Update!!

Sep 17, 2010

Well I am down roughly 118lbs.

Just getting used to things others take for granted everyday!!  Crossing legs for one!! That I am really enjoying.  Running on a treadmill without being winded!! Climbing stairs!!! (Love it)  Doing things that I didn't even know I wanted to do.  It is funny how when you have a lot of energy how much more you actually want to do!!! I was reading the forum today and I saw how someone is having sooo many complications from their surgery and I felt so badly for them.  I still would say for the hundreds of others to just do it.  I am kinda apprehensive about recommending it to anyone because I don't want them to go through with it and then having complications but I feel it is the right decision for so many people.  I truly think I am learning who I am now as opposed to before.  And I really liked myself before but I am truly liking myself even more.  I guess because I am one of those people who the weight did not even start to bother me until it was my time to change. But the year prior to surgery it bothered me a great deal. I guess because it was my time. Maybe because I was so busy focusing on everyone and everything that I never took time for me.  Now I take time for others and for myself.  I know one scripture says to love your neighbor as you love yourself well now I am not only loving my neighbor but loving myself too. Learning how not to feel guilty when needing to rest or take care of myself.  I think the DS has helped me in more ways than one. If not directly then indirectly.  I was so upset and defensive when anyone discussed my weight because everyone had the problem but no solution.  So even though I saw the weight I didn't really see it.  God has been extremely good to me because I only really notice the weight moreso now because I am focused on it and knowing that I still have some weight to lose. Which is soooooo crazy because everyone who sees me say "wow you look so great!!"  So I guess the outside is catching up with the inside.  Because I always felt great!! People say "You are really pretty!!!"  And for years I use to say that to myself all the time!!  So this is crazy.  I don't even think I am making sense right now.  I guess you would just have to experience it to understand.  Also I say God was extremely merciful to me because no one really ever treated me cruelly about my weight.  Or if they did, I never noticed!!! A lot of my friends tell me horror stories and they were never as heavy as I was.  In fact,  I have noticed that quite a few really thin people have people calling them names all the time.  I never experienced that.  Well then again I never insulted people either.  As a child yes but as an adult, no way.  I know that was only the mercy of God.   I am truly just grateful for the opportunity that the DS has given me even if I didn't know I needed it.  Those of you who know what I mean will understand.  For all the rest. Sorry if I am truly sounding like I don't make sense!

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