Angelofmusic219
'Twas two weeks before Christmas,
Dec 23, 2008
When I scheduled a fill! Lots of people thought I was crazy since that means strict dietary limitations for a couple of weeks during a festive food time of the year. After my unfill, once the nauseous anxiety feeling subsided, I found I was able to eat again, almost like my band wasn't even there. That was more than a mixed blessing. I enjoyed Thanksgiving, but for whatever reason, that holiday is relatively easily contained to one day. Christmas, on the other hand, seems to last the ENTIRE month of December. During my unfill, I didn't lose anything, but didn't gain either; an important lesson for later on when I want to maintain. However, this newfound freedom of eating kind of scared me and I knew I needed to do some pre-emptive damage control, hence the fill back on 12/8.I'm now able to eat solids again, and although I don't feel super restricted, I find that my band has become a major dose of reality check. I managed to get through baking 8 different kind of cookies, bread, and two Christmas parties without a major binging meltdown. I ate more than I thought I would, but certainly not like in days of old. Finding that area of moderation is still rather elusive, but I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of it.
Some important lessons learned during this holiday season regarding Peace on Earth in my lifetime:
1. Behold the power of NO. As in politely declining fattening, sugary treats unless they are specifically part of a party (not eating goodies sent in to our office by clients during the weeks before Christmas). Also as in politely declining invitations to gatherings when I know I'll already be exhausted, like a party on a Friday night after I've worked all day and then rehearsed Christmas carols with the children's choir. Not easy, but an important skill I'm still perfecting.
2. Taking back control of my life. Okay, so this is one I'm more or less earmarking for next Christmas. I mean the baked goods here. There is really no good reason that I need to spend the equivilent of 3 entire days mixing and baking cookies that will likely not be eaten in their entirety. Seriously, I was so unmotivated to bake this year, but because other people enjoy some of these, I felt the need to suck it up and bake them anyway; why should they suffer because of my issues. Well, dammit, I'm tired of first thinking about what everyone else expects of me. What about what I want? What's important to me and my life, my health? Next year, the cookie baking is going to be drastically scaled back. I'm thinking 3, possibly 4 kinds of cookies and THAT'S IT. If anyone wants anything else, pick up a mixer and start making them yourself. I'm not the only person in the world who knows how to bake, nor should I be expected to be.
3. The therapeutic value of exercise. There is really a noticeable difference in how I feel on days when I work out versus days that I skip. Are there really that many other "important" things to do that I cannot schedule 30 minutes of activity that is just for me? I think not. In fact, I don't have time NOT to work out if I want to get ahead of the weight loss game in January and even work out that nasty Seasonal affective Disorder that rears its ugly head this time of year.
4. Don't take things personally. Again, another one that is really a continual work in progress. Dr. Miller and I speak about this one a LOT. There are a lot of people out there who are just so miserable and, as they say, "misery loves company." They key is to not be sucked into the vortex of their toxic ways by knowing when to back off. My problem is that I try to fix everything. So much of trying to constantly be a people pleaser goes hand in hand with taking other people's crap personally. I'm learning though. For example, yesterday at our Christmas party, nobody cut into my bread. I felt a little hurt because I had busted my ass on it for hours and everyone in my family had always raved about it in the past. I really had expected to have rave reviews again, so imagine my disappointment when it didn't happen. Could it be that something I touched didn't turn to gold? How awful! But, when I stepped back and viewed the situation more objectively, I noticed that there was a RIDICULOUS amount of food at this party (one conference room alone devoted to desserts). There were many other desserts besides mine that had not yet been sampled. Actually, it turned out to be a good thing because now I can "recycle" that bread for Christmas... no need to bake another one tomorrow and create even more stress.
I went to a yoga class last night and the instructor was talking about finding the perfect gift. She suggested that perhaps the "perfect" gift isn't among those that we spend countless hours seeking out in the stores on online, but a valuable gift of time for ourselves.
As I re-read what I've written here, it's tough for me to hush the inner voice that criticizes the content of my writing as selfish. You know what, who cares if it is selfish? Perhaps the problem is that for so long I haven't taken enough time for myself to care for myself and nuture myself. What good are we to others when we ourselves are in need of attention? In a time when so many demands are expected from us, maybe what we need to remember is that timeless advice that we get from the airlines in their pre-take-off safety presentation: Put your own oxygen mask on first and THEN assist those around you. Airlines take a lot of flack (much of it rightfully deserved), but they certainly hit the nail on the head with that one.
Merry Christmas everyone!
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About Me
Madison, NJ
Location
33.3
BMI
Surgery
03/18/2008
Surgery Date
Jan 20, 2008
Member Since
