3-13-07

Mar 13, 2007

Okay, the very first thing I *must* do is to thank Debbie for updating my profile.  She ROCKS!!!  I get tears in my eyes every time I look at it!  Debbie, it looks absolutely amazing!  She is one of the July 2005 message board folks and is just a doll!  She offered to update my profile for me, and took all my ideas & put them together.  Didn't she do wonderful!  I am so pleased & stunned!  Debbie, you are amazing & consider myself lucky to have you in my life!

Wow, been too long since I posted anything.  Gosh, I remember posting weekly, or even daily there for awhile!  It's really important to me to keep this up now that I'm over a year out since all that stuff was so inspiring when I was a preop & first having surgery. Although I'm not sure how much encouragement I'll be.  While my life has changed, it certainly hasn't dramatically changed.    I guess I always was one to get out & live life and I'm still one to do that.  As much as finances & time will allow for of course!

One thing I'm not sure I've written about before is this elusive energy level that everyone seemed to get a HUGE boost of when they were post-op.  I'm almost 2 years out and am still waiting for it!  I get bummed if I dwell on it too much.  I guess I came to the conclusion that I'm just kind of normally a lazy-type person.  Not something I'm proud of but too lazy to do anything about!

Well there is a ton more things going on in my head, but I can't put them to words at the moment. It's all running around in there too fast!   Like I always say, I'll try to post more often & keep everyone in the loop.  The journey isn't over yet I'm afraid!  ;-)

11-17-06

Nov 16, 2006

I wake up this morning and am feeling just *tons* better. Thank goodness! I can tell that I have/had something going on, but it's not like it was yesterday at all. I figure I'm well enough to go to work. Especially since I didn't have to have my guts looked at. There's an unpleasant experience. I might have taken the day off had they ended up doing that. I figure that if I start feeling like it's coming back or under the weather then I'll make an appointment with the on call Dr. and they can send me for whatever tests they want. I think it's a good plan. :) As I'm getting ready for work, I notice I have a VM on my phone. Huh? I see who it is and it's the ER calling to check up on me and make sure I'm okay. How sweet is that?? I was so touched! It was too early to call them back, but I thought that was way cool. So anyway, (another overused phrase, I know! ) I get to work and it's pretty busy and I completely space calling my bariatric center and telling them what's going on. I called them yesterday between the Urgent Care & ER visit (and they were way cool and confirmed that I had Dr. Read's pager and made sure I would call if I needed *anything*), but they were closed by the time I was home from the ER. I meant to call them this morning but I got busy & spaced it. I felt really bad about that because they all care so much. They call me at around 11:00 and see how I'm doing. I tell them the above story (from yesterday) and my plan for today and they're very compassionate & understanding and tell me to take care and call if I need anything at all. She tells me that I'm family. Aww, that made me feel special. Work goes okay and I'm feeling fairly decent. Like I said, I can tell that something wasn't quite right, but I'm feeling so much better and I think the worst has passed. I am afraid to eat anything, though. I drank a lot today, and kept sneaking handfuls of M&M's (did I mention there is a dish right next to me?) but didn't eat anything else but that. I'm scared to! At 3:30 my baratric center calls me back and says that Dr. Read wants to see me first thing Monday morning. Apparantly some of the Dr.'s were supposed to call him back and they never did and he was not a happy camper about it. So I'm to go in Monday morning at 9:00am and be ready for a CT scan. Not positive I'll have one done, but I should be prepared for it. Bummer. :-( Oh, and by the way, I'm on full liquids all weekend. !!!! What a drag! We had taco night at home on Wednesday night (the last time I had anything real to eat) and there is a ton of leftovers I was looking forward to having. I am bummed. Oh well. Anyway, I'll write up what happens on Monday. Wish me luck!

Fitness:

I LOVE Fitday. www.fitday.com As anyone who knows me knows, I am *not* one to count my calories and measure my food. I just hate it and it makes me miserable when I do. Then I heard about Fitday, and signed right up! What an awesome site! I have my journal open to the public, so feel free to check it out! It has my journal (if I write one, that is!), what I have eaten that day, my activities (okay, I decided to not put *everything* in there anymore. I want to be able to update it at work and I can't with all the TMI! So you are off the hook Mom! ) and weight. It's pretty cool. Anyway, here is the link to see my stuff: http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Allecia13

11-16-06

Nov 15, 2006

I woke up at 2:00 this morning with a terrible pain in my gut. Right below where my pouch is, but above my belly button. Kind of right in the middle. I was able to sleep a bit, but it wasn't well and the pain was in my dreams. Anyway, I wake up early and decide to go to work early since I was up anyway. I figured the pain would lessen as I moved around. Well, you guessed it, it didn't. Now normally I would wait something like that out as it wasn't accompanied by much else in the way of symptoms but I was scared since it's gut pain and I've had the surgery. I am so freaking paranoid and scared about getting an obstruction. Anyway, I felt I had to go to work since my coworker took today & tomorrow off and I didn't want to let her down or have her feel like she couldn't depend on me. I used to work with someone who would call in sick every time (well, not *every* time obviously) I was on vacation. It got to the point where I felt like I couldn't take any time off! I don't want my coworker to feel that way *at all*. Especially since she has been so great to me. I know that nobody knows my job stuff (since this site isn't about that) but I recently moved to a new area and it's a *very* busy area. So it was cool that my coworker (who has been there for quite some time) was able to take off some much needed and well deserved time off. So I was worried that she would feel like she couldn't ever take time off if I called in the first time she was finally able to leave. Anyway, all that to say that yes, I did go to work and hoped to tough it out. Like I said, I didn't think it was an emergency since I had no other symptoms, but it was still scary to have that much pain. I finally call my bariatric center and ask them what I should try. I had to leave a message. Then I call back about an hour later and tell them that the pain is bad & what should I do? I don't know what I expected. Well, that's not exactly true. I was hoping they could either see me or have me describe what was going on with me and a light bulb would go off and they would say, "Yes, I know exactly what that is. Here is what you do to fix it. ______" Well that obviously didn't happen. ;-) I know, I know it was a pipe dream. :-) So they suggest I go to the emergency room where they have more leeway in what they can do to treat & diagnos me. I'm like, no way. It's not that bad and besides, do you know how expensive the emergency room is? Now if I was *truly* in jeopardy then I would haul ass there, but I didn't really think it was *that* bad. Just bad enough I wanted them to figure it out. So they suggest I call my PCP so I said I would do that. Unfortunately, she is out of the office until the 27th. So the on call Dr. has his nurse call me and get my symptoms & stuff. She talks to the Dr. who says I need to go to Urgent Care where they have more ability to diagnose & test & get the results faster than they do. So I decide to go there. I had to leave work early, but I was having trouble concentrating and focusing on anything except urgent stuff. So I left just a couple of hours early. I feel pretty good that I stuck it out that long. And my supervisor is way awesome. She was super, super supportive of whatever I decided to do. Of course she thinks I should have gone right away, but I wanted to try to do the right thing. Anyway, off I go. I work in a different town than I live in, so I decided to go to the Urgent Care in the town I live. My surgery was in the town I work in (the 2 towns are only about a 20 minute drive from each other) but I wanted to go home first and pick up DH. So off we go to Urgent Care. Once I check in they have a nurse come out and check me out real quick to make sure I was healthy enough to go through the hour-plus long wait. I thought that was pretty cool that they would do that. My temp was slightly elevated but other than that, I was fine (except for the pain of course). So we wait and get to the room where the Dr. starts checking me out. He palpated my abdomen and he did it *hard*! Ouch! The pain seemed to be too low for stomach/pouch issues, and too high for intestinal issues. Too much in the middle for appendicitis, and no pain in my kidneys for anything of that nature. I have been having normal bowel movements (sorry folks!) and it doesn't hurt to pee (I had to answer those 2 questions *so many* times today!). I'm not nauseous nor am I vomiting. So the Dr. is stumped. Oh, and all this time I am telling everybody and their dog that I have had Roux en Y Gastric Bypass surgery and who my surgeon is. So there was no question in *anyone's* mind about that. So the Dr. is stumped (darn it!) and he wants to do a CT scan. But he wanted to talk to my surgeon first to make sure they do all the right kinds of scans or whatever. But Dr. Read is in surgery so they can't get ahold of him. So, they take some blood & urine and send me on my way telling me they will call me as soon as they hear from Dr. Read. Now all this time I haven't really had hardly anything to eat and maybe 2 oz to drink. (There is a candy dish right next to me that I keep grabbing M&M's out of.) So that's all I've had. When I get home, I'm all depressed and feeling yucky so I have a few more M&M's and a couple of cashews. Well, DH is off getting my vicadin Rx (I forgot to have them give me a liquid) and sends me a text about something or other. Anyway, as soon as I get that text, my phone beeps that I have a VM. So I check it and I had gotten it about a half-hour before! Stupid freaking phone! :-( I was *not* happy about that! We have *terrible* service where I live. We think it's due to the big power lines that are right across the street. Our cells are our only phones now, so it sucks that we have crappy reception where we live. Anyway, sorry to get off on a rant there. So I get the VM and it's Urgent Care and they tell me to call them back right away. I call them back and they told me they heard from my surgeon and he wants me to get a CT scan. They ask me if I've had anything to eat. I'm like, yeah, I had a few M&M's and some cashews and they're like "No, you said you oculdn't eat anything!" I'm like, "I didn't know I wasn't *supposed* to eat. I was just kind of let go so I figured I was on my own..." So they're like you have to go to ER now to get the scan and I got all confused like if I hadn't eaten anything could I have had it somewhere else? It seems to me that the only one is in the ER. So with my phone having such sh**y reception, I am under the impression that I have to go to the ER to get it done because I had eaten some cashews? I'm still confused about all that. And I don't *want* to go to the ER because -like I said- it's expensive and I don't think this is that much of an emergency. So I'm kinda freaking about it a bit and scared that I did a big, bad NO-NO. Anyway, I had to wait for DH to get back with my Vicadin so I tell him the story and we pack up the family (who knows how long we'll be gone) and off we go again. By this time I was in my jammies and just kind of stayed in them. I figure I'll have to get undressed anyway. So we get to the ER & check in and I find out that their CT scanner is about to go down for maintenance. So they rush me through check in, I do the quick-change into their lovely gowns (completely NAKID which I hated. But the good news is the gowns are *big* on me now, WOO HOO!) and hop in the bed. They rush through everything to get me down there and just as we're about to leave, they get the call saying the machine is down. And everything just stops. Just like you see in the movies. It was actually kind of comical. Well, it would have been if it hadn't been happening to me. So the ER Dr. comes and talks to me and tells me the bad news and just kind of stands there for a second, not sure what to say. I think he was afraid to tell me that we could go home now. Anyway, he tells me that my bloodwork & Urinalysis all comes back normal, I'm not nauseated or vomiting (BTW, it's interesting that both the Urgent Care Dr. and the ER Dr. think that it's not possible for me to vomit. Weird, huh?) and all my stats are fine. My belly is not distended like there was a kink & air might be trapped or anything. All I'm having is the pain. So he felt okay letting me go home. Otherwise they would have sent me to another town to have it done. He suggests I do clear liquids for the rest of the evening and to drink peppermint tea. Apparently it's being proven the benefits of peppermint. I thought that was kinda neat. I *love* all that herbal healing stuff. :-) So, we pack back up and leave. I was there less than an hour. Probably close to half an hour! They really rushed to get me in there. They even mention as we're getting signed out that since they didn't get to do the scan that there was no charge. We were telling them that Urgent Care sent us there to get a CT scan, so I would have argued if they tried to charge. But it ended up being a moot point anyway. They did tell me that the scanner would be back up after 9:00 and if I was still having pain to come back and get the scan. After we got home, I actually started feeling better. I was afraid to trust it (I was hurting pretty good in the hospital) but I actually was hurting less. I made myself some tea and started drinking it and it was going down pretty well. So I drank more and more and I was hurting less and less. What a RELIEF!!! Of course now I'm feeling completey foolish for making such a big deal about it. But I never wanted it to get this out of hand. I just wanted some advice on how to help the pain! Anyway (yikes, I've completely overused *that* word today!) I start feeling better and better and we decide to go to bed early.

11-11-06

Nov 10, 2006

I wish I would keep this updated better as there is always lots to say, but I just get so busy that I just don't. I'm sorry. But I think about it a lot. Especially for those new folks who read this. I remember how much I wanted to read about what it was like being farther out and how the diaries kind of waned as they got farther out. I don't want to do that, but it's inevitable I guess. It sure feels weird being this far out, though. Like what's next? I've been so focused on this for so long, what's going to take its place? weird.

Anyway, today is Veteran's Day. My town has one of the biggest parades in the nation, and I always want to go to, but my tired apathy (or work) usually gets in the way. Well, not today! I woke up around 8:00am and layed in bed for a bit and DH said if we wanted to go, we should get ready. And I was like, okay! So we got all ready & headed out. DS got up really good & got his camo stuff on from his halloween costume. We found a great parking spot and got a great seat. It was so neat. When the flag came around to start the parade, I was really moved. Everyone stood up w/hands on hearts. It was great. I got teary eyed I was so moved. I was so happy to be there watching the parade. Too bad it ended up getting super cold and super rainy. I had my ozzy coat & hat on and several layers but DH & DS weren't as lucky. They didn't have as much water proof stuff as I did. Poor DS *really* got cold. It wasn't so much the cold but the rain that made us wet and then it made all of our layers wet & then we just froze. DS was not happy at all, but was a real trooper. He was shivering & crying and so cold. My poor baby. But he wasn't complaining & whining and making a huge stink. That was a huge accomplishment I thought! He has many times in the past when he was unhappy made everyone else unhappy. He didn't do that at all today and I was super proud of him. We ended up leaving early because I was so cold (and had to PEE like a racehorse! ) But we were there for almost 3 hours so I didn't feel bad about leaving. I'm glad we went and so proud of our Veterans. I was so moved by the whole thing. I remember as a kid getting so angry at how our vietnam veterans were treated. I remember going out of my way to talk about how proud I was of all of them and everything. I was so angry that folks would take it out on our troops. Now I realize that most of the information we got as kids was colored, but I didn't care. I wanted everyone to know that being a veteran was something to we as Americans should be proud of. It's so gratifiying to see that happening now. So I was very moved by the parade and all it meant for me personally. Not to mention all the memories of marching in it myself. I loved seeing the bands walk by. Oh, DS noticed something. I was really looking forward to seeing the horses (naturally!), DH was really looking forward to seeing the jets fly by and DS really wanted to see a tank. Well, I got to see some horses (yippee!) and DS was so stoked when some tanks thundered by. Then the jets flew over and DH was a happy camper! DS was like, "Look, we all got to see what we really wanted to see today." That was neat he noticed that.

Now DH put in his Veterans Day movie (We Were Soldiers) and him and DS are watching it together. Makes me so warm & fuzzy when they do stuff like that. I am happy today and it feels good.

10-24-06

Oct 23, 2006

OMG, OMG, OMG, I'm in the OH magazine!!! I hadn't heard anything at all, and never got a message or a magazine so I figured they changed their mind. I got a message from someone on the July 2005 board (I love you guys!!! *muah*) congratulating me and I had to look at the message to figure out why! He gets a subscription (I wish I did) and saw me in there. WOO HOO!! What a trip! I hope I get one, too. I would love to see the actual copy. I sent Samaritan Bariatric a message letting them know I was in the magazine and they worked on getting a copy (they have a subscription but haven't been getting them for some reason). It was so cute how proud they were of me and excited for me! :-D I am so blown away!! I totally don't feel like I deserve it, though. There are so many people who have been through so much more than me. But I am grateful to be there all the same. Thank you OH for everything! And thank you to my buddies on the July 2005 OH board for being so wonderful. And thank you *so much* to my surgical program. They are some wonderful, caring, compassionate folks and I am so priveleged to live in this area and have had my surgery through them.

Wow, my mind is still boggling...

10-9-06

Oct 08, 2006

I wish I had more time to just write everything out here that's going on. But time is in short commodity these days and I have to write when I can. It's so cathartic to write; I always feel better after I update my profile. Weird, huh? :-)

Let's see, I'm still struggling with the chocolate. I wish I knew what was going on with that. When I wrote my previous post, I was in the throes of a montly visitor and when that was over, a lot (not all, but a lot) of the urgency went away. But let me tell ya I *panic* if I run out, or am close to running out. It's all so in my head. I'm addicted and it sucks. I just wish I could face it. But *damn* do I get in a bad freaking mood when I need/crave a fix! Holy crap this sucks. :-( Oh well, I'll figure it out. It'll just take time. What a drag. I can't believe that I was off all that for a whole year, and now I'm back to eating it. What was I *thinking*? Ugh.

So my 20 year high school reunion is next summer. I got an email from someone on classmates stating that our class president had started up a yahoogroup. What a great idea! I can't believe no-one else has thought of that! Anway, for those of you who have read this far, you probably realize that high school wasn't "the best years of my life". Not by a looong freaking shot! It was horrible and the only good thing that came of it was my husband and a love of the theater. (Well, I'm sure there was more but I can't think of any at the moment! ) So anyway, I figure what the heck, I'll join the reunion/class of 87 group. It might be a lark, and we're all much older & wiser now so I'm *sure* it'll be different. Hah, whatever! Okay, that was a little harsh, but the few things I posted have gone mostly unacknowledged. Just like in high school. I'm not sure I want to put myself through all that. So I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I wonder if all this is just in my head and how I felt in high school is coming out through this. I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole-hill. But it made me feel crappy, so why continue to try to be a part of the group? So I struggle with that. I was such a non-entity (and anti-popular) in high school. I have absolutely no desire to put myself through that ever, ever again. I have lots of friends who love me & lift me up and keep me going. I don't need anything that will take me away from that. But it's weird how we (okay, me!) crave that acceptance we never got in high school. Why do I give a rats ass, I ask you? Something for a physchiatrist to answer I'm sure!

I got a lovely e-mail from a friend that I have recently gotten in touch with again. She was checking up on me & reading my profile (so sweet!) and she wrote about my last post on here. She was concerned by what she read and wanted to write. I was touched and it really helped. I thought that was so nice. It's hard to feel so alone. Especially now that I'm at what most would consider 'normal'. Although I don't think I'll feel that way until I'm at 160 or lower. But there's a whole 'nother topic!

Oh, and I've gotten in touch with someone else recently. My best friend from jr. high & high school! We kept in touch for quite a few years after school, and then kind of slowly lost touch. I found her again, and we are making plans to hook up. I'm so freaking excited about that! If she only knew how I've worried about her over the years.

Let's see, I think there were a few other things I wanted to talk about, but I guess I'll save it for another day. It's bedtime and I'm sleepy. Thanks for listening/reading!

9-23-06

Sep 22, 2006

I have an addiction and it is consuming me. I don't know why it started now, when it hadn't in the last year, but I am having a terrible time controlling it. It's chocolate. I keep it in my purse and at my desk at work. I hide it from my family. I buy it on the sly. I am mortified that I can't control this. What am I doing to myself? Why is this happening? Why now and not in the last 14 months? I don't have issues. Good grief I've never had any issues. My phych eval was pretty much perfect! I do a damn good job at hiding from myself. I am so scared...

I've been feeling kinda low & down lately. My job changed (*lots* of issues with that) and just a bunch of stuff. But I've been thinking and reading profiles and I'm wondering if I'm going through something now that my weight has stabalized (for the most part). The last few pounds I have left to lose probably won't be noticed, so I am pretty much where I'm going to be. And is that scary? Does it bother me that I'm 'normal' now and not special? I'll meet people now who never knew me as fat. I'll just seem like everyone else and life goes on its merry way. I know that I was looking forward to that point; where my life isn't about my weight & weight loss, but what am I going to do now? What does that leave me with? The weight loss has been so consuming for so long, that I'm wondering if I'm feeling a little lost without it? I know I have TONS of other interests & stuff, but this journey has been so personal. No hobby is as personal as weight loss. It gets into your head & feeds into all kinds of emotional things.

I'm scared about maintaining. I've never maintained in my life. The scale was either always going up or down. What if I can't do it? What if this last year has been a waste? I feel like now that I'm here, it's only going to last a moment. Like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and be fat again. I'm kind of a wreck right now; I wonder why?

I weigh 173. Been that ave weight for quite some time now. Although I weighed 168 for one whole day. :-) That was strange seeing the 160's!

Well it's almost 2:00am and I need to get off of here. I hope I write more later. I hate to drop a bomb shell like all that and just leave; but it's not like anything is resolved. so I guess I'll leave you all in the lurch just like I am. What a strange thing this life is sometimes.

8-31-06

Aug 30, 2006

have been drinking a lot of tea lately. It's one way to get my water in; which still proves to be hard sometimes. Anyway, I found this great website (http://www.adagio.com) and they have a coupon that I can add to my blog for five bucks off! Their tea is fantastic, so I thought I would add the coupon & see if it works. Ya'll can get some free tea. :-) I don't have much experience with HTML, so we'll see if it works. I am not affiliated with this place whatsoever except as a customer. I've tried one tea so far and it was AMAZING! (Wild Strawberry; yum!) Their samples are way cheap, so I ordered a bunch. I'll be re-ordering let me tell ya! Anyway, I hope you like. :-) Here is a link to their site: Adagio Tea

Going through a lot right now that I would love to write about, but it'll have to wait til I have more time. Thank you to all who have written me and found my story inspiring. You keep me going and lift me up! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. {{{HUGS}}}

7-19-06

Jul 18, 2006

It's been a year. Oh my goodness I can't believe it's been a year already. I have so much to say; so much inside I want to get out. Bear with me as this will probably take a few days to do. I'm going to start out by posting my pictures. Simply amazing. I swear I don't hardly recognize myself anymore. I used to scoff at people who would say that. I mean come on! But here I am saying it too.

I'll start just writing stuff down as it comes to me, so it may seem pretty random & scattered for awhile. (I'm sure I will clean it up as I find the time.) But I don't want that to stop me from posting my thoughts & feelings. So good luck if you decide to muck through my randomness! ;-)

I guess I should start out with some stats. (I'll get my measurements later.) I started out weighing 360 pounds. I now weigh 173 pounds. I was wearing TIGHT size 30 jeans. I now wear (tight in a GOOD way! ;-) size 12 jeans. (And I have a skirt & pair of capris that are size 11!!) My shirts were size 4X. Now I wear mediums or larges.

I am anal about a few things on my program. I don't drink for 60 minutes after eat. I am religious about taking all of my vitamins. My bloodwork has always come back great. I make *sure* to get in at least 64oz of water each day. I have had no complications so far(I have been very blessed). I try to eat only 3 meals a day that are protein & veggie based. (I'm only human so I mess that up from time to time.) I also chew my food to oblivion (as my surgeon says). I've learned (the hard way!) to take smaller bites. It was hard at first as I like my mouth to be full & chewing, but that doesn't work very well (even though I chew well) so I'm working on smaller bites again.

When I started this process I had sleep apnea that I was on a Cpap for. I had Acid Reflux & a weird stomach problem (that's hard to explain) that I was on medication for. I had irritable bowel syndrome. - If anyone has that, my sympathies are completely with you. Nothing is more miserable or more humiliating than having that urgent need to find a bathroom. And planning trips & routes to know where all the bathrooms are. What a miserable way to live. - I also had a weird asthma thing going on that I was on 2 medications for. Guess what?? IT'S ALL GONE!!! Every last bit of it! I am off ALL MY MEDS! No more CPAP, no more taking pills all the time. WOO HOO!

One thing I did manage to get was a horrible case of acne. !!! I have it worse now than when I was an adolescent! Oh well! I also get these weird stomach pains (that I told my surgeon about) on my right side under my ribs that gets relieved if I pass gas or belch. How unladylike! Weird. My surgeon says we'll keep and eye on it & if it gets worse or I don't like living with it then we'll start investigating. Since I can get relief from it, I'm not worried at this time. I've also gotten sick (as in throwing up) from time to time. It's not often, though. But there are times when I've eaten too much sugar and up it comes! Ugh! It takes more than I'd like for me to dump, but I'm ever so grateful that I dump at all. I'm such a sugar addict, that it scares me if I wouldn't dump whatsoever. I'll also make myself feel awful (it usually lasts about 45 minutes) once in awhile because I ate too much. Not enough to throw up but enough to feel like hell for awhile! Will I ever learn? You bet I will! This surgery has left me with such a feeling of empowerment. Food had *such* a hold over me. I was wonder & worry & stress & look forward to whatever my next meal was going to be. I would get anxious if there were long delays & if my plans didn't come to fruition. I was a slave to it! That feeling is now GONE!!! And oh MAN is it ever freeing. I am free from hunger. I am in control, not my body or food. What a rush! I still fall for the shackles from time to time, but I know that food can't hold me down & make me a slave anymore. I can't even begin to describe how liberating that is, or how shocking that realization was to me. I would have never thought in a million years that this would happen. I am so grateful.

Binging has taken on a new meaning now. I'll get a taco & burrito and eat half of each and I'm stuffed to the gills! Man, I used to get like 8 things at Taco Bell and eat them all. I can't *imagine* doing that now. This surgery has really changed how I look at portions. Thank goodness, eh? :-)

As far as fitness goes, I'm not where I would like to be. I've lost a lot of muscle and strength. I figure the first year was my year to lose the weight and this next year will be to get fit. One thing at a time I guess. ;-) We got some exersize equipment this spring. I know DH is bummed I'm not using it much, but I really wanted to have it for the fall/winter/spring (those who live in the Northwest know what I mean! ). I also think I overwhelmed myself with telling myself I *had* to do 20 minutes on the elliptical. 20 minutes is HARD. I'm going to start out a bit less and I bet it'll be easier to talk myself in to doing it. And make no mistake, I will have to talk myself in to it. I sorely with I was one of those people who looked forward to excersize, but yuck. It's just something I need to do. Oh well, I'll get there. I need to work my gluts (my butt) really bad because it hurts to sit on my tail bone! My butt also is saggy & I keep sitting on a folded piece of skin. Ouch! (And gross!)

And for the segue...

Can't be a year out and not talk about plastic surgery! As in YES I will be getting it! Not any time soon however. Gotta get DH through school first. But the lose skin is unsightly. I absolutely hate it. I look decent enough dressed but when I see myself naked, ewww! I feel just as fat as I did before. The worst part is my stomach & chest. The girls are GONE. And I wasn't big up top to begin with! So a boob job is in my future. I'll be getting them fixed & put where they belong (they do *not* belong on top of my belly button! ) and enhanced. I went from a C cup to a B cup. And I think I have the frame to easily support a nice big D, so that's what I'm going to do (when I can). I can't wait! ;-) I also want a tummy tuck. Ugh, I *hate* looking at my stomach. It's all wrinkly & gross. I can't imagine looking down & not seeing a bunch of stuff there. I hate how my skin hangs over my hip bones. That bothers me a lot. My arms aren't completely horrible, but enough that I can't wear some clothing. So when I get my chest done, I'll probably have those done at the same time. My legs are also not horribly terrible, but it bothers me, so I imagine I'll get those done as well. My back end fell by quite a few inches ;-) so if I can't excersize that out, I'll have that done, too. Not all of this at once of course! I'm sure it will take at least 3 surgeries. Which doesn't really bother me. I know a lot of folks hate having surgery & will never do it again (voluntarily) but I want to finally be comfortable in my skin. I've never had that and I figure I've earned it.

Now let's talk about the fun stuff that everyone is waiting for. ;-) Stuff I can do now that I couldn't before. This is the list that will probably get added to a lot as I think of more things.

1. I can cross my legs again. I don't *ever* remember crossing my legs, much less when I lost that ability. Now I cna't seem to sit without crossing them!

2. Sitting in a booth. I lost this ability not too long before my surgery. Maybe a year or so. How humiliating. Now DH & I ask for a booth so we can snuggle up together. :-D

3. To be added to as I think of more...

7-15-06

Jul 14, 2006

DS had his birthday party with his friends today. What a success it was! It was everything he had been hoping for. He had a pool/squirt-gun party. It was so cute watching them play around and run around the house with their squirt guns. :-) I'm glad he finally had a successful birthday party. And the funny part is he organized the whole thing. He invited everyone, he wrote up the invitations, he made the phone calls, and he set eerything up. And it was way more successful than anything DH & I have ever been able to manage! He's such a little socialite. ;-)

One thing I learnd about myself, though. We had made cupcakes for this party, and more kids showed up than we thought. So when it was time to pass out the cupcakes (we had all the kids decorate their own; it was so funny watching them get all messy!) every kid was going to get 2. That did not leave any left over. When I realized this, I was crushed. CRUSHED I tell you. What the heck? I was so dissappointed that I wasn't going to get a freaking cupcake. And they weren't even all that good! It was an interesting realization for sure. Stuff to always watch out for. I do NOT want to be shackled by food anymore...

About Me
OR
Location
25.5
BMI
RNY
Surgery
07/19/2005
Surgery Date
Feb 25, 2005
Member Since

Before & After
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This is me before surgery
360lbs

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