anabeth413
jan 18th.
Jan 17, 2010
i havent been able to write in a few days...been kinda busy doing this and that, running around here and there and accomplished 2 house projects this weekend with my Daniel that we have been putting off.
my protein intake has been simply horrible these last couple of days. i start off in the morning strong and fizzle out by the afternoon because im not planning ahead and taking my protein drink with me. by the time i realize i need to put something into my body i feel dizzy and light headed. not good. totally my own doing to myself so i know from now on i need to take my stuff on the road with me if we go out for the day so wilma stays happy and content and doesnt make me feel like shit.
This past friday night was a big fat no no for me. i should of opted to stay home. We went to Daniels fathers house for dinner. I didnt take my protein stuff with me and ended up having 3 tablespoons of soup out of a can while they ate steak and fries. Daniel finished the soup...first off i hate soup out of a can, 2nd mistake i made was not taking anything with me, i thought i would be fine just sitting there, 3rd mistake was sitting at the table with them....i must of been in the mood to torture myself that night without even realizing it because after a few minutes i was almost in tears because i couldnt eat with them and the desire to grab some home made fries and a piece of steak was overwhelming.
so after that little incident there was a note to self "no eating out for now" ...he can go over there by himself for a while unitl i find piece between me and wilma. ohhh wait andd check this out when we first got there they wanted to go to chili's for dinner...what the fuck...until pop said oh no we cant do that to her..we will eat here. oh fucken a..can you imagine..in the mind set i was in i would of gone thinking i would of been ok with that and well im sure i wouldnt of been and i would of been stuck there until they finished eating...holy hell thank god that didnt happen.
anyway that started out the weekend on the wrong foot and like i said before it was down hill from there but today im back on track.
im still having trouble mentally with what ive done..i know this isnt the easy way out and ive never thought of it as that...but i really wish i could fast forward life and take myself to 1 year from now where ive lost the weight and life is somewhat back to normal because this to me is not normal in the least bit. this weekend brought on yet another aspect of this that bummed me out. i cant go out without planning and taking with me what i need. my family doesnt live close by so if i go spend the day with them i have to take my stuff with me cause well they dont stock up on wls food as they shouldnt because well they are normal...its me thats not normal.
i cant go running around all day and just stop somewhere to get something to eat. its not that simple anymore for me and that pisses me off. i know this kinda behavior is what got me to this weight in the first place...but now that i know what i know if i could go back in time i wouldnt of had this surgery done and i would of made better eating out choices lol (yeah right lol) just typed that to see what bullshit would look like in red.
i know this is a great tool. i know it will work and i have to work with it. im just still not liking that wilma is now a part of me and she is the one that rules my life. i sound crazy yes..oh well maybe one of the side affects they should mention about this is mentally unstable thoughts! (im just kidding around).
well its time to go drink protein. im gonna get one of those hats you see at ball games that have both sides armed with beer instead mine will have protein drink in it! and yes i use a straw...if i dont i wouldnt be able to get this sucky ass stuff down.
im ending this on a positive note..i have lost another 4 lbs..so im down since surgery 16lbs.
