery right now but so far she is doing really well. And since I'll be eating practically nothing after surgery I think she has a fighting chance of really sticking with things this time. I will be super proud of her. We all need to get healthy together. Speaking of that- my brother is in for a rude awakening because right now all he eats is fast food but if I cant eat that crap and my mom cant either, he isnt always gonna get take out on his own so he will be forced to start making some healthier choices. That should be really good for my family. Maybe even in the spring we will start going out and doing more active things as a family. Me personally, I cant wait for spring so I can start roller skating or roller blading. Lauren's ass will probably be prego by then so she wont wanna do anything with me haha but hey walking is good for pregnant women so maybe we can do that together. Actually now that I think of it I think she said she would join Curves with me because she went before and really liked it. My mom is considering buying a Bowflex machine and we already have a tredmill so I'll have my own personal gym. Speaking about working out- I have been doing the tredmill this week because I figured it would help out my recovery. Today I worked twice as hard and it felt really good. I start out slow because Im not used to physical activity but my iPod really helps me get into it. I just wish I had a stationary bike. If anyone has one sitting in their basement/attic that they are not using LET ME KNOW!! ::wink:: Lastly I forgot to write this the other day but I finally got my school plans taken care of. I ended up dropping all three of my classes and just keeping the online class. I even went ahead and bought the book early just so I have everything set for surgery. The first day of school is tuesday so I hope I dont miss anything while in the hospital! Okay well I've been typing for at least 15 minutes and I dont have much else to say so I'll check you guys laterrrr! xO <3
My Rants
Jan 04, 2007
I've come to update my journal, its been almost a week since my last post and thats strange for me. I've come here every single day, many times but have been at a loss of what to write. I still have no idea. Lets just do a brief recap- spent new years eve with Lauren and her friends, ate entirely too much, did some other "things" that I shouldnt have done that we will not speak of. Anddd I felt like shit ever since. I havent left the house, Ive been sulking and depressed. Not about surgery, not about a boy, not about anything really. Well scratch that- I gained TWELVE POUNDS since my last weigh-in. That is an all time high and Im depressed like no tomorrow. EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE (including my mom) has told me "OMG you look so much thinner, how much have you lost?" And I just laugh at them. Are you kidding me? I think the world gets too much fun out of playing sick jokes on me. Lost weight, haha...try BALOONED UP! So I havent even been eating that much since I hoped on the scale the other day. Yesterday I had a turkey sandwich and a piece of steak. Today I had a vita-muffin (Im soooo gonna miss those little chocolate suckers, pshh and Lauren said EWW! What a freaaaak!), and a few tostitos with some chili. I also used magnesium citrate today, wow first time I ever admitted that on here and Ive used it like 4 times...and I felt like I was going to DIE but I feel much better now. All the chinese I ate on new years eve just wasnt coming out and I felt SOOO bloated, yuck. TMI sorry. So the scale an hour ago (with my big sweatshirt on) said that I have 7 more pounds to go (prolly 5 really) over the next 6 days. Thats so possible if you know what I've done in the past. I have no plans tomorrow. Maybe I'll go to Laurens. I have no plans all weekend, my mom is working. Monday I am babysitting for Alyssa but only for a few hours. After that Im eating birthday cake, no not a whole cake. Thats the last food Im saying goodbye to. My birthday is like 4 months after surgery so Im eating my cake now, then ON my birthday I'll say f*ck it I already had cake, pass me some cottage cheese. No really, I will- and Im printing this out and hanging it to the damn fridge for proof, plus Lauren wont let me forget. Next agenda huh? Everyone keeps asking me if Im excited since surgery is only 12 days, 1 hour, 20 mins away...(but who's counting?) But truth be told, I am not. Well its not that Im not excited about surgery, its just that Im not excited about ANYTHING, why? Because Sue is a bitch and is making me get weighed wednesday when I already have to get weighed the 15th AND the 17th. UGH, pressure! I just hate anything that isnt the norm, meaning all appointments- or anything that requires me leaving my house. Im hoping that my anxiety will improve after surgery because Lauren swears its weight related. I guess she has the same issue. Note to self: talk to Dr. Bourne about anxiety. What else? Hmmm....IM AFRAID OF THE HOSPITAL STAY!!! My mom has a job again so she wont be with me 24/7 and Lauren has a small child sooo Im gonna be alone, watching tv, and pumping myself with morphine. GREATTT. Im a big baby. Oh well I dont care, Im just so damn grumpy. So tomorrow is 10 days away from my final pre-op appointment...cant wait for that to be done. The 14th and 15th are gonna be awesome shows on tv, cant wait. I have old friends coming back in my life and newer friends leaving me abandoned. I hate people, I like REALLY hate people and Lauren just cant seem to understand that. Speaking of hating people lets get on the subject of how some people think WLS is the easy way out? Yeah okay on that note I'll be RIGHT back....Okay back and I found what I was looking for. Im ending with this and hopefully it wont be another week until my dumbass updates!
The Top Ten Reasons why Weight Loss Surgery is NOT “the easy way out”:
10. It's very expensive. Many health insurance companies don't pay for the surgery, and even when they do, co-payments and other costs add up quickly. Also, it can become very costly to constantly replenish wardrobes as the weight comes off.
9. Recovery can be very painful. Besides the pain from the surgery wound, patients may experience nausea or severe gastric distress. Patients with sleep apnea may become sleep-deprived, with all of the associated adverse affects, when they must discontinue use of their CPAP machines to avoid disturbing the staples creating their tiny new stomach pouch.
8. Recuperation can take a long time. Patients may be “out of commission” and absent from work for a prolonged period of recovery time. In some cases, patients may not be able to return to work or normal pursuits for up to 10 – 12 weeks.
7. It's hard work and a major time commitment. For optimal results, patients should engage in aerobic exercise for up to an hour daily. For bodies unaccustomed to vigorous exercise, this can be very hard. It's also a real challenge for WLS patients to learn all they must about nutrition so they can assure that their food and vitamins are sustaining their body. Finally, it can be exhausting to consciously, carefully and painstakingly chew every bit of food that enters your mouth.
6. Vomiting isn't fun. Nor is diarrhea. It may take patients many months (and frequent episodes of vomiting or diarrhea) to identify incompatible foods and to learn the practical limits of their newly reduced stomachs or digestive systems.
5. It takes extraordinary courage to consciously limit food choices for the rest of your life (and potentially limit social opportunities built around meals). For many patients, life after WLS means treating food as a fuel, not as a source of drama, excitement, comfort or a central life focus: i.e. eating to live rather than living to eat. While some procedures may be reversible, for most patients WLS is a lifetime commitment, requiring a lifetime of major lifestyle changes.
4. Weight loss surgery can be dangerous. As many as .5% of surgery patients may die from the procedure, and up to 5% may experience debilitating medical complications (especially if they listen to their peers' advice more carefully than their doctor's.)
3. It takes great bravery and strength to deflect other people's judgments and society's myths about obesity. Fat people are often blamed and shamed by family and friends with simplistic advice, unrealistic solutions, and uninformed prejudices. Whether it's for genetic or metabolic reasons, diet and exercise, willpower and discipline have never, by themselves, been enough. Our appetite regulators simply don't work. Without WLS, we don't know when we're full!
2. What gives anyone the right to judge which path is right for another? Is a person who runs a 10K taking a “better” or “tougher” route to wellness than the person who walks vigorously every day? Is working with weights better than water aerobics? Different strokes for different folks. Each of us finds our own right way, and how dare others judge our path to health and longevity! By their reckoning, the most courageous thing would be for us to suck it up and die young.
1. For many morbidly obese people, WLS may be the ONLY realistic alternative for achieving a long, healthy life. The newest research provides irrefutable evidence that body weight is largely a function of genes — just like height or a family propensity for cancer. These genes help regulate appetite and metabolism. People prone to obesity seem to gain excessive weight easily, while finding it difficult or impossible to lose it. That's why diets almost always fail and why WLS is currently the only viable weight loss option for many morbidly obese people, according to endocrinologist David Cummings of the Veterans Affairs Puget Sound Health Care System. Most people can lose no more than 5-10% off their "natural" body weight by exercising and eating wisely. Decades of diet studies show that more than 90% of people who lose weight by dieting gain it all back within 5 years. "There are exceptions, but when you are speaking of general rules, the only people who are able to lose more than 10 percent of their body weight and keep it off are people who have had gastric-bypass or other bariatric surgery.
The Top Ten Reasons why Weight Loss Surgery is NOT “the easy way out”:
10. It's very expensive. Many health insurance companies don't pay for the surgery, and even when they do, co-payments and other costs add up quickly. Also, it can become very costly to constantly replenish wardrobes as the weight comes off.
9. Recovery can be very painful. Besides the pain from the surgery wound, patients may experience nausea or severe gastric distress. Patients with sleep apnea may become sleep-deprived, with all of the associated adverse affects, when they must discontinue use of their CPAP machines to avoid disturbing the staples creating their tiny new stomach pouch.
8. Recuperation can take a long time. Patients may be “out of commission” and absent from work for a prolonged period of recovery time. In some cases, patients may not be able to return to work or normal pursuits for up to 10 – 12 weeks.
7. It's hard work and a major time commitment. For optimal results, patients should engage in aerobic exercise for up to an hour daily. For bodies unaccustomed to vigorous exercise, this can be very hard. It's also a real challenge for WLS patients to learn all they must about nutrition so they can assure that their food and vitamins are sustaining their body. Finally, it can be exhausting to consciously, carefully and painstakingly chew every bit of food that enters your mouth.
6. Vomiting isn't fun. Nor is diarrhea. It may take patients many months (and frequent episodes of vomiting or diarrhea) to identify incompatible foods and to learn the practical limits of their newly reduced stomachs or digestive systems.
5. It takes extraordinary courage to consciously limit food choices for the rest of your life (and potentially limit social opportunities built around meals). For many patients, life after WLS means treating food as a fuel, not as a source of drama, excitement, comfort or a central life focus: i.e. eating to live rather than living to eat. While some procedures may be reversible, for most patients WLS is a lifetime commitment, requiring a lifetime of major lifestyle changes.
4. Weight loss surgery can be dangerous. As many as .5% of surgery patients may die from the procedure, and up to 5% may experience debilitating medical complications (especially if they listen to their peers' advice more carefully than their doctor's.)
3. It takes great bravery and strength to deflect other people's judgments and society's myths about obesity. Fat people are often blamed and shamed by family and friends with simplistic advice, unrealistic solutions, and uninformed prejudices. Whether it's for genetic or metabolic reasons, diet and exercise, willpower and discipline have never, by themselves, been enough. Our appetite regulators simply don't work. Without WLS, we don't know when we're full!
2. What gives anyone the right to judge which path is right for another? Is a person who runs a 10K taking a “better” or “tougher” route to wellness than the person who walks vigorously every day? Is working with weights better than water aerobics? Different strokes for different folks. Each of us finds our own right way, and how dare others judge our path to health and longevity! By their reckoning, the most courageous thing would be for us to suck it up and die young.
1. For many morbidly obese people, WLS may be the ONLY realistic alternative for achieving a long, healthy life. The newest research provides irrefutable evidence that body weight is largely a function of genes — just like height or a family propensity for cancer. These genes help regulate appetite and metabolism. People prone to obesity seem to gain excessive weight easily, while finding it difficult or impossible to lose it. That's why diets almost always fail and why WLS is currently the only viable weight loss option for many morbidly obese people, according to endocrinologist David Cummings of the Veterans Affairs Puget Sound Health Care System. Most people can lose no more than 5-10% off their "natural" body weight by exercising and eating wisely. Decades of diet studies show that more than 90% of people who lose weight by dieting gain it all back within 5 years. "There are exceptions, but when you are speaking of general rules, the only people who are able to lose more than 10 percent of their body weight and keep it off are people who have had gastric-bypass or other bariatric surgery.
Scroll down: 18 days until Surgery!!
Dec 29, 2006
I cant sleep even though Im more than exhausted, buy hey at least its only 2am instead of 4am like my usual posts. I had my pre-op testing done today and it was a breeze compared to some posts that I read on here by other people, sorry guys! I just went in and they told me how it would be from the day before surgery, to registering, to recovery. Nothing I didnt already know...then I got my blood pressure take and told them what meds I was on. Then the nurse practitioner (who I didnt care for) took my blood pressure again, asked me all the routine health history questions, checked my heart beat, looked in my ears and throat, checked my reflexes...then sent me across the hall. The next lady just drew two tubes of blood (and she was so nice but she needs to seriously consider changing her job because she killed me and I never have trouble getting blood drawn) and then she did a EKG right there in the office that took all of about 2 minutes. Then I got dressed and was out, I was there for like an hour. On the 15th I go and register at the hospital, get blood drawn to keep my blood type on file, then meet with the anesthesiologist for a quick meeting. Thats it. It was a breeze and I was all worried, pshh. Lets see now what else? Oh yea this school thing has really been bothering me. My surgery is scheduled for the day after my first day of school. Im torn on whether or not I should go back. Half on the people tell me I can do it and the other half tell me no way in hell. Im considering so many options. My newest one is to drop two classes and just keep two so that way I have something to occupy my time and I'll still graduate at some point in my life. One of the classes that I'd keep is on online class and the other is two days a week for 1 hour. That seems very reasonable. And I heard that the professor is really awesome so it shouldnt be too hard. Im just worried about having absolutely nothing to do and going stir crazy, I like school and Im lost without it. At least with two classes I wont be stressed out but I can keep my mind occupied. And I have a while to withdraw if I cant handle it. Im going to run it by my mom tomorrow and see what she thinks. I think its a good comprimise because then in the two summer sessions I only have to take one class each session to catch up instead of two. I'll have to figure it out... But I really do need to sleep, me and my mom are leaving for Boston at noon tomorrow (well, today) to go see the Rocketts! My grams said its boring but oh well it will occupy me for another day since I cant stop counting down. And I decided Jan 1st my liquid diet starts, that way I'll drop more weight and also there DEFINITELY wont be any junk squirting out of my intestines when he cuts them open. My goal is to lose 20lbs between now and surgery. Okay so now that I put that into writing maybe it will happen. We shall see! Nightie lovesss <3.
I cant break this cycle!
Dec 27, 2006
Im still awake, WTF! Ughhh. Okay well no news about Andrew but I have been talking to my cousins Erin and Josh a lot and just keeping them sane as best as I can. I have so many WLS related thoughts but I feel bad focusing on that right now. Oh well I'll just post this from a board just to keep track of it...
How to Break a Plateau
#1 Do this for 10 days to break a plateau
#2 Drink 2 quarts of water a day
#3 You must have 45 grams of protein supplement and all your vitamins/minerals supplements each day
#4 You may consume up to 3oz of the following protein foods 5x a day: beef, pork, chicken, turkey, lamb, fish, eggs, low fat cheese cottage cheese, plain or artificially sweetened yogurt peanut butter, beans/legumes You may also have: sugar free popsicles, s/f jello, broths/bullion, coffe/tea s/f soda, crystal light drinks
#5 IF IT IS NOT ON THE LIST, you can't have it for 10 days!!!!
#6 Keep a food diary & try to get up to 30 min. of exercise daily I got this Plateau Breaking Plan from Princess Splenda's profile
How to Break a Plateau
#1 Do this for 10 days to break a plateau
#2 Drink 2 quarts of water a day
#3 You must have 45 grams of protein supplement and all your vitamins/minerals supplements each day
#4 You may consume up to 3oz of the following protein foods 5x a day: beef, pork, chicken, turkey, lamb, fish, eggs, low fat cheese cottage cheese, plain or artificially sweetened yogurt peanut butter, beans/legumes You may also have: sugar free popsicles, s/f jello, broths/bullion, coffe/tea s/f soda, crystal light drinks
#5 IF IT IS NOT ON THE LIST, you can't have it for 10 days!!!!
#6 Keep a food diary & try to get up to 30 min. of exercise daily I got this Plateau Breaking Plan from Princess Splenda's profile
Not Good
Dec 27, 2006
My whole family is here right now. They are taking a break from being at the hospital and trying to eat something. Andrew spiked a 104 fever and it wont go down. His lungs collapsed and they just inserted a chest tube. Everything keeps getting worse. Please pray for us.
Nothing good ever lasts!
Dec 26, 2006
Okay well Im going to start this off my saying that my cheery holiday mood was short lived. Its completely gone, dead. I cant wait for everyone else to just realize that christmas is OVER and get back to regular life and routine. It seems like christmas is dragging on and Im going to have to suffer through everyones sick joke of the 12 days of christmas. December go away already. Two reasons for my sour mood:
My family has never really experienced tragedy before, and Im hoping I can still say that going into the new year. My cousin Andrew who is a year older than me had a bad accident and is currently undergoing massive brain surgery. Christmas night his twin brother Nick found him in bed and it seemed as if he was really drunk. My aunt and uncle knew something was wrong so they rushed him to the hospital. It was immediately found that he had broken ribs (the least of his problems), a fractured skull, and just had a stroke. They opened his skull to relieve the pressure from the swelling but it hasn't help and he just had surgery, which hasn't been so successful yet so they are leaving the skull open and doing another procedure tomorrow. My family is devestated. I dont know the whole story about how this happend but what Ive gotten so far through the grapevine is that his gf (who has previously caused many problems) pushed him out of a moving car...then brought him home and put him to bed in an empty house. Can you believe that?!? Oh well I'll think about that later, I just hope that he pulls through, is no longer paralyzed, and regains full speech. Please keep him and his parents in your prayers.
Next (and I feel so selfish following with this)- I'M SO FUCKING FAT!! I've eaten revolting amounts of food over the past two days and its absolutely DISGUSTING. I've gained massive amounts and I cant even bring myself to write the number- lets just say that if Dr. Arcand weighed me right now he would immediately cancel my surgery and revoke my approval. I don't know how its humanly possible to gain so much weight in two weeks. I have not been hungry in three days and I've eaten so much that I've had a constant stomach ache. I also havent moved. Other than seeing my family I have been laying in bed. I feel like my stomach is literally going to explode at any second and I haven't even eaten anything in a few hours. I was going to start dieting after new years eve because I really wanted chinese food on new years as my "last supper." But scratch that. As of tomorrow I am fasting as much as possible. I am going to drink water, and eat ONLY raw fruits and veggies. I need to cleanse myself from all this grossness I've put in my body. I have my pre-op testing at the hospital on friday and Im dealthy afraid that they are going to weigh me and cancel my surgery.
So tomorrow begins a new chapter for me. Hopefully I drop 5lbs immediately once I stop drinking alcohol, stop eating ALL sugar, and drink tons of water. Im sure I will. My goal for tomorrow is half my body weight in oz's of water. Thats over 150 oz. but Im okay with that. My aunt is down from vermont and staying here tomorrow and I know she is bringing goodies but I've had enough- Im cutting myself off. Maybe I can lose 20lbs by my surgery date. Tredmill here I come!!
I've been reading peoples journals and Ive been both inspired and discouraged. This woman lost over 100lbs and was still in the same clothing size- and my mom keeps telling that will be me. She says that all my clothes are stretchy and I fit myself into too small sizes, so it will take me much more than normal to drop a size. Also- the past 10 journals Ive read people were losing SOOOO SLOWWW! If I wanted to lose that slow then I'd go back to Jenny Craig. I wonder if I will be a slow loser too. Is it even worth it? Okay okay of course it is worth it...Im just getting nervous maybe. I cant compare myself with anyone else.
One more thing- once I have surgery I still want to update here frequently (I hate when people have their surgery dates and then disapear) SO post-op at any time, even if its 2010 and your reading this and I haven't updated that year...EMAIL ME, find me and come show up at my door and force me to update...anything. Keep me on my toes guys, Im counting on you!!
That being said- Im going to cruise the boards. LATER<3
My family has never really experienced tragedy before, and Im hoping I can still say that going into the new year. My cousin Andrew who is a year older than me had a bad accident and is currently undergoing massive brain surgery. Christmas night his twin brother Nick found him in bed and it seemed as if he was really drunk. My aunt and uncle knew something was wrong so they rushed him to the hospital. It was immediately found that he had broken ribs (the least of his problems), a fractured skull, and just had a stroke. They opened his skull to relieve the pressure from the swelling but it hasn't help and he just had surgery, which hasn't been so successful yet so they are leaving the skull open and doing another procedure tomorrow. My family is devestated. I dont know the whole story about how this happend but what Ive gotten so far through the grapevine is that his gf (who has previously caused many problems) pushed him out of a moving car...then brought him home and put him to bed in an empty house. Can you believe that?!? Oh well I'll think about that later, I just hope that he pulls through, is no longer paralyzed, and regains full speech. Please keep him and his parents in your prayers.
Next (and I feel so selfish following with this)- I'M SO FUCKING FAT!! I've eaten revolting amounts of food over the past two days and its absolutely DISGUSTING. I've gained massive amounts and I cant even bring myself to write the number- lets just say that if Dr. Arcand weighed me right now he would immediately cancel my surgery and revoke my approval. I don't know how its humanly possible to gain so much weight in two weeks. I have not been hungry in three days and I've eaten so much that I've had a constant stomach ache. I also havent moved. Other than seeing my family I have been laying in bed. I feel like my stomach is literally going to explode at any second and I haven't even eaten anything in a few hours. I was going to start dieting after new years eve because I really wanted chinese food on new years as my "last supper." But scratch that. As of tomorrow I am fasting as much as possible. I am going to drink water, and eat ONLY raw fruits and veggies. I need to cleanse myself from all this grossness I've put in my body. I have my pre-op testing at the hospital on friday and Im dealthy afraid that they are going to weigh me and cancel my surgery.
So tomorrow begins a new chapter for me. Hopefully I drop 5lbs immediately once I stop drinking alcohol, stop eating ALL sugar, and drink tons of water. Im sure I will. My goal for tomorrow is half my body weight in oz's of water. Thats over 150 oz. but Im okay with that. My aunt is down from vermont and staying here tomorrow and I know she is bringing goodies but I've had enough- Im cutting myself off. Maybe I can lose 20lbs by my surgery date. Tredmill here I come!!
I've been reading peoples journals and Ive been both inspired and discouraged. This woman lost over 100lbs and was still in the same clothing size- and my mom keeps telling that will be me. She says that all my clothes are stretchy and I fit myself into too small sizes, so it will take me much more than normal to drop a size. Also- the past 10 journals Ive read people were losing SOOOO SLOWWW! If I wanted to lose that slow then I'd go back to Jenny Craig. I wonder if I will be a slow loser too. Is it even worth it? Okay okay of course it is worth it...Im just getting nervous maybe. I cant compare myself with anyone else.
One more thing- once I have surgery I still want to update here frequently (I hate when people have their surgery dates and then disapear) SO post-op at any time, even if its 2010 and your reading this and I haven't updated that year...EMAIL ME, find me and come show up at my door and force me to update...anything. Keep me on my toes guys, Im counting on you!!
That being said- Im going to cruise the boards. LATER<3
Goodbye Chrtistmas 2006!
Dec 25, 2006
Well I must say that this just may have been the best christmas I've ever had. Im prefectly content this all the great stuff I got, others reactions to the stuff I got them, and just the wonderful family I have and friends I've made. This is a great ending to a tough year! Today after having breakfast with my mom and brother I napped and then hung around in my room messing with all my cool stuff and then I went to Lauren's for christmas dinner with her family. I only got to stay for a little bit because Lauren kicked me out, lol not really I just had to go spend some time with my mom. When I got home she was there with my grandmother and we sat and chatted about the night before and I just enjoyed their company. My mom made a turkey dinner...but she didn't seem to have a good christmas at all which kind of makes me sad. But she is just stressed. But Im just so cheery- these past two days are the first time I can remember in the past two years that I've been 100% perfectly happy and content with life. I sound so cheesy but oh well.
Im going to Lauren's tomorrow for a bit, I love spending time with her and Alyssa. Then I have to make a dentist appointment...friday is my pre-op testing at Saint V's and then saturday we are going to see the Rocketts in Boston. Sunday is new years eve (which I fully plan on celebrating big) and then monday starts my 17 day countdown until surgery. Im doing my own liquid diet since Dr. Arcand doesnt require one except for the day before surgery. That will also help me lose some extra pounds before going under the knife. Ok well my friend Matt is calling so I will write more later!
---> Okay so I just wanted to make a note that I was watching this show with a lady who was 2 months out from lap-rny...this show wasnt about wls, actually it was about houses but she just mentioned it briefly that she just got it done...and as the show progressed over a couple weeks she got bitchier and meaner and just plain turned into someone I wanted to SMACK!! I hope I dont get like that!! Also they were showing her two months out eating freakin chinese food- WHO DOES THAT? Oh well...that's her deal!
Merry Christmas!!
Dec 24, 2006
I had the best christmas eve everrr. I mean I drank a bottle and a half of wine and like 12 red & green jello shots but eh oh well. I dont USUALLY drink and I didn't even get drunk, I just felt so damn cheery the whole night. I really enjoyed being with my family. When I was in middle school I never appreciated how great my family is. I hope they know how much they all mean to me. It really was a blast. I also got some pretty sweet presents- CHANEL earrings, iPod Nano, iFlop Frog, heated mattress pad (great for cold nights after surgery!), 2 Marilyn Monroe calendars, marilyn compact case, a ring, marilyn jewlery holder, TONS of stuff from Victoria Secret, tickets to see the Rocketts the 30th, a magic bullet...I could go on but my brain hurts. Its already like 2:30am.
My family was so supportive and happy for me about the surgery. I cant believe I wanted to keep it a secret. The only person that said anything negative at all was my uncle Todd but he was nice about it- he said that he doesnt really agree with any kind of surgery unless its 100% necessary and that Im so young and I dont understand how much it will effect my life years down the road. He said I can read about it but I wont really know until I experience it. But isnt that for everyone? If I was 40 and getting it I still wouldnt know unless I experienced it. And this is necessary and the only effect I can forsee years down the road is a LIFE. But he wasn't all negative and those comments werent said mean anyways- he did say that he was happy for me if this was what I really wanted to do and that he wished me the best of luck. He seemed concerned and genuine. He's my favorite uncle- and he isn't even blood, he married into the family - poor him! haha
But cool news is that he actually had a stomach/intestinal surgery done a few years ago by Dr. Arcand and I thought that was wicked cool- he was talking about how great he is and that I dont have a think to worry about. That made me feel really great. The only thing that freaked me out is that he said his roommate in the hospital had a stomach surgery (not by Dr. Arcand) and he developed a bad cough and one night he cough so hard that his stomach basically exploded and his incision split- there was blood all over the walls, windows, and curtains...and I guess the guy died. It wasnt a bypass surgery and it wasnt by my surgeon so I know I shouldnt worry at all- thats just a freak ass story!! Can you believe it? My uncle Todd said he was freakin out and kept hitting the morphine pump with one hand and the call nurse button with the other hand. Omg I would panic!! And even though he gets off on freaking people out I knew he was telling the truth because my aunt was there and she never lies.
So I keep getting awesome messages from people about my upcoming surgery- IM SO EXCITED!! It's starting to feel more real every single day. I think after the new year it will feel 100% real. I almost feel like its happening to someone else. I keep thinking about how my body is going to change every single day and how I am going to make tiny discoveries about myself...like collar bones! haha. Not being winded walked up two flights of stairs. Seeing my belly button. Not having back pain. Fitting comfortably in every seat. I wonder how long it will take me to get rid of fat girl syndrome though. We shall see. The only thing about my family is I can SOOO see people telling me next christmas that Im losing too much weight and I need to stop. All the girls in my family are semi-chunky except my Aunt Sloane and she always needs the attention, I wonder what will happen if I ever get thinner than her? haha. I think she'd freakkk. =)
Oh yea I almost forgottt!!! My Aunt Stephanie works for the state, I wish I knew the specific name of the damn company but she is currently running for public office- the Environment Conservation Committee- then planning to run for mayor eventually...but yea anywho she does something having to do with spills (not sure if its oil, petroleum, etc?)...but its not like in the water, its in different homes and work sites around Mass...her office is located in downtown Worcester- and at the end of the summer I was talking to her about maybe shadowing her at work sometime just to see what my options were in the future with careers...and she was all for it- but tonight she approached me and told me that since her company doesnt have insurance with me it would be too much of a hassle for me to tag along BUT she offered me a job!! Like a full-time (40 hrs a week, over $10 an hr) to work downtown with her- even though she said she travels all over the state so Id be alone most of the time in basically my own office...Id be doing clerical work, answering phones, taking spill reports...they give me my own company nextel, the works! It would look so good on any freakin resume because they usually only higher college grads with relative experience BUT they've been short a person and she mentioned me to the higher ups. They'd be willing to let me take as much time as I want after surgery before I start but the job will be sitting 98% of the time anyways. That sounds so freakin cool. Steph is gonna call me next week and fill me in on the details. Its even better because she is the one who'd be training me so that should be fun- she is my (2nd) favorite aunt! haha
SOOOOO maybe I'm not going back to school. Because I can work full-time, then take summer class...and go back in the fall working full-time AND taking night classes. Man I'd be making over $400 a week! My cousin Jessica lives in a 3 bedroom townhouse by herself and she said that once I get a job I can move in there with her for $300 a month. Maybe by this time next year I'll be in school, healthy & skinny, working, and have a nice apartment. Who knows? We'll see what happens!!!
25 Days!
Dec 22, 2006
I came to the conclusion that I am addicted to turkey sandwiches on 12 grain bread. For a fat person thats pretty good I suppose- a lot better than a greasy gross fatty food. But still its not good to be addicted to anything. Okay well tonight has been CRAZY- my mom sprung so many things on me that I needed to get done. I finally just finished and its already almost 2:30 am. I cant wait for christmas to be OVERRR. And I've been thinking about school (mostly since I found out I have a 3.9 GPA!! GO ME!) and Im taking the chance- Im going to school next semester. I just cant afford to lose my scholarship, and I dont wanna go stir crazy sitting in the house all day every day. My schedule is quite easy- I have one online class. So I only have to go TO school 4 days a week, 2 days I have 2 classes, 2 days I have 1 class. No biggie. I can bring my Isopure drinks with me and sip on those during class. The only issue I'll have is pain but hopefull that will be minimal. I plan on being back in school by the 22nd, first day is the 16th so I'll go that day and talk to my professors and pending NO COMPLICATIONS - I think I'll be all set. I wonder if I can have my laptop in the hospital? haha They probably dont have wireless huh? Oh well I'll deal. Am I making the right choice? I have a week or so to withdraw from my classes if I cant handle it.
Boy news, found my long ago ex boyfriend on myspace a few days ago (an army boy) and sent him a message and I finally got a response from him tonight. That made me happy happy. We'll see what happens out of that one. I just cant stop thinking about men, I don't know what my issue is. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS...I just have to keep telling myself that.
Okay so I'm gonna go and try to read some of my book and hopefully fall asleep soon. Tomorrow is going to be a LONG day/night. God Bless!!
Boy news, found my long ago ex boyfriend on myspace a few days ago (an army boy) and sent him a message and I finally got a response from him tonight. That made me happy happy. We'll see what happens out of that one. I just cant stop thinking about men, I don't know what my issue is. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS...I just have to keep telling myself that.
Okay so I'm gonna go and try to read some of my book and hopefully fall asleep soon. Tomorrow is going to be a LONG day/night. God Bless!!
