amberstarr

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

So, I know it's a major faux-pas for a woman to disclose her weight, but oh well. I just weighed myself on my mom's bathroom scale, and I have achieved my weight loss goal. I am officially 199 pounds! I have officially LOST 251 pounds!

 

Now, I need to start looking for a plastic surgeon. Once I get my stomach and my arms done, that will get rid of another 20 pounds at least! I am SO goddamn proud of myself right now. When I started my weight loss in 2008, all I wanted was to be under 200 pounds. I DID IT!! Im 6 feet tall, so not counting the skin to be removed, I am actually at a NORMAL weight!

 

I weigh less than I did prior to high school. I wear a smaller size than I did in middle school. I feel healthier than I have in my life.

 

I still have serious self-esteem issues, but right now, at THIS moment, I FEEL EFFING AMAZING!

 

Ok, I'm done............... for now!

It's not easy to write this......

I was just cleaning up my computer and I came across a folder containing pictures from the day I got married. Now, this is NOT going to be another "bash Andrew for the fun of it" post. I've said all that needs to be said about THAT subject. This is different. As I was going through the pictures, I got teary-eyed. Not because of the fact that that marriage is now over, but because of how I LOOKED.

As many of you know, over the last 14 months, I have worked VERY hard to lose weight. I was big my whole life, but in the last 10 years, it spiraled to unhealthy proportions. I was sick all the time, everything hurt, I was depressed... I was MISERABLE.

I'm not gonna bash him (as I said), but he didnt help. I stopped going out with friends, I stopped cooking--eating big macs in front of the computer was way easier and kept him happy. It's not all his fault, I take 90% of the blame.... but he certainly didnt make it any easier. At some point, I just got to the point where I didnt want to do anything. I wanted to stay home with my husband and be a fat lump. It was easier.

In september 2009, I decided to do something about it. I was pre-diabetic, my blood pressure was skyrocketing, and I was in constant pain. I decided that I wanted to be the Amber I DESERVED to be, not this awesome chick trapped in a huge body.

So, I did something about it.... It hasn't been easy, hell, at times its been pretty rough. But in the 14 months since I decided to lose weight, I have seen myself change in SO many ways. I've become more confident, I look people in the eyes instead of down at the floor.... Ive gained some much needed self-respect. I LOVE my life now... I love MYSELF now.

Today at work, I decided that it was time to take a full picture to post. No more "fat girl angle shots" for me. So I did. When I got home, I uploaded it to my computer, and while I loved it on my phone, in full size, I thought that I still looked too fat to put it on my page..... For shits and giggles, I started cleaning out old pics on my computer. Thats when I came across the folder of wedding pictures. When I saw my "old" self, I actually said out loud "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!". It was then that I decided that the new picture I had taken was fucking hot, and I actually wanted to share it.

Its not easy for me to post this picture. I'm still ashamed at the way I used to be. How did I let things become so out of control? But if I DONT acknowledge the way i used to be, I am doomed to become her again, and for me that is absolutely NOT an option.

I'm not done yet, I'm still losing weight and still working on the emotional issues that helped me balloon the way I did, but writing this story and posting this picture is a BIG step towards assuring a BEAUTIFUL and HEALTHY future.

If you've read this far, thank you. To my friends and family, thank you for never making me feel like I was a bad person for being so overweight. I know it probably wasnt easy watching me slowly kill myself, and I'm sorry that I worried you.... Just know that as the pounds fall off, my life gets better and better. I love you guys and I'm doing this in part because I wanna stay around for you for a long LONG time.

I suppose that's all I have to say at this point. Thank you for being so supportive through all of this and know that it is, in part, due to your encouragement that I am able to write these words.

Well, the last time I was weighed, about 3 weeks ago, I was down 100 pounds since September! Holy Hell!!!

I am loving my life and having an amazing time.... Even though this can be extremely hard, I would do it again in a heartbeat.


If anyone has a page on facebook, feel free to add me (just search for Amber Lauer).... I tend to update that constantly!


Hope everyone is having a great week!!!


xoxoxox
Amber*

Hey hey!!  Just a note to let everyone know that I am doing so well!! The pounds are melting off, and I am feeling better every day!!!!

The most exciting thing happened a few weeks ago....

My jeans were HUGE on me. Like grossly huge. I decided that I had to break down and go to the mall to get some new ones.  I hadn't shopped at Lane Bryant in about 4 years because, to be honest, their clothing was too tight.... How sad is that???

My mom said that I should go in and try some jeans there.... I didn't want to because I KNEW that they wouldnt fit, and I didnt want to feel discouraged that I hadnt lost enough weight yet..... But, I gave in and we headed to the mall....

My mom handed me a pair of jeans in the biggest size they had. I went into the dressing room already feeling slightly defeated.... I held the jeans up.... There was NO way these were gonna get on me, much less CLOSE.... BUT, I promised I would try.....

One leg in, then the other. I started pulling them up and WHAT THE HELL?! They FIT!

I ran out of the dressing room to show my mom.... I was SO excited. She looked at me and said "you cant get those"
I was like "why not??????"

She smiled and said "Amber, they're way too big. Let me go get you a smaller size."

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!?!?!?!?!

So, long story short, it turns out that I have already gone down THREE jeans sizes!!!

When I put on the correct size, I was amazed at how good I looked. For the first time in YEARS, I was proud of myself and excited!!!!


Needless to say, I bought a second pair *smiles*

This is the most amazing thing I have ever gone through.

I would go through the pain of surgery again in a heart beat.


THANK YOU to you all for your support.... It means the world to me!
Lots of love!

Amber*

Well, My surgery went well. I had the bypass, and so far, I am down about 40 pounds. Its amazing to see clothing getting bigger and bigger... WOO HOO!

Ill be honest, it was harder than I thought though.....  I went through a period of about 3 weeks where I was so depressed I wanted to die. I dont know what it was, if it was the fact that I couldnt eat, or that I was SOOOOO naseous CONSTANTLY, but I just curled up in bed and cried for days....

My best friends finally had enough and were like  "get your ass out of the house and stop moping". I did, and I am feeling better every day.  

As you guys may or may not know, my husband left 2 weeks before my surgery... This is a HUGE motivational factor for me. I had this surgery for ME, but it will be freakin hot to see him in a year when I am half the person I used to be (literaly)!!!!

Anyway, Im off to go get some flowers for my yard... Its beautiful out!!! Thank you all for your kindness and support> Youre great!

I'm starting to get really nervous.... But.... I got this. *wink*
Wish me luck..........

My insurance company approved my preauthorization!!!!!!!!!!!

This is really happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I needed this so badly... Not to get too far into sad stuff, but my husband told me on Sunday (2/22) that he wanted a divorce... Needless to say, I am heartbroken, but at the same time, I am in for such an amazing time, that my mind is far too busy for pity parties...

Look out world!

I'm starting to get a little nervous.

But I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it.  In the past, when I would look in the mirror (which was rare to begin with), I would see myself as some slob. I  thought I was disgustingly ugly and hated myself....

Now? Not so much. When I look in the mirror now, the first thing I realize is that I'm NOT ugly. I'm fat, this is true- but aside from that, I actually DO have a pretty face... Maybe people weren't lying *LOL*)....

Now, instead of thinking "Ugh, what a cow", I see POTENTIAL.  I'm not gonna lie, I know that when I lose the weight, I will be beautiful.  That was hard for me to comprehend for a long time. I have been so focused on the bad for so long, that I never took the time to see the good!

I WANT THE WORLD TO SEE IT!!!!!

I've started taking better care of myself in preparation for my life after surgery. For so long, I didn't bother doing anything with myself because I thought that there was no point-- Now, when I go out, I do my hair, I wear some jewelry, I put on a bit of make up... And you know what?  I feel good about myself!  

In the face of this life changing surgery, I have learned the most important thing I have ever learned: To love myself.

I sit here and go through the "Before & After" gallery on this site, and I'll tell ya, I cannot wait to have an "After" picture! 

Twenty-six more days....

I can't wait!

So I had a weight check-in this morning... Lost a pound and a half... Not much, but WOO-HOO!! As someone who has just gained consistantly, this is awesome =) 

I'm getting close to surgery day... 46 more days!


I have to get back to work- more to come later!

xoxox

So I met Dr. Harrison today, who will be my surgeon. He was very cool, ver down-to-earth, and very easygoing....

Long story very short- the date is set:

03/09/09 is the date of my surgery! 

I'm so excited right now I could scream!