AmyDee123

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I have moved on.  I am out of the 300s and officially in the 200s.  Got on the scale this morning and it started with a 2.  

I can't get over it!  When I lost weight with the lapband I felt great about this milestone, but then when I went back to it I dies inside.  Now I just keep thinking about how I must NEVER get back to that number.  Ever!

Good feelings aside from this morning, i went to a party last night and it was a disaster.  Not only did I have a half a glass of wine (I can't believe I did that when I am such a big proponent of not drinking in the first year) but I ate potato chips, and I felt fat.  So so fat.  I couldn't get comfortable.  I didn't want to be there, and as soon as I was sober enough (that half a glass messed me up) my husband and I got out of there.  We are having a party at our place this sunday, and I am not looking forward to it.  

omgomgomgomgomg!  Got on the scale this morning and it read 300!  Tomorrow I will most likely be in the 200's and that's my first goal!!!  I feel so good!  And I am so excited!!!!!

Talk about motivation!  Today is a hot one with crazy storms, so we are going to mall walk, and I am going to do a serious rowing stint for about 30 to 45 minutes tonight.  Gonna sweat that fat right outta my body.

I put on makeup this morning, too.  Its been a while.  I don't do it often.  I even put on a pair of new boots that my husband bought for me last 2 chistmases ago.  Doc Martens.  But they are English ones and SUPER stiff.  My feet were too fat to fit in them before.  Now they are in them but they still feel squished.  Gotta start wearing them and stretching them out.  They feel good though.  Just super super stiff.

It feels so good be doing so well.

I feel so good.  I like the things that are sore cause its a positive soreness.  I am walking a lot even early in the morning, or in the sweltering heat.  Its not easy but it feels good.  and I am losing weight slowly but steadily.  

I wake up in the morning, get dressed, get the dogs fed, put lemon oil all over me, drink some water, and head out.  I have my first walk done by 6:30am every day now, and if my day gets away from me I at least have gotten that walk in and I have moved for the day.  My husband is proud of me, and tells me constantly.  That makes me feel good.

Tonight I am going to fill up the bathtub with some super hot water, add my ylang ylang oil and epsom salt, and just REST.  The kids will be at my mom's and the house will be clean.  I will be truly stress free.  I can't wait!!!

But it's ok.  I have accepted that.  I stall, I break the stall, I start working out, I gain, I keep working out, I lose, my period starts, I gain, I keep working out, I lose...  It just keeps going back and forth.  The point, though, is every time it goes down, it goes down more.  1 pound up, two pounds down, 1 pound up, two pounds down.  That is ok.

I am up to three 1.2 mile walks a day.  My daughter and I are doing couch to 5k, along with mapping out the perfect 5k route in our neighborhood.  I am adding in 20 minutes on the rower today.  I don't have all the energy, but if I push my body finds it and its there for the next day.  I am still not sleeping well at night, but I am waking up feeling better in the morning and jump out of bed ready to tackle the day.

My daughter and I have put a goal on this week.  Out of the 300s by Sunday.  I really hope it happens.  I am trying really hard.

I was noticing during the few days before my period started that I felt so slow, sluggish and clouded.  my mouth was gummy, and food was not satisfying in my head.  I was getting my 64 ounces of water in, but i realized it was not enough.  My body is so used to drinking 2 gallons a day for years that a half gallon was NOTHING.  I have been dehydrated.  Most people would be fine with 64, even be more than they are used to.  I, instead, have made it a point to get to at least a gallon of water a day.  I got a great app for my phone, set my goals, and always have my big red solo cup in my hand.  It took a few days to get up to the 128oz but OMG what a difference!  It even made my period a little more bearable!  

I'm getting between 400 and 600 calories a day in.  The higher number is for days I do not have a protein shake.  I have so much optifast left I tried to use that as my protein drink in the morning.  Wouldn't you know, it sent me into a stall.  then I looked at the ingredients and it has SO MANY carbs!  I was blowing my carb number out of the water!  So I stopped drinking those and gave them to my mother.  Along with all of my medifast food.  That felt good.  and she could use it.  she is trying to do things on her own with her failed band.  

My energy is still not high.  I still take a long nap in the afternoon.  But I am working it.  As hard as I can.  Lets hope next week shows me at least 5 more pounds down and under 300 for once.

I am officially 50 pounds down, the stall is dead.

This morning I got on the scale and it read 305.  I finally have killed the stall, and I am on my way to Twoterville!  I can't wait to get there and never see the 300s again.  My daughter was so happy for me she cried.  All of my kids are going on the walk with me today to celebrate.  I'm so happy!!!

My husband and I occasionally walk around the neighborhood for a bit of a workout.  About a mile.  Nothing major, but it gets the blood pumping and moves us around.  I have bad hips so I am afraid to try anything more.  Well, in our new neighborhood we have a HUGE lake with a walking trail around it.  I have heard things like it being 3 or 4 miles around the whole thing.  I have been so afraid of starting and not being able to make it back, having to sit on the dirty ground.  There is no way to access the lake with car, its a bit of a walk to the one entry point, and that is it.  

Well, I decided that my daughter and I were going to start training for runs in a few years.  She wants to do the Goofy Challenge at the disney races (5k, 10k, half marathon and a full marathon) before she goes to college.  She said we needed to learn how far around the lake was officially and she is totally right.  So we got a GPS fitness app and set out.

AND I DID IT!!!  We got started, picked a good pace, and we did it!  And it was not a big deal cause its only 1.5 miles!!  I was so intimidated and scared of this stupid trail around this stupid lake!  LOL  It was really no big deal and I feel great!  My left hip is a little sore, and I am definitely hot and sweaty.  (its over 90 outside)  But I accomplished it.  I refused to look at the tracker till we made it halfway.  I was amazed it was only .75 miles.  without all the turns and houses it seemed to go a bit longer, but I was like "I know I can go a mile easy, so this will be a piece of cake!"  The plan is to walk the lake everyday.  And we are going to start couch to 5k next week most likely, depending on how my hip is doing.

Oh, and boy am I glad I quit smoking!  Officially 151 days smoke free, and I could really tell while working out.  I was short of breath while walking, but not uncomfortable and not lightheaded like I would get before.  

Over the last 3 days I have lost a pound.  That means about 2 pounds a week, 104 pounds a year.  That sounds ok, right??

The problem is this.  This is my honeymoon period.  this is when the weight should be sliding off of me.  More than half of my post surgery time has resulted in ZERO weight loss.  And when I get to the end I will not be losing 2 pounds a week.  It will be more like 2 pounds a month.

I am drinking about 90 ounces of water a day.  I am taking in 60 to 70 g of protein a day.  I am only eating between 300 to 500 calories a day.  I am over 300 pounds!!  There is no way the weight should not be coming off of me!!  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!

Ok, so I have been dealing with the "3rd week stall" for 4 weeks.  That means a I lost weight 1st week, 2nd week, then nothing for the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th week.  Now I'm in week 7 as of yesterday.  The last 2 days I have been trying something new, and as of this morning I think I am seeing it work.  

Super low carb (under 10g a day) and pushing as much zero calorie liquid as possible.  I'm also not eating till full.  Basically I end up with about 300 calories a day eating nothing but deli meat, cheese wedges, and steak.  I can substitute the cheese wedge for some greens according to my doctor, but I am gonna try this for a bit without it.

If this is what works then I am going to do it.  Thankfully eating that little is not tough because my stomach is the size it is.  My doc said it will go back to the 1-2 ounce size quickly and easily, even though its stretched to 3 or 4 ounce now.  

If I can get below 300 in week 7 then I will be a happy camper.  I may not get to the 2 pound a day loss again, but I think I can do 1 pound a day.  I am going to increase my movement as well to make sure I am burning more calories.  

And let me tell you!  I cannot get enough sex lately!  My poor husband is pushing me off lately telling me he needs a breather!  Who ever thought that would be the case.  We have always been an active couple.  Been together 20 years, and its almost always been at least 5 times a week.  But lately its like I can't get enough!  It must be the hormone dump.  And he is always all about it.  But lately my appetite has been bigger than his, which is hilarious!

Period ends today, so I am ready for my stall to be over.  I feel like I have been in an unending stall for the last month.  Its so frustrating.  I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I will ever lose any more weight.  Or if I am broken because of the revision.  I wonder if I am destined to be over 300 pounds for my whole life.  I wonder if my surgery was done properly and if my body is working the way its supposed to.  

I've decided I am going to use the rest of my optifast and go back to 3 shakes a day and a lean meat meal with veggies for dinner.  I got my PatchMD patches so I am hoping the extra vitamins (I keep having trouble with mine) will help to increase my energy.  And I am starting my rowing back up today.  

I know I can lose weight living on this diet.  The RNY is the tool to help me.  I just wish that when doing everything right but less extreme was working.

I hate periods.  

I honestly just wish for early menopause every month.  And now my weight is tied to everything even more.  My food cravings go through the roof.  I was an emotional binge eater before the lapband, then I became a situational eater (foodie with a love of all sauces), but my period always had me eating all things bread and sugar for the whole week.  My doctor said Atkins foods were ok, and the sugar alcohols gave me problems in the beginning, but now its mild.  At least I can use that as a crutch when I am battling shark week.  I just hate eating so much fake food.  I feel like I am eating something wrong.

Last night I made a unbreaded stuffed chicken cordon blue from barber foods, with a side of sauteed brussels sprouts shavings topped with parmesan cheese.  I ate about half of both, total of about 4 ounces of food, then curled up on the couch and cried quietly while watching TV with my husband.  When he realized he asked me what was wrong and I said I was upset about how much I had eaten, and I felt fat and gross.  After talking I realize I ate a healthy amount.  My slow loss is not due to how much I am eating at a time.  Its situational.  And I have lost a lot, I just have to stop being down on myself.  I am still only taking in about 600-700 calories a day, and keeping my carbs below 30.  That is what I am supposed to be shooting for and I am hitting it perfectly.  

I know my one major downfall is water.  I am dehydrated.  Badly.  Not bad enough to go to the doctor's, but a slight turn would send me there.  Every morning I wake up determined to get rehydrated that day, then I go to bed realizing I only got a few glasses of water in.  Its tough for me, really tough.  And I have irrational fears of drinking too much and stretching out my little pouch.  I want to preserve my pouch as much as possible.  I want it to stay small for a very long time.  I have a bunch of Optifast shakes that I paid for that I am going to drink and use in the next month.  I am going to try and make my 3rd month the most productive.  1st month was destroyed by having to be in the hospital for so long and the second surgery.  Second month was all 3rd week stall and period it seems (no lie, I will maybe get 1 week of true loss out of the 2nd month), so my 3rd month has to be my honeymoon period.  That is not how its supposed to be, but its how I will make it.