The Waiting Game

Jun 19, 2013

So I have been waiting a while for my medical coverage to kick in and it finally has.  So now, on to getting approved.  I chose to go with Dr. Emma Patterson @ Oregon Weight Loss Surgery because her recommendations and referrals on several websites were pretty awesome.  So my paper work has been submitted and they are checking with the insurance for coverage.  Can take 2 weeks or so they told me, plus they are back logged. Ugh.

I am a mess of emotions and nerves and anxiety right now.  I waver back and forth between giddy excitement and full on panic.  Silly day dreams of skinny jeans, single digit clothing sizes, my thighs not rubbing, amazing sex with my fiance where I'm not huffing cause I cannot breath, riding bikes with my kiddo, being able to flying a plane to see my friends and family, and dear god, being able to have another baby without the fear of dying.  And then my heart races at the what-ifs... what if my heart stops, what if I get ARDS again, what if I have one horrible complication after another, what am I gonna do with all this skin... 

I try to share all of this with my bf but I am not sure if he really understands.  My mom had lap-band done years ago and lost a lot of her weight, but is a miserable depressed mess now.  So while I want to share this experience with her, I really can't.  I mention it and she falls apart in a mess of tears.

I feel like I need to be doing more to prepare myself for this, more mentally than physically.  I know therapy will help and at the moment I am trying to wrap my head around how I managed to get to the weight I am at today.  I keep thinking and its not always a good thing, I think I'm gonna make myself crazy.

I'm just ready to get this train moving, so I can get on with life, properly.

0 Comments