Almost 15 months post op

Sep 06, 2012

 It seems kind of crazy that time goes by so quick. I wish I could say I was at goal. I wish I knew what my goal was. Well, actually I do - I suppose I will be at goal at whatever weight I can run 13 miles and live to tell about. So that's that. I'm going to train my butt off and pray that I can finish the 13 miles...and then, I will declare myself to be at goal. Because otherwise, I'm chasing a number that doesn't exist. So with some luck, 10/29 will be the day I reach goal. 

I went through a really big funk last week - but as always, come Sunday, I am done. That's my safety net that I have used over and over for the last 15 months. But let me say, I was OUT OF CONTROL before then. Eating 2500-2800 cal/day. WTF. I guess there is something to say about the fact that I tracked all of that...every bite? I think it might be the one thing that keeps me iin a lttle bit of control -from totally falling off the deep end. 

Either way, I'm back on track. Still running. Back to watching my calories. Back in control. And most importantly, off the scale. I weighed in Monday, put the scale away, and it's been in the closet since then. I weighed in at the docs which was a little bit of a relief, but I'm not getting on my scale for as long as possible, because the number no longer matters - im not longer chasing that number. I will run - run more and more miles and chase my goal that way. 

Whenever I need to find a way to end my funk - I really have to go back to the beginning - and remember what it felt like to be so out of control, sitting on my couch at 420 lbs. The pain of being that heavy - physically, emotionally, mentally - i never want to feel that again. I totally lost it when I gained 11 lbs in 2 weeks, and went back over 200, but I realied pretty quick that it was still a far fetch from 420 lbs and that if I wanted to continue to eat like a pig, I was going to very quickly end up back at 420. So, I revered that trnd. 

Im looking forward to ATL soon, the Rock N  Roll half, and finally PS in November. 

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