January post?

Jan 19, 2009

Well I guess it's time for an update.  I went back on WW and lost most of what I had gained (again).  I had an appointment at the bariatric center on Thursday.  The NP said I was eating too much and needed another fill.  Really?  So okay I'm trying to allow the professionals to do their job and she said she was going to schedule yet another fill under fluoro for me.  So I said to her - I have had 3 fills under fluoro and he has put 3 ccs in each time, but he doesn't pull it out to show what in there and I'm concerned I have a leak.  (I mean really....if all my fills went in I'd have 11 ccs in my 10 cc band, and she says I'm still eating too much).  Now I don't WANT to have a leak, but geez if I have one let's find out now and fix it.  So either there is a leak or some other problem, or I'm just a freak with the band.  What if there is a leak??  I have been blaming myself all these months for not doing well....perhaps it IS the band!  So I'm anxious about this - if it's a leak it means surgery again, right?  And if it's not a leak it means I AM a band failure.  Not good either way!  I know I've been sick of trying with the band, and I don't like the message board anymore because I can't really participate with any good news.  It's been almost  a year and I'm down 23 pounds.  How pathetic is that?  Yup better than gaining, but certainly not where I thought I'd be after a year. 

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