amybuckner
4/07/06 Exactly three years ago today I was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia, and today I was approved for weight loss surgery. I have over the last few years learned that my Leukemia is a blessing and a miracle in its own way. This approval seems to make it seem so much more so. I'm nervous excited and way in LA LA land. I have given it all over to GOD and boy does he make things happen. I just thought I had good management skills (smile). I went to my consultation appointment on 3/29/06, and figured it would be a month or so, but I knew my PCP and Oncologist both needed to fax in some papers, so I called today just to see if I could help and they said, nope we are done "you were approved by phone just NOW" WOW, is all I can say. Thank you lord jesus! I will do my part as well.
4/15/06 Its official, my surgery date is actually May 1st. I'm a little nervous, but am excited too. I am trying to let it go and let it happen. I've cut down on carbs and am trying to eat lean meats and steamed veggies, so I can lose some weight before surgery. I want to be as healthy as possible going in. My leukemia is still a factor but I'm sure it will be ok. In Gods hand I'm safe. More later.....
4/25/06 Today I had my pre-op appointment with Dr. Syn. Seems like things are A GO! My surgery is scheduled for May 1st, I will 4th that day. I lost 7 lbs since my initial consultation and I was hyped about that, but wanted it to be more, DON'T WE ALWAYS! Anyway I'll be on the losing side in 5 days.....OH MY
6/05/06 Well well well, it has been a while. I had my surgery on 5/01/06, everything went ok, I was home on the 2nd. You know I sure was surprised by the pain. None of my friends who had had the surgery told me it would hurt so bad....well duh, I had surgery but darn they seemed to just flutter and go. Anywho, I am down from my top weight of 279 to 233 today. I do ok most of the time, I do have some problems with throwing up but not throwing up, I'll eat and then about 30 minutes later I will go heave but nothing comes up but saliva, then I feel better, maybe its just pressure I don't know. I go tomorrow to the doctor for my 1mo f/u appointment, hope he thinks I'm doing ok. I went back to work on the 10th of May, yes I hurried things along, but I didn't have another nurse that could cover for me.
One thing I want anyone who might be pre-op reading this to know is: I THOUGHT I WAS PREPARED, I thought I would sail right through all the emotions after surgery...NOT. I have researched all of this and just knew that I had the coping mechanisms I needed to make this so easy. Well boy did I have a rude awakening. I want to EAT, I want to eat like I use to. I want to lose weight too, but darn if eating isn't still in my head more than breathing. I'm not hungry, I'm not interested in food, but I want to EAT. It may really be "EASY" for some, but I bet not. We can't get this big and have this type of addiction to food without having withdraw symptoms from it. I cried, I got angry, really angry, I said "WHAT THE F*&K DID I DO?" Ok, I still ask myself that, but I'm glad I did it. I really want to feel better and be able to enjoy my husband and have fun. But I feel so "stupid" for having to do this! I can't believe I let myself do this to me. So now not only do I want to eat out of habit, but now I want to eat because I disgust myself. I want to eat because I can't, because I'm a slob.......you know the drill. I won't eat, I won't sabatoge myself, and I will win this battle within, but please look deeply and know that this is REAL, it happens, and maybe you won't feel the exact way I do, but I bet there will be some withdrawl in there, and when it hits........it isn't pretty, it isn't fun, but is is beatable!
Losing weight has always been something I wouldn't do, everyone told me to so I wouldn't. WLS was the same way, everyone told me "NOT" to, so I did! Smile, think I might have some control issues????? I will not lie, I have been wondering if "they" weren't right, I could have lost weight w/o this surgery, I could have managed. SNAP.....reality check....I DID NOT DO IT ON MY OWN, I COULDN'T. I TRIED. I will make it through all this, as I am only 1 month out, I'm actually doing pretty well. I'm just trying to convey that this is NOT the EASY FIX. Easy buttons are at that office place...not the surgeons desk! So from here on out, good luck, and happy losing!
Aug 22, 2006
Well its been a while! I'm doing better, I've lost a total of 74 pounds as of today. I am wearing size 18 to 14,depending on the maker and type of clothing. I'm feeling better and not near as angry as I was in the previous post. I don't think this has gotten any easier, but it has gotten more "normal." I can handle the food choices and amounts without difficulty, and am dealing with the "head" issues.
I am no longer seeing my surgeon, I was very unhappy with my last visit and will see my PCP for all my follow up visits. If I have a surgeon need I will call another bariatric physician. NUFF bout HIM.
I have to describe the most surreal thing so far. I was in the tub shaving my legs, and as I was checking for residual stubble (come on you all do it) it didn't "FEEL" like my leg. I mean I could feel it, I could see me rubbing my leg, but it didn't "FEEL" like my leg, it was small, and I could feel bone. It was just sooooooooo "WOW"
Anyway, I'm 16 wks and 1day out today, and feeling pretty good. I've had several dumping episodes and lots of indigestion, but I can basically eat whatever I want, I just have to slow down. NO SUGAR, got a sugar high attempting to taste "real" sugar. IT was a riot. Anyway if your reading this and still researching.....Know this is a personal choice, and don't base your decison on what someone else has gone through. Everyone recovers differently, and all my friends SAILED through effortlessly......JERKS, but losing well JERKS (smile). I have done well, but I hurt and I had problems adjusting and eating and all of it. But I'm glad I had the surgery. Hmmm, would I reccomend it to someone....NOPE! Not because I'm not please with my outcome, more because I don't want to influence anyone, I don't want to be the 'reason' someone might make this choice. I will share my story, and ALL of it, I won't sugar coat it, but I won't reccomend it. My sister is overweight and sees my progress and keeps saying "I WANT THE SURGERY" I'm really scared for her to do it, she has small children that need her. I have no kids, so that wasn't an issue, and I know that obesity kills, I just can't get past the part that what if she doesn't make it through surgery. However, she will do whatever she wants, I just don't want her rushing into this because I lost weight, I want her to do it for the "RIGHT" reasons for her. OK off my soap box. TO ALL CONSIDERING SURGERY......GOOD LUCK and GOD SPEED....to those LOSING.....LOSE ON!
10/01/06 5 months out today! I've lost a total of 85lbs, and am feeling better than I have in a long time. Its amazing how you don't realize you felt bad till you feel GOOD. In the last month I have lost a total of 11 lbs, and thats not a lot, but its ok with me, I don't mind losing it slow, I just want to continue losing. I still think I made a good choice for me, a tough choice, but one that has worked out well. I'm still deal with food habits some, but am doing ok. I can eat more than I could and that is sort of 'TERRIFYING' but I'm trying to keep it controlled.......I just can't eat burritos for every meal like I did pre-op. Food desires change, so have I. I like the new me, and I liked the old me, but the new me feels "FANTASTIC." See you all in a few months! IF you are trying to decide about the surgery........Goodluck and Godspeed....if your losing......LOSE ON!
