My younger self is laughably ridiculous.

Jan 03, 2011

Nope. I'm not dead. Quite alive, actually. I've just been staying away from the "community" for a long while because I see a lot of things wrong with it. A lot of expectations that seem a bit ridiculous to me and people willing to make fast assumptions about other people when they're surgical journeys don't go down to the letter of perfection. That's not what mine has been, and I KNOW it's the same for a lot of other people, so I've been steering clear.

My old blogs make me laugh. I was such a ridiculous drama queen. I was one hurting little girl, too. So lost and frightened. It makes me wonder at how I still struggle with the idea of perfection and demanding it from myself and feeling as though others are demanding it of me even when they've done nothing to make me assume such a thing. I think when we demand something of ourselves we tend to project that out on to other people. So I am constantly demanding perfection of myself and others, and I assume everyone is that way, too.

I've done a lot of growing up in the time that I've been away. In fact, tomorrow is my twenty-first birthday. This April (April 3rd), it will be four years since my surgery. I really can't believe it, to be honest. To look at my life then and to look at my life now. I am not the same girl. Not by a longshot. This road has been hard and filled with trials. I STILL have a broken tummy, (never did get that revision). But I'm still looking to change that. And learning how to live life with a little less drama, a little more of an easygoing attitude, and a little less expectation of perfection.

In fact, nowadays, I embrace my imperfection. I love being sarcastic and snarky because no one is perfect and those who purport the idea that they ARE... are the most ridiculous ones of us all. I don't always drink protein, (in fact, I quite dislike protein shakes), I can't really afford vitamins so I do my best with what I have, and I think that whole, "You're WORTH the expense" line is bullshit. I might be worth the expense, but is my family's home worth the expense? Methinks not so much.

Anyway, I'm still deciding if I'm gonna hang around. We'll see. :)

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