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It was my 1 year surgiversary yesterday!!

From 316 to 187... From a size 26/28 to a size 10.

It's kind of a weird place to be in because I am super happy with my size and my body right now, but I'm still technically overweight and could lose another 28 pounds to get to "normal". I've been this weight for about 5 months, so it seems like this could be a stall or this could be it. I don't know, and I really don't care right now. Is that weird?

I'm just enjoying every minute of shopping at the "real" stores, of looking at things and thinking they won't fit to find out not only do they fit but I could go down another size, wearing super cute high heeled shoes all day and not waking up in terrible pain the next day, and being able to just do anything I want to be it skating, biking, fitting into the airplane seat, or whatever I want really!!

I'm a dumper so I'm careful to avoid that. I eat 4 meals a day in general, drink protein shakes only when I have to, and take 9 vitamins and 1 allergy pill every day. I'm healthy for the first time in at least 18 years, which is almost half my life. I'll take it!

Thank you RNY!! And, thank you to all my friends and awesome mentors for giving me the information and support to be able to make it this far!! :D

Huggles!!
~Sarah~
 

Last night, my darling steppy kid who works at Lane Bryant brought me presents! Some shorts and a top that were on clearance... One pair of shorts was a 16 and 2 were 14s... I was so excited to have a pair of 16s that I could wear and not feel like my clothes are falling off... I tried it on, and I was right, fits beautifully, a little loose around the waist but I always have that problem when I'm thin...

Then she says, I want you to try on the 14s too... I laughed. There's no way I said. But, I put them on. I sucked in my gut and snapped those babies up. Now, sure, they are so tight, I probably would have to stop breathing to wear them in public, but I got them on, snapped and zipped. I couldn't believe it. In a couple weeks, I'll probably be wearing them like they fit the whole time.

Unbelievable!! :D 

OMGosh, and yesterday I ate protein pudding that I made with vanilla sugar free pudding mix, skim milk, and a scoop of vanilla protein. It was A-MAZING!! If you haven't tried that, you definitely should! It was AWESOME!! :D 

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

... and if it doesn't, you aren't really venting...

Today, I'm a bit frustrated... Over something someone else did. It happens... On these boards, we meet all kinds of people- those that are happy with their surgeries, those that aren't happy with their surgeries, and so on... And, we let those people have free access to posting as many topics as they want on the message board. But, when someone posts about how unhappy they are with their surgery, waits 5 minutes, doesn't get a reply and makes another post about how unhappy they are... and keep doing this for a half an hour complaining over and over that they didn't know what they were getting into or their dr screwed something up or they hate the food restrictions they are living under or really whatever else they need to vent over...it just starts to wear on me, and turn me into the eye rolling version of myself.

Now, I really don't like the eye rolling version of myself, she's certainly not my favorite version of myself. But, this is a message board for adults who exhibit adult behavior. They won't let you have this surgery unless you are 18 so that pretty much settles it that this is pretty much an adult environment. And, I don't know any adults in my life who throw tantrums and stomp their feet until enough people pay attention to them to satisfy their desire in that moment. To me, this person was NOT interested in "Venting". This person was throwing a tantrum and demanding we all watch it. I didn't watch my daughter have a tantrum when she was 3 and I'm certainly not going to watch some random adult I don't even know throw one now- no matter how much I might feel for her situation and wish there was some way to make it better...

To me, this was/is clearly attention seeking behavior. And, to fully blow out of proportion even fuller the tantrum, this person deactivated themself from OH, admonishing us all for being all smiley and happy no matter what bad things come into our lives whether related to our surgeries or not... And, maybe to some people, that's a bad thing... but, not to me. I'd rather look at the positive side of things. I especially prefer to tell myself that what I am going through is normal and that it WILL pass soon than to sit and wallow in my misery and let everything compound into something far worse. In the end, I think this person needs some major counseling, possibly some anti depressants, and a much smaller volume button on their microphone...

Whew!! And, see... now that I have vented about that, I feel better, and I can let it go and move on...

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

Apologies in advance if for some reason a man ends up reading this post...

I think I just need to vent this out...

In 4 weeks and 2 days, I have lost about 24 pounds... Before that pre op, I lost 50 pounds... So, I've lost a significant amount of weight... But, these last 4 weeks have left me with a major problem... In the past 4-6 weeks (I don't really remember exactly when I measured), I have lost 6 inches of my bra band size... from a 44 to a 38... and I've only lost 2 inches from my chest measurement... (From a 54 to a 52)

So, my bras are fitting sloppy in a major bad way, I can't really afford to get new ones, and because it's sloppy, my back is killing me... Now, most of the time, I hang out in the house bra-less cuz I just don't care... But, if I put the dang bra on and wear it somewhere, my back complains about it from about 45 minutes after I put it on till about 45 minutes after I take it off... Not to mention there's enough extra room in my k cups I could put a softball in each one and still have room for my keys and cell phone...

I was REALLY hoping that my band size and chest measurement would go down in a proportionate way so that I could avoid this... Once upon a time, I was a SUPER busty average sized chick, and it appears I'm right back on my way to that top heavy figure I had before...

How much does a breast reduction cost again?? 

:(

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

I can't believe it's been 4 weeks since I had my surgery. I just figured I'd take the time to write another one of my, "Where am I now" type posts!

 Physically, I feel great, I have a lot of energy when I'm awake! I'm still napping or sleeping in depending on whether I had a nap the day before. I have no need for pain pills although the Hiatal Hernia Repair in my shoulder does sometimes still twinge a little to tell me I drank too much at once. My incisions are all healing nicely. The 2 largest incisions still have 2 tiny scabs left on them, but the rest have healed over and are looking great!

 I've lost 24 pounds since the surgery, and quite a few inches, including 3 off my waist and 2 off my chest! My under chest measurement has gone down almost 6 inches, which is pretty impressive as well...

Emotionally, I am doing pretty well! I generally have been trying anything soft that sounds or smells good... I have put quite a bit of stuff into the puree machine (including my beloved tacos, lol). So far, I haven't gotten anything stuck, or had any kind of gastrointestinal rejection of anything I've introduced to the system! I'm quite regular which can be a huge problem after surgery and have not had too much gas, which is also good.

I do not feel hungry. I do not feel full. I do not have thoughts about food unless I smell something I want or especially don't want. So, that is a pretty weird thing for me. I am eating with the family at this point, but not always eating what they are having... IE... I made a noodle free lasagna Wed night. I also cooked a pot of elbow noodles for them. I ate the lasagna without the noodles, they mixed theirs with the elbow noodles. It was a great compromise and the leftovers haven't gotten soggy in the fridge! So, we are working it out!

I think I did "dump" once when I put half a banana and half a serving of peanut butter in my protein shake. It was a weird feeling, and a very unpleasant one. I ended up sleeping it off. I was a little skittish to have another protein shake after that, but I'm fine.

As far as my protein and water go, it is a struggle every day to get enough protein and water. I have made it quite a few times on the water, but not once on the protein. 100 grams of protein is a LOT when you can only eat 1/2 a cup at a time, lol... I need to get in the groove of drinking a protein drink in the mornings to get me headed in the right direction. Protein is what I'm working on these days!

Other than that, I'm able to do what I want to do, like walk all over the mall, or the neighborhood! I'm able to go with the family to anywhere they are all going. I can sit in any of the couches in the house now! AND, I can feel my hip bones and if I put my head just right, I can see my collar bones... Both of those are pretty strange for me, lol...

Yesterday, it was weigh day and I FORGOT to weigh myself, which is pretty amazing! I'm feeling so well that I am not developing any kind of scale obsession.

I've had some stress with my sewing machine breaking in the middle of a project and so on, but none of the stress I have been going through has sent me to the fridge, so that is good! I still find my major trigger to eat when I should not is boredom. More than anything, I need to break the habit of opening the fridge door when I'm bored. Lately, I've just been opening it, looking in, closing it and walking away. That's better than before, but still not good enough! But, I'm getting there...

So, yeah, I'm all sunshine and rainbows now, lol...In 2 more weeks, I'll be able to go swimming, immerse myself in a bathtub, and go bowling! I am trying to think of a way to do all 3 things on one day, lol...

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

"Unvoiced expectations are resentments in waiting..."

I agree. Seriously, the smart alec part of me figures I should just stop right there... But, in an effort to look like I made an effort, I'll keep going... I think not only do unvoiced expectations cause resentments, but also unvoiced wishes and dreams do as well... There are so many times I find myself wishing my husband or children would do something differently. Most of the times these things don't escalate into resentments, because I do talk about them. But, sometimes something will come up that I'm too afraid to bring up or that I have brought up before and dropped for whatever reason. This happens more with my darling husband than my daughters because I didn't raise him so he is not as compliant about doing things how I like them done, lol...

As a matter of fact, I know I drive him crazy over some things too... For instance, the toilet paper roll... I grew up in a house where nobody put the roll back on the dispenser, it just sat there perpendicularly until my mom threw a fit about it and fixed it. Mind you, she didn't put it on there either most of the time, but she was the one who didn't like it that way. She also felt (and I agree) that if the tp is on the dispenser, it should be coming over the top and not under and in the back. SO, I learned how to do it right, but also that it was not really that big of a deal unless someone was coming over... My husband, on the other hand, is a firm believer that tp should always be on the dispenser so it makes him a little crazy when I don't put it there... So, anytime he goes after I go, he will fix the tp on the dispenser, but he doesn't really care if it is coming over the top or out the back... So, half the time, I would get irritated that he did it wrong, but he was irritated that I didn't do it at all... So, it works in both directions. And, then we talked about it and now we have it all worked out. Most of the time, I put it on the dispenser, but if I don't, he does and does it the right way, lol...

But, really this topic is meant to be deep, and I know that I should handle it a bit more respectfully, but the thing is, I don't have any examples of something deep that I'm willing to put out there on the internet... I just don't. I think it is so important that people communicate in their lives with one another, or even just with themselves. If you can't say out loud what you are trying to make happen to yourself or to someone else, you really cripple yourself and set yourself up for failure and/or disappointment. It's like when you have written a script about how you think something should go, and everyone else is screwing up their lines... But, if you didn't give them a copy of the script, you can't get mad at them for not knowing their lines... So, hand over your script, or better yet give up your script and let what they say be the perfect thing at that moment... Because I've noticed that just because they didn't say exactly what I wanted them to say or what I thought they would say, doesn't mean they aren't saying something good. :-D

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

So, I was very excited to be advancing to full liquids yesterday! I planned a special trip to the store to get some of the things the doctor's list says I can have now... The first 2 things on my list are Cream of Wheat and Cream of Rice... So, I headed straight for those... I picked up the boxes and checked out the nutrition information... Both of these items have around 22 g of Carbs per serving... And, 2 g of protein... So, this is a carb item, not a protein... Why would I eat this?? I don't understand why that's even on my list...

Mind you, almost everything on my full liquids list is a carb food more than a protein food... I had already figured this out when I made myself some cream of mushroom soup. The soup has 1 g. of protein per serving... So, the only protein in it was coming from the milk I made it with. How am I supposed to get up to 100 g of protein if I'm drinking protein things that are giving me maybe 6 g of protein per 8 oz?? It's crazy...

So, I guess I'll be drinking a lot of protein shakes from here on out, cuz there's no way I'm going to let my protein fall even more than it was on clear liquids... I'm trying to build protein here people! Seriously!

I ended up buying some greek yogurt, and that was it... I don't know how I'm gonna eat it cuz it's unflavored, so I'll be adding something to it to make it taste better, I just don't know what... lol...

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

The other day I turned a corner... It was the day I posted the where I am now thread... See, I woke up in the morning and posted that first thing. Then, I went about my day, and it was kind of a special day because it was a good day! All day long, it was good, I was good. In good spirits I mean... I didn't have a meltdown at 7:45 or any other time of day. Somehow I had made peace with protein drinks and even though they are still not what I would choose to drink if I had a choice, I can drink them without being depressed that they are what I am drinking.

And it stuck! the next day was more of the same... I've been more tired than usual, but that is because I'm not drinking enough water or protein, even though I feel like I am always drinking one or the other, lol...

So, anyway, I was super excited to wake up today, because it was my first post op appt. I was excited for the dr/pa to see my progress, and a little concerned she was gonna yell because of the Lovenox... But, I really thought she was gonna advance me to full liquids so I didn't really care about any of that, lol...

Well, I got there and they weighed me... 248.8!! Today is the first day in probably 10 or 15 years that the weight on my drivers license is close to accurate!! AND, it says I weigh more than I do!! :D Weird, huh?

So far so good on everything else... She said my incisions look good, and I can use some baby oil to get the tape residues off myself (YAY)... She also told me that I had a Hiatal (serious spelling problem there... HI AYE TAL) Hernia repaired during my surgery so that is why my shoulder is bothering me so much... I'm figuring this is because to fix it, they had to breech the diaphragm so there was more gas, in a whole different cavity of the body...

Since I'm going for my depo shot later, she wants me to go on the Lovenox for a week, which I can do now... I was scared before, but I'm alright now. My iron level is up to 10.2, which means all this tired I'm feeling is because I'm not drinking enough so I have to drink more!! That's tough stuff right there...

And, then, she dropped the bomb on me... Full Liquids on THURSDAY... What?? But, I was really looking forward to full liquids on Monday, like today, like RIGHT NOW... So, it's clear to me that the corner I turned was a serious corner, because I didn't cry! I didn't scream! I didn't even hold those things back! I just took it and adjusted my expectations... Ok... 3 more days of clear liquids. I don't want to do that, but I can do that. I'm not happy about it, but I'm not defeated by it either...

And, I can swallow my iron and claritin so I can throw out the nasty liquid claritin I had which is one of the happiest things I've heard all week!

So, recheck in 4 weeks... Full liquids start on Thursday and Soft Foods start 2 weeks after that!

Oh, and my BMI is under 40!! :D :D :D I'm well on my way!

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

SO, I know that not a lot of people have heard my surgery story, so this will probably be long! First of all, thank you to everyone who prayed for me on my 10 day countdown and on their own. It really means a lot to me!!

I had a very good day/night before the surgery. I didn't have any feelings of panic about the surgery or any doubts. I also didn't feel like I had any anxiety about the surgery either. I did drink a whole bottle of magnesium citrate (laxative) and it took what I thought was a long time to work, so I was a little concerned that I was going to wake up in the morning and have to tell my surgeon that a whole bottle of laxative had no effect on me and that can't be good, lol... But, at 3:00 in the morning, it worked, and continued working every 10 minutes or so till my surgery! The unexpected blessing in this was that when my dad sent me a video message of himself wishing me well at 4:00 in the morning, I was awake to see it and wrote back, so he called me and we talked for like a half an hour. That was a real booster for my mood and my day!! :D

In the morning, I got up and at em with a shower, and 7 minutes of required scrubbing with the prescribed soap. It's pink and smells like rubbing alcohol, so refreshing, LOL... I got dressed in some loose and comfy clothes with not a lot of elastic, and we set out for the hospital. Chris dropped Ashley and me off and took Rachel to school. I kissed her goodbye and told her I love her. I started to tear up a little but I shook it off and kept going. I told Ashley, "This feels like leaving her at the airport for a trip or something..." But, I was good. I signed in, and had a seat. I found the nearest bathroom, important stuff!! I used the bathroom 3 times while we waited. I didn't feel anxious or stressed, I was in a good mood!

Finally, I was called to sign some paperworks. That was not a big deal, most of the paperwork was already signed in the drs office. And, then I was moved to another area to wait to be prepped. In the prepping area, they stripped me of all my worldly possessions and put me in a purple hospital gown with vents. It was made of paper. And, they put me in compression stockings and did some other stuff to me. My blood pressure was a little high and my heartbeat was a little rapid, so even though I was feeling relaxed, I was experiencing a bit of anxiety after all... They also weighed me, and I weighed in at 263.7, which means that I did meet my pre op goal of 50 pounds lost before surgery!! :D They gave me a heparin shot in my arm that stung LIKE CRAZY. That sucked!!

Once I was safely tucked in my bed and all heparined, they were calling me to go into the pre op area. The nurse said they must be running ahead because that was quick since I was scheduled for 1030 surgery and it was only around 9. They rolled me to a new place. The guy bent the rules and let Chris and Ashley wait with me since no one else in the room had any family with them at all. Turns out you usually only get 1 family person. I was doubly blessed. My nurse came in, we recognized her from one of our classes, so that was awesome! She told me I would have to leave my glasses with Chris and Ashley and some other surgery stuff that was probably important, but all I heard was that I would have to leave my glasses, lol...

Next came Dr. Takahashi, and Dr. Brennan the anesthesiologist. Dr. T is awesome and I knew that already! Dr. B was really great! I told them I was freaking out because the nurse said I couldn't take my glasses and I'm blind without them, and I wear them all the time, and If I take them off at the dentist, I have a major panic attack and are you sure I can't bring them with me?? They both agreed that it would not be a problem for me to have my glasses, and I was very relieved. Dr. T asked me what kind of surgery I was having and some other stuff (protocol!). Dr. B told me all kinds of anesthesia stuff and then asked me if I had any questions. I said, "I have a degree in theatre, and I am an actress, singer, and comedianne..." Dr. T interrupted and said, "So, you're going to be really dramatic about things??"

We all laughed and I said, "No... I just wanted to ask you to please be careful with my vocal chords because I really use them a lot and would be super devastated if anything happened to them..." Now, some anesthesiologists think a request like that is an insult or a really stupid thing for a patient to say, and from what I understand, it's always touchy when you bring something like that up... Dr. B was awesome!! He said that's not a problem at all, What I can do is use a smaller tube and be extra super careful when I'm working around your vocal chords, it will be great! I was so relieved and happy!! I really liked him and as you know I was pretty worried about not knowing who he would be!!

A few minutes later, they rolled me into the OR, I had a few moments amusement about the difference between what it's like on Greys Anatomy and what it's like in real life. And there I was in OR 14, one of 2 specific to Bariatric Surgeries only ORs at Torrance Memorial. I said, "Wow look at all the monitors!" The computer screens in there put Chris' office to shame, and that's saying a lot. There were at least 8 huge widescreen monitors hanging from the ceiling in a 360 degree view over the bed... They asked me to scooch over to the operating bed, which I did. I said, "Wow, you guys keep it bright in here!" Dr. B said, "Let me give you some medicine for that..." I didn't even have time to say, "Medicine for brightness?" and the next thing I knew I was being rubbed on the shoulders and told I did great, and that it was time to wake up...

It was done! I was groggy!!! I had some kind of squeeze ball in my left hand, didn't know what it was so I squeezed it. Turns out it was a JP Drain they had put in and squeezing it was not a good idea. My gown and whole bed had to be changed, lol... I was loopy and droopy and totally groggy, but I wasn't in pain... I just felt like I was floating between reality and where ever it was that I was... I knew I was supposed to be up and walking but that just wasn't a possibility for me, I was so groggy and dizzy, I couldn't even imagine it... I didn't get into my own room until around 5 something, I didn't even have the mental capacity to make a joke about having a reservation... I don't remember a lot about being in the recovery area, I was SUPER out of it... But, around 8ish, they got me standing up, and then I sat right back down and had to be given nausea medicine. Around midnight, I took a stroll about 1/4th of the distance they wanted me to walk, got dizzy and had to be wheelchaired back to my room. The next day, I asked them to take me off the pain pump because I had figured out by withholding the button that it was that medicine that was making me so dizzy and nauseous. They took me off it, to switch me to tylenol codeine. I asked for regular tylenol, I said I'm tired enough without taking codeine, and I need to get walking! So, tylenol it was. And, I was up and walking before I knew it!

The next day, I had my drain removed, my iv got infiltrated and had to be removed. (Avoid an infiltrated IV if you can, MAN THAT SUCKS!! My arm was hot and swollen for about 24 hours, it burned and was miserable. I still have a sore spot in my wrist from it. IVs should never hurt for more than a second or two, If it does, don't let them put anything else into it, if it is infiltrated, anything they put into it is going straight into a body area where it should not be!! Believe me when I say it's better to get stuck again than to deal with what I went through!!) My blood had to be drawn twice that day... My iron levels were low, as usual, so they had to be checked again before I came home. The guy said I had good veins like I had been pumping iron. I said I was pumping iron, it was just the ferrous sulfate kind. He thought that was really funny! It was a long and crazy day, but in the end I got to go home!!

And, that's my whole surgery story.

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

I know! I know! Two notes in one day is a lot, but I didn't want to make the surgery story one any longer, and I am bored out of my mind, so I still have a lot more to say, LOL...

But, seriously, 8 days later... I have been really great and really sucky, and everywhere in between... It's definitely a roller coaster ride!

I feel really good! I can walk around the block all by myself, I did it yesterday! I don't have any pain from my incisions. They do itch a bit, but that's normal with healing. I don't have any stitches, I'm just super glued shut, which is good for less scarring I hear. I haven't taken any pain meds for incision pain in 3 or 4 days...

I went to my support group meeting on Monday for the first time as a post op patient, it felt really great to be there with my friends, and I really had a lot to contribute on the topic, which was really awesome. It was also an important topic for me at this stage, so I was glad I didn't miss it. We talked about lapses and how to keep them from becoming relapses. We also talked about monitoring and logging everything you eat to be able to look at that data and see what you can learn from it. I'm not huge on doing that, but I have been doing it faithfully since the surgery. It's hard but it helps a lot to be able to see how much water I've been drinking and how much protein stuff I have been drinking, for how many total grams of protein.

I am not drinking anywhere near enough water or protein but I am slowly making my way to the goal. Eventually, I need to build to 64 oz of water (preferably more) a day, as well as 100-110 grams of protein every day. I've gotten 48 oz of water on my best day so far, and 57 grams of protein on my best day so far. (Not on the same day, lol) That's not great, but it's a step in the right direction!

Emotionally, I've been kind of going through the ringer, lol... I felt really great at first, just excited to be turning over this new leaf. Then the major boredom set in. I am bored. All day long, bored. I haven't been able to go anywhere cuz I wasn't cleared to drive. I have 1800 movies in the house, but I've seen them all or have no interest in seeing them. I can watch tv, but that gets BORING... Everyone on the computer is awesome, but the reality is there are not a whole lot of people who can just be on the computer all the time. And, then there is the added boredom of having to drink nothing but clear fluids all day long every single day. Water, broth, punch, punch, water, water, punch, broth. It took about 4 days to really get to me.

I have a weird sensation about food. I'm not hungry. I'm not thirsty. I can take or leave what I'm drinking. Water tastes good, EVERYTHING else not that great. And, then I see a commercial for something I would have eaten a couple weeks ago, or that I'm planning to eat again, or that I never want to eat again, and it hits me like a ton of bricks that I'm not eating anything and everything I'm drinking is BORING... And, that makes me angry or depressed. That seems dumb, but there it is. I watch commercials and analyze how many carbs are in that thing they are eating, how I could modify it to make it more healthy for me and something I could eat once I get into the eating actual food phase! I'm angry at tacos for existing and tasting so good. The first few days, I did not have this problem, and I was fine to be in the room with my family while they ate dinner and what not. But, lately, not so much. And, I'm depressed that all I can have is water, punch, and broth.

I have had 2 meltdowns at 7:45 pm. Evidently my hormones just run really high at a quarter to 8, lol... If anything happens close to 7:45pm, I just get set off and I start just crying. It generally lasts until 8. Just 15 minutes of semi-therapeutic crying. The first time, it was because the family got to eat tacos, and I could only have water, punch, or broth. The second time, it was because Ashley went to the zoo, and I stayed home. She wanted to tell me about her day but I had been home alone and bored all day, so I didn't want to hear about her awesome adventures at the zoo. And, before I knew it, I was just sitting there crying in despair. And, then at 8, it was done. The whole time it's happening, I'm thinking how ridiculous it is and how it's not going to solve anything or make me feel any better... But, I can't stop it so there it is. I think this must be the definition of hormones going crazy because it is just something I really have no control over...

Two things I have had that I don't know if they are related to the hormones or surgery or what not are: a metallic taste in my mouth- don't know what that's about, it happened yesterday all day and seems to be gone today, and really disturbing dreams one night- it was just an icky all over kind of dream in which I was very angry and totally not myself, it was a very creepy feeling in the morning. Like I said, I have no idea if either of these is/was related to the surgery at all...

But, I am pretty excited that I have not felt any remorse... Even through all this anger and depression at my current boring circumstances, I have not began a "What have I done to myself" period. I'm bored and frustrated with how much more time I have to spend on clear liquids. I have online friends who are released from the hospital with pureed foods and told to live their lives. I have a friend who had surgery same day and time as I did in another state and she has already been advanced to full liquids and will get to have pureed foods very soon. So, there is frustration there knowing that my surgeon's plan is a bit more drastic than some other surgeons' plans. But, I haven't cheated. And, I'm proud of that. i will be able to march in there on Monday and tell her I may not have gotten in all my water, and I may not have gotten enough protein, but I DIDN"T CHEAT! I stuck to the plan!!

Only 2 more things to go, lol...

This paragraph may be TMI, especially for those without uteri!!
Lovenox... Lovenox is a blood thinner that helps keep you from getting blood clots. In the hospital, I was given heparin (another blood thinner) shots every six hours. They are a little burny, and the first one BURNED SO BAD, because they had to put it in my arm. The rest were put in my abdomen, didn't hurt that much at all... So, I have been menstruating for almost 6 weeks. Blood thinners make that bleeding worse. In the first 4 weeks of bleeding, my iron levels went from 13.3 to 10.1 right before surgery. In the hospital, they dropped further to at least 8.6, maybe even lower, I didn't get the number for the last test I took. So, Dr. T gave me a 2 day break from the blood thinners in the hopes it would help with the bleeding and stave off the anemia a bit. She told me I had to walk a lot to prevent blood clots, but she felt I needed a break. I was supposed to start the Lovenox on Monday. I haven't done it. I have been doing a lot of walking to keep the blood clots away, but the bleeding is going down every day and I just can't wrap my brain around giving myself an injection that is going to make it get a lot worse again. At this point, I am more afraid of anemia than I am of a blood clot. That may be stupid, but there it is.

Because I know a lot of people on line who have had this surgery, I know that some surgeons choose not to use lovenox at all, some do it for a week, some for 2, some for a month... It seems to be a matter of personal preference. I don't think that skipping this medicine is going to hurt me, but please keep praying against blood clots anyway, because I just don't think I can bring myself to take this medication. I feel super guilty about it because I want to be 100% compliant with my doctor's wishes. I just can't bring myself to do it on this one item. From what I understand, the risk of a clot lowers every day that passes without one!

And, finally... I've saved what I think is the worst for last... But, the good news is this is a problem for any laproscopic surgery patient, not just one who had RNY (Gastric Bypass). To do the surgery, they blow up your abdomen like a balloon with gas. This makes it so they can look around in there and see what they are doing. At the end, they deflate it again, but residual gas is always left behind. For a lot of people, this presents as a stabbing type pain in the left shoulder. It's a gas pocket. In my case, it's especially activated when I hiccup or burp- two things that happen often after you have your digestive tract rerouted. It feels like being stabbed with a hot knife in the shoulder. It lasts about 30 seconds each time, and I'm assigning it a pain level number of 8 out of 10. I've had this pain since I became aware of my surroundings after surgery. It's always been an 8. But, at that time, my body's baseline was around a 6. A jump from 6 to 8 is not really that big of a deal. But, now that I'm healing quite well, my body's baseline pain number is a 0 (YAY), and the stabbing pain is still an 8. It's starting to really upset me, it's interfering with my sleep and my daytime activity. And, it's disheartening that the doctors say it is normal, could last any number of days (It's different for every person, I've heard from 4 days to 3 weeks), and there is nothing to be done about it. You just have to take your tylenol and hope it passes quickly in your case. (So I went back onto the tylenol today)

PLEASE PRAY FOR IT TO PASS!! It's horrible and I want it to be over! It's also messing with my emotions and amplifying my depression and irritation with my circumstances, which I know I have put myself into. I promise that I am wearing my big girl panties and doing my best to deal with it, but it would be so much easier to do that if I wasn't getting stabbed in the shoulder once an hour (or more) 24 hours a day!!

On a brighter note, I have been wearing my engagement ring for almost a week now, and I haven't been able to do that in over a year! I even managed to squeeze on my wedding ring with it for a moment and I think in a few days I'll be able to wear that one too!

Also, I have stepped on the scale 3 times since my surgery and seen the following numbers: 259.7 pounds, 255.1 pounds, and 252.2 pounds. Some people gain as much as 20 pounds in fluids in the hospital, so I'm very pleased that I have lost all the weight they pumped into me in the hospital and another 12 pounds on top of that since my surgery! Praise God for this amazing tool of deliverance He has brought into my life!!

I love you all!
Huggles!!
~Sarah~

p.s. I did have Ashley take a photo of my incisions. If you are the kind of person who would like to see that, let me know and I'll send it to you. You will be amazed at how small and uneventful they are!!