100 top 10 things I wish I'd known before surgery

May 28, 2017

I'll be updating this entry with new and wonderful observations as time progresses.

  1. Peeing is very difficult after anesthesia. Not being able to pee independently after surgery is grounds for being kept a 2nd day (which just happened to be what I wanted but not so for everyone). Moral of this story... drink your bloody 2L of water the day before surgery AND the 2 cups they want you to finish before you leave for the hospital.
  2. Be a woose! I lost 1.5 days to pain I didn't need to experience (read Pain is for Stupid People).
  3. Having a Blender Ball with the metal 'whisk' is awesome however leaving it on a wobbly table while typing your blog entries will drive you bonkers because you'll not be able to identify what the b-jeebers that #$!E noise is.
  4. Sleeping - I am getting lots of sleep in two hour increments. I'm up for two hours to take medications (and when you're attempting to injest crushed pills it does take two hours) two hours to sleep, two hours to consume your vitamins, water-like substances (still prefer the Jello) and protein, two hours of sleep, and the cycle begins again.
  5. The waking hours get longer not the sleeping (so far at day 5)
  6. When asking one's significant other to please feed your new Jello habit by going to the store to buy more powder, you must clarify that it has to be sugar-free to avoid disappointment.
  7. Cats are very sensitive people and want to comfort their slaves when they are in pain... do not pick the wee beasty up... if s/he comes crawling onto you gently guide the paws to the correct position for the desired result... be it so you can continue resting comfortably or if you prefer, screaming your bloody head off
  8. Your voice with be hoarse for an indeterminant time... not hurting or cracking just hoarse - I suppose that's what happens when a garden hose is shoved down your throat to places a garden hose has no business being.
  9. Oh, for crushing your pills. I strongly recommend a mortar and pestle, however two things to consider - is it smooth? or pitted like mine which prolongs the inevitable taking of said crushed bombs of ass? 2ndly is the bloody rim wide enough to actually fit your bloody hand inside to scrape the bits from the pits? And the 2nd 2ndly I recommend it be made of some material other than marble... oh, look I have a pretty marble dustable mortar and pestle set... but damn it to hell, I can't lift the bloody thing to use it!
  10. Shot glasses. I bought my first even shot glasses (chose 2.75 ounce size). They are great at reminding you to dip your tongue into your liquid to drink it like our cats might. Or maybe even take tiny sips. HOWEVER if one has the shot glasses it helps even more to use the suckers! I warmed a cup of broth in a mug and proceeded to gulp it, per normal and... wait for the drama... it fucking hurt! (sorry to disappoint it did not come flying out my nose however I am sure that special trick is still to come)
  11. Water. Plain water sucks, it is boring. It is preferable to artificially sweetened flavorings after the surgery... this might be my taste buds only but the aftertaste is nasty.
  12. Water. Bottle vs shot glass... see point 10, however still no squirting out my nose.
  13. Wedge pillow. I bought a wedge pillow from Shoppers Drug mart years ago (and thought the price was outrageous) I am glad for it now. I am resting and sleeping very comfortably with it under my back/head. I was a flip/flop type sleeper - pressure points would hurt so have to change position through out the night. For now, I'm out, don't move a muscle until I wake up, still on my back. (granted it is only 2 hrs later).
  14. The 'wash' they put all over your belly to sanitize you before they start slicing and dicing leaves your otherwise white girl skin a nice shade of blush. This particular shade is enough to cause a major momentary freak out when you look in the mirror at your incisions... OMG I must have bled a lot, I must be having a reaction to the gas they pumped into my guts. Just sayin'
  15. Journaling. I had everything ready to start journaling my food, water, protein, vitamins and whatever once the recovery stage was over. WRONG, start journaling immediately. I have found it very necessary to keep track of my medications, my pain levels, my blood sugar levels, etc. This has saved my ass from taking too much or not enough pain medication. Besides it is one of the very basics of WLS - to succeed you MUST journal. "yeah, but that's for folks who aren't as motivated as me to succeed" - BULLSHIT. I call bullshit on that one.
  16. Even when blogging, stop to take your medication otherwise you'll regret it (see blog post 'Pain is for stupid people').

And so concludes the list thus far.


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Surgery Date
Oct 30, 2016
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