Amalia S.
Taking the Philosophical View
Feb 24, 2011
Things have gone a bit haywire lately. It started with pain in my arm. Soon, my arm was painfully locked in a shut position. My legs felt heavy and immovable. Then, my sight suddenly dropped in acuity by several points. It didn't take me long to realize that I was once again in the throes of an MS relapse.I have been lucky for a full year, no MS attacks while I've been losing the bulk of my weight surplus. I guess it was way overdue. Of course, I landed in the hospital with a corticosteroid IV in my arm and fear of what the drug would do to my weight loss effort. Again, I was lucky. I didn't gain weight, in fact I lost a bit. The MRI showed that although I had a symptoms reprieve, things were not quiet in the brain front and deeper lesions are present. On well, I never expected WLS to cure my MS!
The hospital doctors now want to start me on one of the MS drugs, one of which I tried in the past but had reacted badly to it. I'm not sure I want it. None of the MS drugs are a cure. I'm supposed to go in a week or so and discuss what to do with them.
This experience has started me thinking again about my health. Having had MS for 35 years or so my life has not been a party. I believe I am a strong, independent woman but the illness has taken its toll on me, both physically and psychologically. I've caught myself thinking what's the point of making this huge effort to lose weight when in the end I will still be disabled, I will still not have a normal life? Then I answer myself that NOT losing the weight will not make things better either. In fact, all the weight I had gained had made matters a lot worse. I fell a lot harder, I injured myself in the process several times, walking was becoming impossible, doctors and nurses made snide remarks at the huge cripple.
I'm taking the philosophical view now. I have no clear goal of a weight number I want to reach. I'd still be happy if I stopped losing tomorrow. I'm still following my restrictive diet because I don't want to regain and anything more I lose is a bonus. My philosophical view tells me that sh*t happens to everyone, it just so happens that MS is MY bag of sh*t. It should not stop me from hoping that something may change tomorrow, that things MAY get better somehow.
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About Me
Athens,
Location
29.0
BMI
Surgery
01/26/2010
Surgery Date
Dec 13, 2009
Member Since
