Well I thought I told my story in the "Posts" section but apparently I was wrong.Here goes.
I have had for all of my life a horrible self image. My nickname as a child was "Fat". There are actually people who still attempt to call me that to this day. They get corrected very quickly. The thing was my sister is 2 years older than me and I was always much bigger than her. I was taller and have a different body type than she so being that 95% of the people I was around as a child were ignorant, they called me "Fat". As I found out when I became older. I really wasn't fat at all. I was just different. But the seed had been planted and the manifestation had begun.
I went though all of my thinking that just because I was bigger than the friends I had that I was some kind of freak and did not deserve the same treatment that they received. When I was 11 years old I was 5'6 and weighed 156 pounds. I thought there was something wrong with me. and I became an introvert. I hated any type of attention or compliments and I learned to hide behind babysitting and church.By the time I was in high school I had gained about 70 pounds but the summer of my senior year I had these severe neck spasms and the medication I was on made me sleep most of the day so I lost down to about 180 pounds. I was at the time 5'8 and though I loved the way I could fit into new clothes and wear a size 10/12 I still thought I was fat. Mainly because people kept telling me that I was fat. It is amazing how the things people tell you can actually influence how you see yourself. I got down to about 165 later that year and I was able to get my drivers license. I remember actually telling the DMV lady to please put 140 on mine because I did not want my actual weight on my license. Oh what I would give to get back down to 170 pounds.Well, as the years went on I gained a few pounds here and there but nothing crazy.
It wasn't until I had my son in 1998 that things really started to change for me. I was so stressed out and so angry at having to raise my son alone that before I knew it, I had gained 80 pounds by the time he was 10 months old. I gained 21 pounds in 40 weeks of pregnancy and lost it within weeks of having my son and then I gained almost 100 pounds within the first year of his life. I have been miserable ever since. I have lost a lot of weight in the past 9 years just not all at the same time...LOL The most was 62 pounds in 2005 due to thyroid issues but because I was on the wrong dosage of synthroid, I gained it all back. This time it came with arthritis and insomnia. I want to go to the park and help my son play football and basketball so that he can become a better player. I want to walk fast like I used to. I remember when I could double cross my legs (when I was 170) now if I can even get one leg over the other it usually results in a cramp. So I don try that much. I just want my life back. I feel like I have been robbed, that I am being held prisoner. I just want to be happy and enjoy my life.
I am in school right now taking classes to obtain my undergraduate degree in Organizational Management with a concentration in Human Services Administration. I also work as a teachers assistant with special needs children. What's crazy is most of "my kids" have heart problems (because of Downs Syndrome) and I find it hard to even keep up with them. That's sad.
I am here for support, to make friends, gain information (good and bad) and change my life for the better. I would invite all who read to come along with me for the journey.
Thank you for your time.
****Instead of telling God how big your storm is, tell your storm how big your God is****