Life at almost 16 months out...

Oct 04, 2012

 Ive been sooo up and down lately. To say ive been struggling - that would be an understatement. Myfitnesspal just forced me to look at the reality that ive basically  been in maintenance now for close to 3 months. Ouch. 

I have so many issues that for today, im not going to go into them because it's a rare "up" kind of day. 

It struck me yesterday while flying that I am a normal sized person - and in fact, am probably smaller than the "normal" avg American now. I dont know if I'll say I'm skinny because I have way to much excess skin to say that - but I FEEL like a skinny bitch, and at this moment in time, that's all that really matters to me. I feel strong and healthy. 

I was looking forward to travelling for a week because I thought hey - this actually gives me an excuse to eat like crap. Score!! I mean, ive been eating like crap, but feeling guilty. I was totally going to come to ATL, eat like crap and not feel guilty. After feeling like such a skinny bitch while flying, I decided against that option. I have not caved in to the many temptaions that are here. I went and stocked up on water, powerade zero, tuna, greek yogurt, beef jerky, and my one splurge - apple slices. I brought my blender tlo for myfavorite treat - chike iced protein coffee!! I dont care about weight loss right now - I just want to be the the healthy skinny bitch that I realized I am yesterday. Sooo, cookies, and bagels, and junk....get lost!

I hve less than 6 weeks now until Plastics. While I am still scared, I am more excited than anything. Now that - in the last 3-4 weeks - I have come to terms with my actual size (and im not all the way there - just making progress) all i want is to get this skin off so I can see the real me. I might be struggling now, and it makes me hesistate for a minute about whether I should actually proceed with PS at this point, but I need to do this, and damn it, regardless of being a big fuck up for the last 3 months, I have earned the right to look good, and I deserve this. 

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