An amazing moment and new sense of freedom

Jul 24, 2012

 Some days, I think life is great, and it couldnt get any better. And then I have moments where I realize it can get better!

I had a moment tonight in a kick boxing class where I saw this light - I had this reflection and flashback of sorts where i feel like I have just entered a whole new world. I thought back to mostly Jr High and HS - I remember that I use to DREAD, i mean DREAD, ever having to go to PE class. Running days used to leave me with cold sweats and just pure terror. I dont think I ever ran a whole mile in my life before I graduated from HS. Even though I played tennis, I couldnt run. (funny really). I had a few specific flashbacks to sitting in my math class and every single day I would be so distracted thinking about having to go to my next class- i could never focus because Id be having serious anxiety/panic about having to go to PE. I cant even remember how many injuries/illnesses I faked just to get out of as many running days as I could. I heard all the voices from all the cruel kids that would taunt me as they passed me for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time on the running track. 

And tonight, when I had all of these thoughts - I realized I was having a moment where I was praying for a running break from the tough conditioning drills we were doing. I realized I was in better shape than some of these skinny people even though it was my first class. I wanted to cry at first when I realized this. The thought of being told to run excited me, it no longer tormented me. This was a huge weight lifted off me - I think some of these memories have fueled my athletic endeavors - I have lived as an obese kid, teen, and adult, and I have never experienced this kind of freedom. But instead of crying, I had the biggest smile on my face as I pushed myself harder than I have in a long time - the burn was great. I was living in the moment - it was such a light feeling - hard to explain but it was absolutely beyond amazing. I am NOT that obese child being ridciuled and terroized by the thought of having to run. I am strong, I am fit, and I am free. 

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