Another fill scheduled for tomorrow

Feb 09, 2009

So I had an appt with the NP Jan 15 and she said she thought I was able to eat too much and thought I needed another fill.  I said okay, I'll trust her opinion...but geez I've had 4 fills, 3 under fluoro and each time I had fluoro they put in 3 ccs.  That to me would mean I should have a really full band.  So I asked her to talk to him about pulling the fluid out.  Well the fluoro is scheduled for tomorrow.  (I found out today - that's a story in itself, but I can go so no problem).  I'm really nervous about it.  I'm afraid the doctor is going to be mad at me, or worse, disgusted with me.  What if he pulls the fluid out and I do have 9 ccs in my band??  Then am I just a huge band failure??  I admit I give up and eat crap for days on end.  But isn't the band supposed to help with that?  Perhaps I didn't understand the band as much as I thought??  I really thought I was very well informed.  I really thought I knew what I was getting into.  I really thought this was the answer for me.  If I find out tomorrow that my band IS full and it's just me, how will I come to grips with that?  I'm going to be so embarrassed.  I'm going to feel humiliated.   But at least I'll know.    Without knowing....well that's no good either.  I feel like I'm floundering with the band.  I don't feel supported by the center, I don't like the NP and don't like what she has to say.  I wanted someone to tell ME what to expect, how it should be etc, but I feel like I've spent the last year telling her what it should be like. But on the boards they say....and in this book it says....etc.  I have felt like she was uninformed.  Okay this could be me...some personality quirk in me.  Oy.  I hate to say it but I'm really hoping he tells me there is a leak and I need surgery.  I would feel some vindication for a dismal weight loss this last year.  I will feel that there is still some hope for losing weight with the band!

Oh....I pd'd tonight.  yeah, really.  I think the soy chips I ate got stuck a little.  So....doesn't that mean I DO have some restriction?????  In less then 12 hours I will know...this will angst will be over with.  I will know if there is a problem with the band, or with my attitude!

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About Me
NY
Location
47.0
BMI
Surgery
01/28/2008
Surgery Date
Jul 07, 2007
Member Since

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Band contradictions
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