angelabee
June 3, 2018 --- Back in the saddle again. I'm 51 and morbidly obese. I had my lap band removed in November of 2018. I am scheduled for gastric bypass surgery on July 15th. I'm nervous but ready!!
August 2005
I've been overweight my entire life. I've been on every diet known to mankind-weight watchers, Lean Line, Trim Spa, Jenny Craig, South Beach, cabbage soup diet. I've been on the lose and gain track for as far back as I can remember. I have so many wardrobes in different sizes, I could open a store. But, I never give up. I just feel lately that I'll never win. I'm petrified of gaining more and more weight. I'm presently counting calories and failing miserably. I went to my doctor and had my thyroid checked. Everything was fine. I hope this may be the beginning of my journey. If someone had said to me a few years ago that I would be thinking about this surgery, I would have laughed. But, it's hard to keep dieting because I never know the result. I never know if this time the diet will work. Is this health club going to be the one that clicks. Unfortunately, the only thing clicking (barely) is my tighter and tighter pants!!!! Getting nervous about taking the next step. Am I crazy?
Consult on September 27th---
Post consultation thoughts: I was impressed by the doctor I went to. But, I feel I'm not going to get approved. UGHHH. I'm not sure how much it's going to cost if I pay for it on my own. When I first came home from the Doctor's office, I was upbeat and confident. Then I went to sleep. OMG! I've always been a worrier, but Sheesh, I practically had myself in the grave.
Mindless rambling: Something very disturbing happened to me a few moments ago. My husband confessed to me that he knows my weight. OMG I was crushed. I fell into bed crying my eyes out. Let me mention that I have PMS. (I'm using that as my excuse. ) :- P I know it's irrational for me to think he would love me less or anything crazy like that. But, the man is 6'3 and weighs 168 lbs. Needless to say; I outweigh the man and could crush him. LOL Ok, I'm feeling better now.
October 17, 2005 - I went for a consult with the doctor that has to do my endoscopy. He was awesome. He is very much in favor of me having this surgery. He even said to me, I think you're making the right decision. Wow! I didn't even go to the doctor my surgeon recommended. I went to the Doctor in my plan. I'm disappointed in the process. God, this takes forever. I'm very impatient. I don't know if I'll get approval for the surgery. That makes it very disappointing.
October 18, 2005 - I feel like talking to my surgeon's office is like talking to a brick wall. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
October 20, 2005 - I've been letting my fingers do the walking. Good grief. I've made so many phone calls lately. I dread what my phone record will look like at work. Anyway, I think my BMI problem has been solved. Unfortunately, (or fortunately), I've been on steroids for a nagging upper respiratory infection. Guess what? I gained weight. I've never been so happy to gain a few pounds. Isn't that just the sickest thing? I mean, I can understand insurances not wanting people to have this if it's unnecessary. But, 7 pounds shouldn't have made a difference. My insurance company told me that they would cover it if my BMI would cover it if my BMI was over 40. Well, I'm 40.6. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I go for my endoscopy on Monday. I did my blood work, my venous doppler is the first week of November. I'm moving right along. My Doctor's office is working on my letter of necessity. My advice to people is get your PCP staff in your corner. They are moving mountains for me. I love you gals!!! On a bad note, my Mom told me that she hopes I don't get insurance approval. Ugggh. I understand why she feels that way. But, she above all people should understand why I want to do this. She should remember the many times I cried on her shoulder about wanting to be a normal weight kid. My husband of 6 months is on my side, but he doesn't really know anything about this. He is the stick your head in the sand type. Gotta love him, but he's clueless about certain things. My mom is taking me to the hospital for my test Monday. She doesn't like the fact that I'm getting anesthesia. But, she loves me and she's there for me. I love you Mom.
The scariest thing about getting insurance denial is the cost of self pay. My doctor's office said the price would be around $40,000 with hospital costs. That sounds crazy!!!! I think she must have misquoted something. It's a possible over night procedure. That sounded high. I could have sworn that she first mentioned $25,000. $40,000 seems massive. I'd have to sell my husband's kidney. (Well, he does have two!) Hee Hee
October 25, 2005 - Went yesterday for the EGD. Wasn't so bad. I was a bit nervous, but nothing traumatic. If you're in the process of getting all your testing done prior to having surgery, this might be helpful to you. My doctor performs the procedure under complete anesthesia. When making my appointment, I based it on when I could be one of his first appointments of the day. I'm a firm believer of the "get it over" mentality. Just like any other testing, I had to refrain from food or liquids after midnight. My Mom picked me up at 8:00 a.m. I got to the hospital and I was allowed to keep my undies and sweatpants on. YEAH! No naked butts here.
The anesthesiologist spoke with me for a few moments and asked me a million questions. An IV was put into my arm and I was able to watch my heart rate and blood pressure etc. while waiting for the doctor to arrive. I actually remember saying to the anesthesiologist, "Is this going to make me go into la la land?" I'm 37 yrs old. Should I be saying la la land? Prob not.
The next thing I remember is hearing my name. "Angela, wake up." Boom! I was wide awake. I was tired and my throat was a little sore. But, otherwise I was doing pretty well. In came my doctor to tell me that I had not one, but FOUR ulcers. Sheesh, never knew. And I also had something called a Schatzki's Ring or Esophagogastric Ring. Basically it's just a ring of tissue that causes swallowing problems and may be related to (GERD). I have to admit I never knew I had any of these problems. The doctor took four biopsies of the tissue (precautionary) and sent me home with a script for protonix. I have to be on this for 10 weeks. I need to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks. After some time, not sure if it's the 10 week period, I will need to have another EGD. Oh joy. Good thing it didn't hurt. I can honestly say that if I had never wanted to have the lap band, I might never have known I had these problems; at least for quite some time. So, all these darn tests are actually a good thing.
After that test, I went to my PCP to get the results of a cat scan that I had for non-WLS reasons. It turns out I have a tumor on my parotid gland. I get to go to the ear nose and throat specialist next week. YUCKY!!!!
October 28, 2005 ---Trick or Treat. I'm eagerly looking forward to what lies ahead for me.
November 1, 2005 --All Saint's Day Ho Hum. I stay up at night and read the boards. I promise myself I'll only read for a half hour. Then I look up at the clock and 3 hours have gone by. My husband is ready to kill me. The PC is in our bedroom. Sheesh. Yesterday, I faxed over my letter my PCP. He is clueless about a letter of necessity, so I offered to draft one. I love his staff, but I have a feeling they might just have him sign the fax. Too funny. I'm going for my shrink appointment next week, my doppler and my ear nose and throat appointment. Oh, also my ulcers are getting checked next week too. I feel like all I do is go places and disrobe. Note to self: Don't do that at my employee review meeting. Hee hee. Toodles
November 2, 2005 --I called my PCP. My letter is ready! Yippee.
November 7, 2005 --Over the weekend I had some serious doubts about doing all of this. Can I live with having something permanently inside my body? I started questioning my motives. I had a nice weekend with my husband and started thinking. I can just diet, drop some weight and I'll be happy. Granted it won't be the 100 lbs I need to lose but so what? I don't need to weigh 140 lbs. I just want to be happy. Well, today I woke up and said, "You are happy. This isn't going to make you happy. It's going to make you healthy and a better person." I picked up my letter from the doctor today. It's getting real. Insurance said I just need the letter and then I go to more waiting.
What if this isn't the right decision? Tomorrow is the venous doppler and then I go to the surgeon for my tumor. I just know that the tumor is nothing. It's just a diversion. I hope. Yikes. Anyway, tomorrow afternoon is also my endo 2 week check-up.
November 8, 2005
Couldn't get the doppler this morning. Ugggg. I didn't have the proper signature on my script. I had a rubber stamp and needed an original. Everybody else accepted the rubber stamp signature. But, hey a rule's a rule. UGHHHH. Re-schedule to the rescue.
November 10, 2005 - MY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT DOCTORS, BUT I KNOW I'M HEALTHY!!!
Where shall I begin? Well, I've been having major doubts lately. I don't know why. I guess it's because the more and more testing I complete, the more it gets real. I'm going to have a band around my stomach and require fills for the rest of my life. It's pretty scary concept. Everytime I get nervous about it I think if I don't do this I'm going to be overweight for the rest of my life. And just how long is my life going to be at the rate I'm going? I'm 37 and I'm having health issues now. What's going to happen when I'm 50! Will I make 50 or will I drop dead of a heart attack? It's all so hard to deal with a times.
I went to the ulcer man. LOL That's who I call my Gastroenterologist. He showed me the ulcers. The are all in my stomach which means I will be forced to take the medicine for 10 weeks so they heal completely. No surgery for me until they heal. I have to have the EGD again. I scheduled it for January 6th. I went to the throat doctor for the tumor in my parotid gland. I can barely see it on the cat-scan. What's the big deal??? LOL Well, I have to have an MRI to see what exactly it is. More doctors. Last night I went to see the shrink. It was my first visit to the head doctor. I must admit I wanted him to be an old man with a pipe, jotting things down on a pad and nodding, "A-hum, yes, tell me more." No such luck. He looked about my age and had a lap top. Tomorrow I go for my second attempt at a venous doppler. I got a signed script for the doctor. I also have an appointment for cardiac clearance. God only knows what that entails. Monday I have an appointment with an orthopedist to find out about the pain in my neck. My insurance is going to explode! Oh here's the best part! My OBGYN called and said that my pap smear came back suspicious and that I have to have a colposcopy. I had that once before. YUCK!!!
November 11
If I have one more f-ing test that reveals a potential problem I'm going to scream!!!!!!!!!!!! My husband of 6 months wants to trade me in already. I went for my venous doppler today. I'm assuming everything's ok, but hey ya never know. Later today I went for my cardiac clearance. I had an EKG. Pardon my ignorance, but at least I think that's what it was. I had sticky electrodes pressed all over my bare breasts and stomach. That was thrilling and cold. In walks the doctor to read the results. "Hey, you have a heart murmur and a flutter. Do you have chest pain?" he innocently asks me. "What?" I utter with contempt. What are you talking about? I'm fine. Get me the hell out of here. "I'm going to set you up with a thallium stress test Tuesday and on Monday why don't we get you in here for some other form of torture." I thought to myself, "I'd rather you set me up with Brad Pitt."
Let's see now, so far I've discovered in a little over a months time that I have:
a) 4 ulcers and a lower esophageal ring (charming, I named the ulcers after my husband. He's not amused. I thought it was cute.)
b) a small tumor AND a cyst in my parotid gland together forming a big mass of lime flavored jello (fibbing about the flavor) Cat scan scheduled
c) While reading cat scan of tumor, doctor thought it would be amusing to share that I have a deviated septum. (I'm Sicilian, I thought he was maligning my heritage and implying I was crooked.)
d) Routine Pap smear reveals abnormal cells. Been there, seen that before. Place a colposcope up my where?
e) And finally God has given me an extended period. I'm on day 9.
All kidding aside, I realize that having an Ethel Merman (heart murmur) and a heart flutter and everything else I mentioned, are not life threatening. All these tests are precautionary. But, for the love of God if my psych evaluation comes back and people are knocking on my door with white jackets. . .I guess I won't be posting for a while. I'm still shooting for a January date.
November 16, 2005 I had to cancel my thallium stress test yesterday. I have sinusitis. LOL The annoying hits just keep on coming. All joking aside, I realize I'm lucky that I don't have anything over the top. I know that. However, ENOUGH!!!!! oh still have my period! Aint that grand? I've never had it this long. If I still have it on Thursday, I'll call my OBGYN. YUCK!
11.18.05 Why are men so stupid? I got a phone call at 6:00 tonight from the diagnostic something or other. This lovely woman called to tell met he results of my echocardiogram. I don't know what the heck she was telling me. It didn't sound good. I'll find out soon, I guess. I cried for some reason when I was attempting to tell my husband how I felt. He hugged me and said he loves me no matter how much I weigh. WTF is that supposed to mean? I was concerned about my health not what I looked like at that point! Thank GOD I don't carry a fire arm. I know I would have shot him. Well, I would have fired a warning shot in his head first!!!! OK, feeling better now.
11.27.05 Today is my first day with my updated profile. It's very nice. Thanks Rene S!!! I went for my stress test and everything worked out fine. It was a bit uncomfortable at times. I can't sit still to save my life and that was the hardest part of the whole process. I received a phone call the night before thanksgiving and a woman said everything looked good. YEAHHHHHH. Tomorrow, I'll call the doctor's office and find out about my status with the insurance company. It seems the only thing holding me back is the ulcers. Well, of course insurance approval too!
12/5/05 I got a letter in the mail from my insurance company today. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Is this the letter? Have I been approved or worse---denied? I couldn't bring myself to open the envelope. So, I tore one part open and held it up to the light. Damn! I can't see. Finally I ripped it open and saw. . ."your claim is covered under your insurance, however it must be approved under the pre-cert department." UGHHHHHHHH more waiting!!!
12/8/05 I'm ready to call my Mommy! I picked up my MRI's today. I swear to God, my head looks like a cat. It's very strange looking. I don't understand a thing on the report or the films. I read one thing and look it up on -line and then start thinking about wills for Pete's sakes. Oh well, life goes on. I think I'll live. Night! Oh, one more thing. I can't stop eating. I've been eating and eating and eating. I don't know what's wrong. I think it's crazy. I'm afraid to weigh myself. I fear what the scale will say. I know it's wrong, but I just keep eating.
12/13/05
Still no word on insurance. I think they are evil. All I want for Christmas is a waistline! Sheesh!!!!!
12.21.05
I'M APPROVED! I'M APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006
January 4, 2006
The waiting is the hardest part. (Please sing along to the Tom Petty song please.) Friday I have my second endoscopy to see if my four little ulcers have healed. Keeping my fingers crossed!!!
January 9, 2006
I have a date! I have a date! I have a date! January 25, 2006! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
January 20, 2006
I'm don't feel like I'm nervous. But, I guess I must be. I'm one big hive lately. A part of me is afraid that having hives is my body's last ditch effort to remain fat. Out, Out damn hives!!! I'm getting banded! Ok, I'm a little melodramatic. What can I say? Hee Hee. FIVE MORE DAYS!!!! FIVE MORE DAYS. My goal is to lose 50 lbs by July 4th. I can do it. And ya know what? If I don't it's ok. It just matters that I can do something to help myself rather than sit here and feel sorry for myself.
January 24, 2006
Well, it's the day before the big one. I'm nervous, excited, sad and tired. I'm nervous about whether I'm making the right decision. I'm excited about the prospect of succeeding where I have failed before. I'm sad that it's come to this. I'm tired of waiting. CUT ME ALREADY. LOL Toodles!
January 29, 2006
I will be honest with you and never sugarcoat. I honestly have to say that this didn't hurt as much as I had thought. But, I pictured extreme agony. LOL I stayed in the hospital overnight and pressed the morphine drip every 15 minutes that I was allowed. I did that so that I wouldn't be in pain. I'm a big chicken. When I got home, I foolishly sat at the computer for 35 minutes straight. OUCH! I paid dearly for that. My tummy hurt. The gas pain is the worst. Everyone says walk, walk, walk. Well, I walked, and I still had it. I think it's just a fact of life. I took two doses of liquid roxicet since being home. I decided that the nausea and gas pain couldn't be cured by taking roxcicet, so I stopped. It's day 5 after surgery, and I feel pretty good. I'm weak from the lack of real food I think. I am hungry, but I wouldn't be able to eat much anyway. LOL I dream of cottage cheese and yogurt. I can't wait until Thursday. One other thing, boy am I cranky!!! Note to anyone with a spouse: Have flowers delivered to THEM five days after YOUR surgery. Write on the card, "I'm sorry."
I've been a super b*tch to my wonderful husband. He's done everything for me. But, when I see him eating, I get the urge to strangle him. I got up yesterday and made him scrambled eggs, bacon, coffee, juice and an English muffin. An hour later, I was ripping his head off because he left the toilet seat down. (Yes, down.) Marriage is a wonderful thing. Toodles. I have a picture of my tummy. The doctor gave it to me as some sort of goody bag. I have to wait until I get back to work, because I don't have a scanner.
1/30/06
Liquid hell: I'm not enjoying this one bit. I know I sound like a whiney shrew but jello, broth and ice pops aren't cutting it for me. I feel good and I'm hungry. But, I'm determined to do this the right way. Here's a little trick I've been doing right from the beginning. My surgeon gave me explicit instructions to drink an ounce of liquid every 15 minutes. NO MORE THAN AN OUNCE IN 15 MINUTES. While in the hospital, the staff gave me these little 1 ounce containers to use with my meals. Well, they gave me 15 of them. I took them home, along with the little pillow I swiped. YIKES. What can I say, I forgot my pillow for the ride. Anyway, when I got home I've been using those containers and a measuring cup. Any liquid I have gets put into a measuring cup. I boil broth, in the measuring cup it goes. Then I bring that with me to the table and I pour it into the little ounce cups from the hospital. It's perfect. I don't over drink!!
YEAH!
Here's my post from today:
I ended up in the supermarket today. Imagine that? Angela in a supermarket. Sound the alarms. I needed a few more cans of broth. Yummy. NOT. As I was beebopping along the aisles, I started singing a rendition of a song in "Oliver" in my head. "Food, glorious food, so scrumptious and yummy. Food, glorious food, give me some in my 1 ounce tummy!!!!" I can't stop singing it. AHHHHHHHHHH
I googled the real lyrics, here are the ones I thought quite appropriate for my mood today:
Food, glorious food!
What wouldn't we give for
That extra bit more --
That's all that we live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On food,
Magical food,
Wonderful food,
Marvellous food,
Fabulous food.
January 31, 2006
Left side pain is a b*tch. I broke down today and took some pain meds. Silly me took a tablespoon instead of a teaspoon. Oh baby, I'm flying. Look Ma, no hands.
Feb. 9, 2005
Went back to work today, finally. It felt good to do something other than obsess about my band. I still have not mastered my addiction of eating and drinking. I think I'm eating ok. For breakfast I had a protein shake, my snack was a Stallone Pudding (20 grams of protein), my lunch was tomato soup, my dinner was chicken, asparagus, gravy and mashed potatoes. I put them in my food processor. My diet allows me to eat an 1/8 of a cup of chicken, 1/8 mashed potatoes, 1/8 gravy, 1/8 veggie. Believe it or not, it was satisfying. Later I had another pudding. I wonder if I ate too much. I'm not sure. It's like starting a new sport. You're not an expert in the beginning. It's a learning process. I'm taking my vitamins and following the guidelines, but I'm sure I'm doing something wrong. I go to the doctor in a week. I'm sure I'll get a fill at that point. Life is good. Today I finished my second week. And I'm moving on towards my third phase food wise. I weighed myself and I'm 229 on my home scale. YIPPPEEE. That's down 4 lbs. down from last week. I've now lost a total of 25 lbs. YEAHHHHH.
FEBRUARY 13, 2006
My Mom told my Dad about the true nature of my surgery. "My name is Angela and I lied to my father about what type of surgery I had." Yes, I admit it. I had hiatal hernia surgery. I've almost convinced myself that's the type of surgery I had. Well, yesterday I called to talk with my Dad and we started chatting. He asked how I felt and I said great. I told him I've lost weight. He said, "Well, Mom told me you had the band put in." Silence. Did I hear him correctly? Did my father just say something about the band or am I delusional? (Both are entirely possible.) So, I said, "Oh yeah, Mom told you?" He said, "yes." I told him that I really needed to do something because my weight was unhealthy. Do you know what he said next? (Here it comes. The reason that despite being my father, he is still . . .a man.) He said, "Well, you were starting to look like you were bulking up for a prize fight." I started laughing and couldn't stop. I think after 5 hours my husband wanted to slap me. I kept saying, "Gee, honey, why don't you have some more ham, after all the prize fight is tomorrow." Or "Would you like some ice cream? The prize fight, ya know." He begged me to stop or at the very least, go to my parent's house and say it to them.
Cake anyone? After all, the prize fight is tomorrow. Parents, ya gotta love em!
February 17, 2006
Life is good. Yesterday, I conquered my fear of eating real food. I had tofu and veggie stir-fry. This used to be my favorite pre-WLS. It was delish. I ate a decent size portion. YEAH. Then I made some sugar-free pudding and added some protein drink mix to it; yummy, so much better than Stallone pudding. UGHHH. That crap literally burned my lips when I ate it. It just tasted like chemicals. The first one I had was ok, because I was pretty much starving. But, the next two were torture. No No No.
February 18, 2006
It's a nice feeling to be in control over food, isn't it? I think that's what I like the best so far. FOOD DOES NOT RULE MY LIFE. (Um, perhaps this board does.) LMFAO
February 23, 2006
Look Ma, no hands. I decided to coast a bit and not get a fill. My Doc gave me a choice and I decided, Nope! I'm happy with my weight loss and I just want to ease into this and not feel rushed into it.
5'5
254/227/145
banded 1/25/06
March 6, 2006
yippeee! I'm down to 223! That's 31 lbs gone. I feel like I'm really going to accomplish my goal. I'm feeling great. I've been having a few glasses of wine now and then, but I'm still doing great! My hunger is under control.
March 8, 2006
I weighed myself today and I'm down to 221.5. I have to stop weighing myself. It's become an obsession. But, I have to be careful because my Doctor told me to schedule a fill if I gain weight or if I don't lose at least 2 lbs. a week. (Ok, maybe I'm taking it one step to far.
March 16, 2006
I'm going to write on the chalk board 100 times, "I will not eat and drink together, and more importantly, I will chew my food until my jaw aches" Let's just say I had a cup of coffee while driving to work. Then I stopped and decided to get some egg whites, peppers and ham/no bread. Well, the first few bites were groovy. Then all of a sudden-----record skips off the track here. . lump in throat. Hmmm, what's going on here? I start to feel uncomfortable. I look at my evil plate of food and think, "I better stop and save that for later." After a few more moments of unpleasant pain in chest, I pick up the offending meal and hurl it into the garbage can. A few more moments pass and then my nose starts running. Wait, nose running, pain in chest? Naomi mentioned this! I've got to get to the ladies room. Thankfully, I start work early (7:00 a.m.) and basically the offices are empty. I walk very quickly to the restroom. (I must remember to count this as my exercise of the day.) I barely get into the bathroom when I start foaming at the mouth. I'm still not overly concerned. I burp a few times. Nothing much, just pain in chest. I start thinking I'm a moron and that I'll never do this again. Then I start thinking about that post about the woman who didn't want to vomit. I start running through the posts in my head, "Should I vomit, or maybe vomiting is worse? Should I just go back to my office and lock the door and hope it passes? Or should I stay here and burp some more?" Then I start thinking? What if I choke to death on foam? Who will find me? What color underwear am I wearing? Are they my good underwear? Then I wonder if the ambulance attendant will be cute or some skinny ass runt who needs 10 men to lift my body into the gurney. Finally, just as I'm deciding if vomiting is good or bad . . .the choice is made for me. Up comes the offending egg whites and some pieces of ham. I feel better immediately and swear, "I will not eat and drink together, and more importantly, I will chew my food until my jaw aches." I assume the whole scene took about 20 minutes. Gee that was fun. NOT. What the hell was I thinking?
Note to self: Don't be a cocky bander. The band snaps when it gets abused. Sheesh! I have to admit I didn't think I'd PB, foam, or hurl since I haven't had a fill yet.
Oh, did I mention that I gained two pounds from all my b-day celebrations? Yup! I'm bad. But, I won't continue on my bad path. Well, I don't think I ate anything bad this morning, I just ate too fast.
March 24, 2006
I had my first fill today. It was a piece of cake. I stressed over nothing. I'm down 35 pounds and I'm looking forward to a bit more restriction. My Doctor is such a down to Earth person. He's not a "Me doctor, you peon type guy." Ciao
April 12, 2006
My life has been pretty hectic. My husband and I sold our condo and bought a beautiful house. Yeahhhh. And the cherry on the top is that I'm still losing weight and feeling restriction! I'm down to 209. Onderland is in sight!!!!
April 18, 2006
Here comes Peter Cotton Tail hopping down the bunny trail. What can I say, I'm a few days late celebrating Easter. Anyway, I ate a few things I shouldn't have on Easter, but it was ok. I'm human and I don't intend to be super strict bander girl. I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 205.5. Yipppeeeeeee. (I'm guessing I weighed less before Easter, but I force myself not to weigh myself every day. Hee Hee. That makes 48.50 pounds in almost 3 months time; not bad in my opinion. I'm thrilled with it. Ciao
April 27, 2006
Life is good. I'm losing slower, but I'm still losing. I'm down to 201. I'm very happy with my loss to date. So far, 51 lbs gone in three months! Wahhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooo! I'm amazed at the fact that as time progresses, I'm not able to tolerate certain foods I used to be able to eat before my fill. I can no longer eat pork. No matter how much I chew it, it just gets stuck. I've learned the hard way to avoid it now. I tried some popcorn and that was fine. I also added some nuts into the mix. They go down a little too easy. I'll have to watch myself with them. I'm supposed to go back to my surgeon at the end of May for a fill. I'll continue monitoring my progress and see how that goes.
May 2006 - Well apparently I was busy. LOL
June 2, 2006 - Just got back from my second fill. I've gained a few pounds! But, I'm not discouraged. I know what I've been doing wrong and I know what I need to do. The game is on!!!
June 5, 2006 - I'm very hungry and I don't seem to be getting full on clear liquids. So, I moved myself gradually to mushies. He wanted me to stay on clear liquids until today and then mushies until Friday. But, as long as I can tolerate it ok, I'm having some cottage cheese and mashed potatoes. I just ate a banana. I hope I'm not sabotaging myself. We shall see.
June 6, 2006
Has anyone else noticed that I can't add or subtract? I guess part of the problem is that I don't remember my starting weight. Duh! Who cares? I'm 199!!! Yippeeeeeee
June 22, 2006
I'm not satisfied with the amount of food I should be eating. So, I'm snacking like a little piggy. I've been chowing down on reduced fat cheese its! Those babies are E-V-I-L. I can eat a few handfuls! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
July 25, 2006
This board is the closest I have to a diary. So, please allow me the outlet for this pain. On July 14th, I took a pregnancy test and you guessed it, I was pregnant for the first time. My husband and I were scared and oh so excited. I tried to tell him that we should keep this quiet, but he couldn't contain himself and neither could I. We told a "few" close family members and friends. I went to my OBGYN on Monday and had a blood test. I got the results the next day that I was 100% preggers. One bad sign was that my progesterone levels were low. So, my doc prescribed a supplement. Off, I went to get the supplement and scheduled my ultrasound for Thursday. Well, on Thursday, July 20th I went alone to the docs at 10:45 a.m. I was so excited. For the first time in the OBGYN's office, I picked up a baby magazine. My hubby and I are newlyweds (first marriage for both) and he is 47 and I am 38. I mention this because neither of us ever had a burning desire to have kids. I love children, but I always thought I was too selfish to give up my freedom. Well, as I anxiously awaited my turn, I spied the very pregnant women in the waiting room. I rubbed my belly (which aint flat, I am in the obesityhelp site, ya know, :lol: and thought to myself, "soon that will be me." My name was called and off I went. I was surprised to discover that my ultrasound was a vaginal one. Sheesh. Am I that ignorant? :LOL: I just assumed it would be over my belly. Well, the tech confirmed that I was 7 weeks and that it wasn't ectopic. For some reason, that was my biggest fear. Well, she left and then came back and said, "Get dressed and wait in the other room." Off I went. The OBGYN walked in and said the words that echo in my head, "Ang, it's not a good pregnancy." The room started to spin and I couldn't talk. "What?" I eeked out. He added, "There's no heartbeat." I just couldn't talk and started to cry. He then told me that I needed to have a D&C and he comforted me by saying, "It happens and it wasn't preventable." yadda yadda yadda. I asked if there could be a mistake. Is this really happening? Why did this happen? Why? I left and called my husband with the bad news. My OBGYN convinced me to have the D&C in his office without anesthesia. I thought it seemed normal. I never dreamed that the physical pain would be so bad. I knew emotionally, I would be dying, but I never anticipated it would hurt so much. I'm not sure if I'm exaggerating this but I was moaning in agony. I've had this lap band procedure, fusion of my spine in two places, tonsils removed, and five nerve blocks and honest to God, other than back surgery, this was the most painful procedure I've had to endure. I've always had a high tolerance for pain. I complained to the doctor and said, "Who told you this isn't painful? You should be aware that this is very painful." He told me that I contracted more than any other person he's every done this to. 'Gee, I'm thrilled to be a winner of the contraction contest.'
I cry every day remembering that the baby inside me is gone. I had 32 baby girl names on my computer at work. (Oh, and one boy name.) :lol: I only knew that baby for a short time, but it was a part of me. I dread the future now. Because, I know I'm now going to be one of those people desperate to get pregnant. I never wanted to be that person. My husband is crushed as well. When will the pain stop? Will I ever have a baby to hold and love? Thank God, I'm a believer in God and my belief has helped me tremendously. I told my husband, that as Catholics we accept the fact that life begins at conception and that our baby died--not just some bits of tissue, but our baby. I know it sounds nutty, but I'm a liberal voter and thinker, and have always supported a woman's right to choose. I don't let my religious beliefs interfere with my convictions. I know God wouldn't punish me for my thoughts, but is he testing me? I don't know. I'm all mixed up right now. We will get through this, but it won't be easy. I won't just forget this happened. But, each day it will get better.
August 11, 2006
Well, I'm going for my fill today. This will be the third one. I must admit, the second one did absolutely nothing. I'm starting over and need to control myself more than I have in the past two months. I've allowed myself too many snacks and that has sabotaged me. I gained back. . .drum roll . . .8 lbs since my last fill. I'm glad I chose this surgery, but I need more self control. I got cocky. I loved the attention, "Oh, you look good, have you lost some weight?" I ate it all up, the compliments and a sleeve of reduced fat chocolate chip cookies. LOL No more. I'm feeling better emotionally since the miscarriage and I'm ready to take it on.
August 14, 2006
Hello. I went for my fill on Friday and requested "an aggressive one". I need to have more self control, but I also need to have more restriction. I'm hoping this will help me help myself. The weekend was brutal because I'm on clear liquids and we had a huge party at our marina and all everybody did was eat and eat and eat and eat and drink. What a bunch of pigs. LOL I never noticed how much snacking I must be doing every weekend at the boat. Cheese, crackers, chips, etc. No wonder I gained recently instead of losing. It was hard explaining why I wasn't eating to people. I don't tell many people about my surgery. My sisters-in-law were constantly asking me questions. "What diet is this that you can only have liquids?" "Well, does it work?" I've lost 50 lbs. So, I guess they haven't noticed. What a bunch of skinny turkeys. My only hope is that one day they pork up and I'll be looking HOT!!!
Ciao
August 17, 2006
Doing good since the fill. I'm hungry, but not starving. I'm a little depressed today. I would have been just out of my first trimester this week. I know I should stop it already, but I can't get it out of my head. Well, the good news is that my husband and I are "practicing" a lot lately. LOL
August 22, 2006
Still struggling with this adjustment which was August 11th. I can’t' seem to chew things enough and they just get stuck. I'm not giving up, but it's getting exhausting. I know that if I had followed the rules better, I'd be better off with this tighter fill. I know I'm not too tight and don't need an unfill. But last night I had an Asian Chicken Salad at a nice restaurant with my friend. (She just had breast augmentation and looks fabulous. She's not a wls patient. She just wanted the boobs lifted. LOL) Anyway, I ate a few pieces of the salad and felt a little stuck, but kept going. What in God's name was I thinking. Well, I felt like I needed to hurl right there and then but I didn't. I got into my car and looked for something to puke in and behold the Drug Fair bag. LOL I let it rip. I then drove to an area where I could throw that foul stuff in the garbage. UGHH. I got home and had some soup and my tummy was fine. I know I shouldn't have kept going. I had all the soft stops, hiccups, running nose, etc. I'm a dodo head. UGGHHH.
August 25, 2006
Good morning, folks. I was able to eat real food yesterday. Yehhh. I had some stuffed sole and veggies. I ate very slowly and all was fine. Foolishly I ate rice at lunch and that was not good. What in the world was I thinking? Oh well. I'm still stressing about not getting my period yet. It's been over a month now. I actually bought a pregnancy test. Yes, I am certifiable. LOL Feeling groovy. Bought a new pair of jeans. I'm back in size 18's. Yippee. My lovely belly hang is so yucky. LOL I'm going to need to do some sit-ups or buy a wagon.
8.29.06
My head is swimming. I seem to be able to eat better than I was just following the fill, but last night was horrible. I had seafood soup with veggies and broth. I barely took a few swallows and I felt stuck. Badly stuck. Stuck like I was choking to death. I took some papaya enzyme (4 tablets) and I felt better in an hour. Scared the hell out of me. And I took another pregnancy test. The line is def darker. I don't know if I'm still testing positive because of the recent miscarriage. I'm just going to stop buying tests and start relaxing. (Yeah, sure. lol)
September 6, 2006
Ok, I swore I wouldn't get excited or tell a soul. . .but I'm pregnant again. Just call me fertile myrtle. I wasn't supposed to get pregnant so soon after the miscarriage but the doctor said, I am so it's too late to worry about that now. I'm so nervous. I get the blood work back tomorrow. But, my cervix is bluish in color and the doctor feels it's pretty sure I'm pregnant. I know I will be on pins and needles until I have an ultrasound. That's what the hardest part was for me--discovering the lack of a heartbeat. Please God, let it all be ok. I'm thinking positively. But, I know anything can happen.
September 27, 2006
I had my band unfilled yesterday. Thank goodness. Morning sickness has been unbelievably rough on me. I could barely eat anything. I survived on cottage cheese and (yikes) reeces peanut butter cups. Don't ask. I'm very nervous and excited about my ultrasound tomorrow. I know it's going to be scary for the wait when she looks for the heartbeat again. We saw and heard it at the 7 week ultrasound. My doctor is being very cautious with this pregnancy and I'm so grateful. My band doctor was very good about the unfill yesterday. I told him that I hope I see him in nine months for a fill!!
October 30, 2006
Boo-- It's almost Halloween. Next year at this time, I'll have a beautiful baby in my arms.
