AndiT
Nearly There.
Sep 18, 2013
So its been a while since my last update, mainly cause I hate typing... I had my weigh in with my PA yesterday, still rocking this goddamn pre-op diet and have lost a total of 61 pounds so far. I got a bit emotional as I really didnt think I had it in me to keep this up for as long as I have. Last week was my stress test, and again much to my surprise, my heart is healthy and fine. I am now officially cleared for surgery.
Originally I has opted to go with Dr. Patterson at the Oregon Weight Loss Surgery office, and because of my insurance I was told I had to do all of my pre-op clearance work through Legacy Good Sam's Weight and Diabetes Management Center. So that is who I have been working with the past 10 weeks, Legacy. They have been damn good to me and supportive and helpful and as of now have yet to meet with any staff from OWLS. I decided yesterday to go ahead and switch and have my surgery with a Legacy surgeon, Dr. Halpin since I was already under the care of Legacy and had a great relationship established with my PA, Lisa and her assistant Val. Plus the front office staff are pretty kick ass.
That being said it looks like there will be less hoops for me to jump through transitioning from Legacy to the other clinic as well as getting scheduled for surgery sooner. And while this pleases me greatly I cant help but be terrified that this is coming closer and closer. Kinda sat here last night and was like OH SHIT. THIS IS HAPPENING. FOR REAL.
I am a mix of emotions ranging from nauseous, to happy, to ecstatic to anxiety back to joy and then tears of absolutely fear... WHAT IF.... Iv'e done my research, I've looked at all angles, I know what can go wrong and I also know what I stand to gain, or LOOSE rather from doing this, so why the panic now? This is the home stretch, this is what I have busted my ass so very hard for, this is what I have endured these shit shakes for 10 weeks for.
One of the other things that I have been experiencing is skin. I already have skin flopping all over, under my arms, my boobs are flatter, the insides of my thighs are sagging and making it hard to walk. I knew this would be coming, I guess I didnt wrap my head around how bad its gonna get. Few nights ago while cooking, I reached over a pot of boiling water to adjust the heat and my arm flap was hanging so low, i skimmed the top of the water and burned my arm. And then went to grab a paper towel and the same goddamn arm flap, knocked over a bottle of olive oil. Is this what I have to look forward to?? It's like I'm trading one horror for another and it sickens me to be honest.
Therapy helps of course but shes thin and I swear cannot even fathom how I feel since shes not experienced it. Sitting here waiting for the call back to let me know when I can schedule with the surgeon. Tummy hurts.
Been reading lots of support group forums and gaining perspective of newbies as well and post-op vets, grabbing bits of advice and learning from successes and not so successful situations and I find myself trying so very hard not to be judgmental of some. Seeing people that their whole approval to surgery process took a whopping 3 weeks and they are actually having to ask "What can I eat post-op" Like really? You don't know at this point and your surgery is in a few days!? Did you bother to consult with a nutritionist? Did you think to call and I dunno, maybe ask your surgeon or their office staff? Did you even bother to research any of this before you were like "Surgery? Fuck yeah sign me up!" Or another individual who wanted the Internet to help them choose which procedure they should do, "Which one is better internet, help me choose!" Cause again, research or an actual consultation with a surgeon who can help you decide based on your body and your habits wouldn't help at all.
It's hard for me to not get pissed, I've spent years looking into this and choosing only now to do it because I am finally ready, so when I see people casually wanting surgery cause why not, I have insurance, and its free! It just really kills me.
