Back Again.

Dec 04, 2011

 Still no revision. But I've been doing a lot of talking, studying, etc.

Did you know that there was a study done that linked the occurrence of Gastrogastric Fistulae, (my condition), to poor surgical technique? OUTDATED surgical technique, at that? I was shocked when I found that study. But, I have to admit, I also found myself quite satisfied. 

Justified.

Vindicated.

Vindicated is the perfect word. Because for two years I had been walking around thinking that I did this to myself, that I caused this and that I was the reason that this was all failing and going to shit. Not so... NOT so. I am so pleased by that. So very, very pleased.

Still. In the long-run, it still leaves my little tummy broken and in need of repair. A Gastrogastric Fistula is basically a hole. Think of it in the scientific terms. In science, a "fistula" is similar to a "rivulet". A little breakthrough of water from one barricaded section to the next. That's what's happening here. A breakthrough. Or rather, a breakDOWN. Of my staple line, if I've read correctly. So it's kind of like a hole which provides access FROM my created pouch into my old stomach. 

This comes with a variety of consequences. A sheer smorgasboard. Acid reflux EVERY night. (Which we know, extended acid reflux activity can, long-term, lead to cancer), the possibility of internal bleeding and ulcers and regain because I don't maintain feelings of satiety... phrases all of us post-ops know ALL too well. I'm susceptible to all of these things. And, I will not continue to lose weight, really, until a revisional surgery is performed.

Know what sucks about that? I'm one of the millions of uninsured Americans. So, as we know, no such thing as a surgery is going to be performed on this little girl. That's frustrating as HELL. I don't know what to do with myself right now. I don't know what practical steps I can take to take care of myself RIGHT NOW. I do not have the money for proteins and all of this other stuff. That's just reality. I'm unemployed, uninsured... and I know I'm not alone in that. I used to think I was, but now I know better.

Thing is, I don't WANT to wallow. I want to FIGHT. I just have no idea how to. 

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