AndiT
Getting ready...
Jul 10, 2013
So its been busy, I am now doing my pre-op stuff, labs, ekg, sleep study etc. Been going to the Legacy Weight Management Institute for all of this before I actually meet with Dr. Patterson.
It's been surreal, shocking and a huge eye opener. I have some medical conditions I was not aware of, including diabetes. They say I am on the cusp, not quite but borderline. Just call it what it is... *sigh* Have some lymphedema issues, and high blood pressure. Had a good cry that I had been stupid and ignored a lot of this and not taken proper care of myself. But that's where the psychologist comes in, it's not a lazy thing, its a not finding love for myself kinda thing. Working on it, slow steps right?
So they have me on the pre-op liquid diet, yay. Not gonna lie, this is bullshit. It is very much hard to go from having a fully belly a majority of the day to this horrible feeling of hunger all day. Yesterday was day 1, I got busy with stuff like I usually do and missed a protein shake, and by the time I was someplace to grab one, I was light headed and felt weak. Even as I am sitting here typing this, my stomach is growing hard and I have a mild headache, not due for a shake for another 40 minutes, I'm counting the seconds.
Friends who have had surgery tell me the first 2 weeks are the hardest and it gets easier, seriously, I have to feel like this for around 2 weeks? Not liking this. What's funny is, before this, I could go most of the morning and early afternoon before I ate anything, now, because I'm doing protein at 6am, my body is like "Great, okay, we want more."
So far I have had several people tell me, "Well gosh, if they have you doing this to loose weight before surgery, and you DO loose weight, why not just keep doing this and skip surgery?!" I don't have an answer for them, I don't, but seriously I don't want to have to exist on 5 shakes a day, plus my measly 2 ounces of lean protein and veggies for dinner. I get that we eat to live, we eat for nutrition, but we should also enjoy it as well, in my opinion. I've just enjoyed it way too much and in the wrong amounts.
I also hate how emotional over all of this I feel. I want to cry and I want to scream and I want to punch something. I am pissed off that I let it get so out of control that the only course of action is to have surgery to help me fix the problem. I'm mad that I don't have a very good support group to help me through this, other than strangers in office clinics. My significant other is caring, and is upset its come to this, he wants it over with as much as I do, but the moment a tear falls, he gets that deer in headlights look on his face and walks away.. Most of the time he means well, like yesterday, while I was at appointments, he took it upon himself to clean out the cupboards, pantry and fridge and threw away food he felt we didn't need. I appreciate the gesture, I do, but at the same time, I'm like ok, BEFORE this diet, I didn't stand in the kitchen and squirt chocolate syrup down my throat, hell I never used it in the first place, it was for the kid's occasional chocolate milk treat. My non-fat sugarfree coffee syrups, could have used those later down the road, they weren't cheap, in the dumpster now. Kinda pissed we didn't do the clean up together.
Anyhow I'm ranting, I'm cranky, I want my next chalky crappy protein shake and I want to get through this as quickly as possible and as painlessly as possibly.
