OT - Financial troubles getting to me

Jan 18, 2012

I realize that this is as OT as it can get for OH but it's something that's affecting me terribly right now and endangering all my relationships, which MIGHT drive me to bad food for comfort and thus, weight gain. So...as you can see, I managed to make the connection! LOL 
Here is the short version of the story: Greece (where I live) is undergoing the worst economic crisis since WWII. People are out of jobs, businesses are closing, food lines are forming. Hubby underwent a substantial pay cut. My disability pension hasn't been effected - yet - but who knows? Banks are clamoring for their payments, money is scarce to non-existent, even essentials, like power, heat and yes-food are endangered. This is not a general assessement. I am living it RIGHT NOW!! I have cooked what might be our last meal, because once it's gone there is NOTHING - at least until I get my pension, which may be Friday or may be Monday. Hubby and I are fighting all the time about stupid things, my brother is angry at me for who knows what, sister is in worse shape than I am, MIL decreed she will stop helping hubby.
With all this going on, HOW am I supposed to focus on weight loss? (which may come anyway... no food, no gain!!)
Sorry, I had to vent. 


New Year and FINALLY not obese!!

Jan 05, 2012

Happy 2012!! And here is some good news - I am no longer OBESE! Yea, it's been a long time coming, I know. I'm still OVERWEIGHT though, so you are not getting rid of me that easily! LOL All this according to this site's BMI calculations. It has taken me TWO YEARS to get to this point but considering that everyone (including my surgeon) discouraged me from hoping I'd EVER get here, I suppose I should be delighted! 
A word for newbies: NEVER GIVE UP. This is our chance to join the world of NORMALS, something most of us have only dreamt about. No matter how long it takes, no matter how others think, this is YOUR battle, YOUR body and YOUR life. 

BIG mistake!

Dec 07, 2011

I was really desperate. I haven't been losing weight and I've been wondering why. I've been counting every carb since I've been on a low-carb-Atkins style kick (which I like BTW) and I was losing VERY SLOWLY.

The slow rate of loss was confusing me. What was I doing wrong?
Maybe here I should mention to my defense that I have serious sight problems. I got eye surgery to correct my severe near sightedness in October which did a good job but brought to the surface another problem I didn't know I have. I'm now very far-sighted.

Anyway, I finally (with a little help because the print is tiny) was able to read the ingredients of my sweetner - I only use it in my coffee- and did some research on it online. What a terrible mistake! My sweetner contained maltodextrin which is made from carbs!! It also can purpotedly cause cancer.

I threw it out. I'd rather not drink coffee than use that stuff!

I'm now starting over. Minus the coffee. Pray for me that I'll do it right this time.

My second September

Sep 16, 2011

Here it is again, September. And this is my second September since my VSG. September always makes me feel a little sad because it reminds me that winter is ahead. Hubby is back to work since schools opened and I'm mostly alone again, trying to fend for myself.
What does all that have to do with weight loss? Nothing. Except that I was  secretly hoping that I'd be normal weight by now and I'm not. I weighed at 81 kg this morning, which is a far cry from the 130 I started with but still 11 away from goal.
People who know me tell me not to worry that even if I stay where I am I'm good, but I do worry. Perhaps because it brings to mind all the times that I ALMOST reached my goal by dieting (pre-WLS) only to gain everything back and more. *Sigh.
I'm hoping fervently that this time it will be different.
So, I'm now digging in for the long winter ahead and hope this will be a better year.

Leaving on vacation!

Jul 19, 2011

It's been a long and difficult year and I'm ready for vacation. Weight-wise I'm about 40 lbs lighter than last summer and 103 lbs lighter than the year before. Since we are going to the same place we go to every year for the past 6-7 years I do expect some comments, although I still do feel uncomfortable around comments. Perhaps it's because I haven't reached my goal weight yet, which is about 30 lbs away so I still feel obese.
It's a slow process for me, which is frustating, but at least I'm heading in the right direction!
I have learned some valuable lessons this past year and I hope I remember them during vacation. The most important thing I've learned is that carbs are POISON to me! Not just white carbs, but ANY type of carbs except maybe leafy, green salads. Also, the fact that I CAN'T exercise I'm sure slows down my loss. There is very little I can do about that last part.
If you've been reading my blogs you'll know that I TRIED earlier on this year, but an MS attack, plus my brother's and husband's unwillngness to continue taking me for walks put an end to that. I'm hoping that swimming now will start up again my lazy metabolism.
Have a nice summer!


Out of the hole... hopefully at last!!

Jun 12, 2011

It's the13th of June already! This time I know where the time went though. It went mostly on me trying to break the stall and getting back into a losing mode. I tried all sorts of things and nothing worked. I was ready to give up.
Then, my forum leader posted a challenge. She had put on some weight from going back to college in the past 3 or so months and wanted to lose it. I followed her lead.
The diet she was doing was an Atkins-type diet, and since I was already looking into it, it was an opportunity. To make a long story short, I'm now concentrating on protein, avoiding carbs (except a few salads) almost completely and the best part is I'm losing again!!
I'm not hungry, quite often I can't even have dinner and I feel well (or as good as it's ever going to get for an MSer). I lost 1 kg in the last week and I'm going strong. I intend to continue this for the rest of the summer, if not for the rest of my life!!

The long wait...

May 16, 2011

Is it May 16th already? Where did the time go?? I apologize that I haven't kept up with my blog lately but I didn't really feel like posting. The reason is that my weight loss for the past 3-4 months has slowed to a crawl, or even to a complete stop. I am 16 months post-op now and just can't seem to break the stall. For those reading my blogs for the first time, let me update you a sec. Surgery weight: 130kg. Present weight: 87.3 Goal weight: 70 (per my doc). VSG surgery performed 26 Jan. 2010. Age: 55, other problems: disabled by MS.
What is responsible for my stall and more importantly... am I in danger of gaining again? These are questions that keep buzzying around in my head constantly and they are driving me nuts. While it's true that towards the end of the 1st surgery year I had grown a bit lax in my eating regimen, it's also true that for the past couple of months I have tried to clamp down on myself again. On the other hand, MS has raised its ugly head again and I'm back on all the meds I was taking pre-op.... the ones that had contributed to my obesity in the first place. So I've been seesawing up and down a couple of kilos for months now *sigh
Unfortunately, summer is coming - the season we live for here, in Greece. I so wanted to be down to my goal weight this year so I could enjoy the beach for a change instead of hiding. Right now, it doesn't look like my wish will come true. Sure, I'm waaaay better than I was last year, but still no cigar. It's frustrating.

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The Glint in Their Eyes

Apr 02, 2011

Only 18 kg to go until I reach doc's goal (which sounds MUCH worse in lbs - about 35-40!) and I've been noticing some strange reactions, some good some bad. The bad is from my BIL's, both of whom are convinced I'll gain everything back (jerks!). I don't know what gives them that idea. First off, I'd rather die than regain even a couple of kilos, and second, I don't think my stomach fits enough food to lead to regain. Oh, who pays attention to those nincompoops!!

Let's get to the good. The good is the glint in men's eyes. LOL Now, I'm not young any more but I guess a woman never forgets how to interpret men's reactions to her, it's like radar, and I can see a marked change in the way men (strange men, unknown to me) look at me. Where I used to get looks of pity when men saw me - with all my hugeness plus the walking aids - I now get looks of admiration, even laced with a firting mood. I'm not available, of course. I'm happy with my DH and not interested, but it does do a soul good to sense that she is still liked.

Now for some vital info and statistics. I haven't posted for a while because I've been battling some bad MS problems, even after my hospital stay and the corticosteroids. My feet still feel numb and so does my right hand. I wake up with migraines every morning. I was quite depressed about the whole situation, which apropos, seemed to have stalled my weight loss for about a month. Then I said "no more!" and for the past few days I started taking my proteins again and clamped down on my food intake. The result: the scale started moving again and I lost 1.5 kg. I'm hoping to reach goal by vacation time this summer. Pray for me!

Taking the Philosophical View

Feb 24, 2011

Things have gone a bit haywire lately. It started with pain in my arm. Soon, my arm was painfully locked in a shut position. My legs felt heavy and immovable. Then, my sight suddenly dropped in acuity by several points. It didn't take me long to realize that I was once again in the throes of an MS relapse.
I have been lucky for a full year, no MS attacks while I've been losing the bulk of my weight surplus. I guess it was way overdue. Of course, I landed in the hospital with a corticosteroid IV in my arm and fear of what the drug would do to my weight loss effort. Again, I was lucky. I didn't gain weight, in fact I lost a bit. The MRI showed that although I had a symptoms reprieve, things were not quiet in the brain front and deeper lesions are present. On well, I never expected WLS to cure my MS!
The hospital doctors now want to start me on one of the MS drugs, one of which I tried in the past but had reacted badly to it. I'm not sure I want it. None of the MS drugs are a cure. I'm supposed to go in a week or so and discuss what to do with them.
This experience has started me thinking again about my health. Having had MS for 35 years or so my life has not been a party. I believe I am a strong, independent woman but the illness has taken its toll on me, both physically and psychologically. I've caught myself thinking what's the point of making this huge effort to lose weight when in the end I will still be disabled, I will still not have a normal life? Then I answer myself that NOT losing the weight will not make things better either. In fact, all the weight I had gained had made matters a lot worse. I fell a lot harder, I injured myself in the process several times, walking was becoming impossible, doctors and nurses made snide remarks at the huge cripple.
I'm taking the philosophical view now. I have no clear goal of a weight number I want to reach. I'd still be happy if I stopped losing tomorrow. I'm still following my restrictive diet because I don't want to regain and anything more I lose is a bonus. My philosophical view tells me that sh*t happens to everyone, it just so happens that MS is MY bag of sh*t. It should not stop me from hoping that something may change tomorrow, that things MAY get better somehow.

FINALLY! Into the 80's! And food addictions.

Feb 07, 2011

And no, Im'not talking about the 1980's LOL I'm talking about finally seeing 80-some (kilos) on my scale. It took me 2 months to break that 90's barrier but finally, it's broken.

I haven't written a blog for a while because of... life, actually. I've been desperately trying to get rid of some bad remaining eating habits that I could (and did) get away with until now. The most important of these is: snacking on no-no foods. Not too
" no-no-nos", but no-nos for ME.  IE: nuts.

Now, nuts are good for you. They contain lots of protein and great vitamins and minerals you can't get anywhere else. Nuts are great, healthy food. IF you can keep quantities down to about a handful or two a day. It just so happens that nuts are a "trigger food" for me. Once I start eating them, I can't stop. Oh, they don't bother my stomach either. The problem is, they contain lots of calories. You can get fat on nuts just like you can get fat on any other food. And yes, I'm a food addict.

I've been trying to get rid of my food addictions one by one. Last fall I tried (and mostly succeeded if I take care to have chips out of sight) to get rid of my chips addiction... only to transfer it to nuts. You see, I spend a lot of time alone, in front of my computer. I'm disabled by MS and there is not much else I can do unless I have help, which is hard to come by in my home. Anyway, I got into the bad habit of munching on otherwise healthy nuts while I was just sitting around waiting for life to happen. And I got hooked! I could polish off a 10 ounce (300 gr) container per day! if you are wondering how many calories that is, I'll tell you: it's 600 to 800 calories. Oh, I didn't do it every day, but it adds up. And my weight has been stuck.
I'm keeping nuts out of the house now.

Perhaps there is another food addiction waiting for me around the corner. I hope not. Maybe I will get hooked on protein shakes? I recently discovered that if I blend my banana-flavored protein with a little chocolate powder and fruit, I could actually stand to drink it. That one is a breakthrough because I could never stand protein shakes before.

Do I think too much about food? Probably. I keep cooking yummy things for my family (which thankfully, I can't eat too much of) and I sort of HAVE to think about it. I try to cook healthy because everyone is on a diet now, but I do wish I could get my mind OFF food. *sigh*


About Me
Surgery Date
Dec 13, 2009
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