LisaK/ UnstapledLisa

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Hi! 
My rny anniversary was 12-5. 

Unlike most of my wls peers, while I still remain on here to support patients from ideal to catastrophic outcomes, I don't celebrate either my gastric bypass or my reversal of it. 

As I've said before, I don't regret that I had bariatric surgery, like I did for quite a few years before and the year of my reversal in 2010. 

But in my case I wouldn't have it again, either. 

My weight fluctuates a lot, without being thin, like I was over over 7 years post rny, I was the heaviest I had ever been in my entire life by Summer of 2021, I went to lose like 20 lbs from then to April 2022 and then another 40. 

So I'm 60 lbs from my all time heaviest (43 from heaviest prior to rny) and 65 lbs from lightest. 

I'd like to lose 20-30 more lbs and while I can't be all obsessive about weight, I'm at least happy to be in onederland again and to try and stay at my weight now if Ican't lose anymore (I have severe hypothyroidism, allergic to synthroid) it's not like I can eat a ton of food being reversed, and it's harder in the last 3 years, as from 2010 to 2019 I had gastroparesis from reversal and then I got cellulitis in my face and the antibiotics left me with c-diff for the last 3 years which I'm on and off asytomatic but terrified of needing another antibiotic again. 

Again, all of journies vary. I'm biologically related to one of the healthiest, kept 95 percent of weight off, exercises athletically (like I used to in da olden days 16 years ago and went to school to be a cpt but was too sick by the time I got certification)  who can eat anything 20 year post op who only had to pick up intense exercise a little over 10 years ago and never has to think about having bariatric surgery which would be my sister who had rny 10 months after I did.

My father had rny in 1981 when I was 12, was revised by my surgeon the day befor my sister's rny and his revision cleared up a lot of adhesions and it actually made it easier for him to eat so he never lost weight and he at almost 77 is SMO but he can do a lot of things including eat way more than I can but having bariatric surgery definitely saved and prolonged his life and slowed down the morbidities due to his SMO status that he didn't get hit with morbidities that he didn't have a family history of until just a few years ago. 

My mom has always been a healthy weight, my other sister (there's 3 girls in our family and we are 18 months or so apart) has never been more than overweight but has to monitor closely what she eats and exercise a ton to be super thin and fit, way more careful than my rny sister has to be. 

Point in all of this, is we all vary, 3 out of 5 of us in my family had drastically different long term outcomes post bariatric surgery all of the quite atypical and my non bariatric surgery sister has to work harder than my bariatric sister to stay thin and fit and in my case and it's not about not taking responsibility but again a lot of my weight fluctuations are NOT within the realm of my control and again not looking for dieting advice. 

Just trying to give an update, as I've been a part of this community for so long (over 21 years) and I do try when I can to provide support whenever I can, but it's not in my best interest to remain superglued to all the bariatric surgery communities even though it's not like my reversal "jumped me out" so to speak out of being a wls peep. 

Peace... 

Okay... 

I've been away from here, for almost 2 years and while so many of you are great, it was good for me, while still supporting the wls community in optimal to awful outcomes, to just keep doing that in less digital spaces or when people email me privately about gastric bypass reversals.

And I did NOT do that because I ended up gaining an enormous amount of weight from 2017 to like 2018, where both eating a ton or certain medications weren't to play in my weight gain, like they did before my reversal.

I mean I like gained almost 90 lbs and was heavier than I was in my entire life both last Summer and last December, which by the holidays, It's been major issues with Gastroparesis stuff, chronic pain, etc and so while not doing much, just staying homebound I lost 50 lbs and for the first time in the last week, in almost 2 years,  I'm 2 lbs in onderland. 

 

I had to a long time ago which I don't advise for most bariatric surgical patients, but in my case to give up on caring what I weigh and look like. Not to say when I nearly hit 250, which is the heaviest I've ever been, in my entire life that I loved it, exactly a year agoit just wasn't something I was going to beat myself up for, as I haven't ate enough to cause weight gain in what would be normal people, in the last 2 years, but there's nothing normal about me and I don't feel like I weigh any less.

Food isn't my best friend or my worst enemy according to attitude. It is really hard 90% to eat, drink or take medicne in the last year. I feel like a huge busted can of biscuits. I felt way better at a heavier weight (my heaviest weight prior to rny was 233) then I did 3 years ago when I was 40 lbs less. 11 years ago when I was 65-70 less, I still didn't feel better at my smallest because of the bleeding ulcers, severe nutritional defiencies and severe reactive hypogycemia, which came back with a vengence last year. 

I am biologically related to one of the most healthiest happy post ops who doesn't even remember they had a gastric bypass 17 years ago, I had a parent who a revision the day before and original rny almost 40 years ago where both can eat more and do more than I can, and one of my sisters is doing great (one parent and one other sibling never had weight issues) and both can eat way more than I can, the majority of the time, as well as do way more than I can and never have to think about their bariatric sugeries even though my parent is 23 years older than I am and is SMO. 

I'm not looking for food, weight or any kind of health advice, not saying that to be mean. Chances are most people won't go through what I have, most people won't even have the same long term outcome as 3 out of 5 of us in my immediate family did. 

What I am here for is to say to those who had a bad outcome that's  just grad weight gain, there are worse things and there are better grads to look for advice or inspiration to lose regain. 

That's not the purpose I serve in the wls community even though  I know a lot of long term grads who had overall a great experience. I still believe that bariatric surgery from my perspective, should be considered as a last resort intervention but it does change people's lives for the better. 

For those of us though where things don't get better and they don't look like they will ever get better and life has been changed upside down in a worse weigh than being of excessive weight can be, there is support with me and other bariatric surgical complication support groups. 

I hope no one ever has to know from me, as a longer term reversal blogger where my reversal blgos do get read on WordPress not just in the U.S. but in SIX other continents, or any other complication/reversed blogger/vlogger or support person. 

I'm just glad in the last 9 years since my reversal and 18 years that the wls community stays open and diverse to properly educate and support the community which has always been the intention of this site. 

Peace 

Wow, it's been 16 years since my gastric bypass. 

While most people know me more for my being reversed, I am still now supportive of weight loss surgery as an interevention for Obesity and while I defend people's right to be upset or devastated for having a bad outcome, I definitely defend and understand those who were happy they had weight loss surgery and/or had an optimal outcome. 

So I still will remain as a resource for support as a long term vet, where in my case, and I have gained some weight this year, where I'm glad I kept a significant amount off (almost 1/2 my excess weight -53lbs) but at the same time, it's not helpful to me, at least to dwell constantly on what I eat, what I weigh, what I look like, all the time. 

That's not saying I don't make an effort to keep some weight off, I didn't go through everything I did, to both dwell on weight matters too much, at the same time, it would be sad for me to have gone through everything I have, for it to be for nothing, either. 

Peace... 

I have been MIA, in many social media forums regarding wls, including OH.com, because I've been off social media, for the most part, only going on Facebook, like once a month, Twitter, virtually NEVER and here, it's been several months. 

Truthfully, while not being on any form of social media, for uncontrolled periods of time, is good for me, for multiple reasons, it's not good for me, from a weight perspective. 

And I haven't really changed my eating and or exercise that much, to warrant the weight I gained. I've just weight cycled enough, and being the age that I am, with metabolic and thyroid issues that I can't take meds for, try to manage my weight without getting too obsessive about it, at the same time, for me personally, I can't ignore weight gain, either, for too long, because I am capable of gaining a lot of weight in a short period of time.

I'm still at maintaining (barely) at half my excess weight off, but as I get older, it's harder to handle all the weight I carry in my middle, not to mention, I'm in the rare category of being a human being who could gain 500 lbs, gain all the physical co-morbids of Obesity (that I've yet to never have, other than the psychological both before and after rny) an NO ethical bariatric surgeon would do any type of wls, on me. 

In my case, it's better for me to just work on maintaining, with still eating with some balance, then to get too preoccupied with a mindset of micromanaging my diet. I get that works for me, it doesn't work for most bariatric surgical patients, because if we could inherently eat with a balanced mindset, most of us wouldn't need bariatric surgery, to begin with (well, it's a lot more complicated than that) so in my case, I can't worry about what I used to be, just have to worry about what I am now, both weight related and not, going forward. 

But I feel bad, as I thought I made it clearer, in all avenues that I exist for multiple forms of wls support (i.e. weight regain, complications, reversal of gastric bypass, mental health post wls) of getting a hold of me such as my personal email address. 

Anyhow, I feel bad for those people who didn't realize emailing me, was the best way to go as far as  getting additional support. My email address is [email protected]. 

Hope all of you are doing great. And in no way should anyone regardless of wls choice, should think I'm anything but positive about any of the weight loss surgeries (Again, a reminder that I am biologically related to one of the most long term successful wls peeps there is, but is not public about their wls) so I know it can work wonderfully, long term. 

I just try to support wls peeps, regardless of length of their journies and surgeries, whether they had an optimal outcome,  to those who've had a catastrophic one. 

Peace, Lisa 

People could assume the title is either why I'm still alive and/or why I'm still in the wls communities, after everything that's been said and done..

I will elaborate, OK?

Okay, haven't blogged on OH.com for awhile. I actually have been not on social media much, overall, in the last year...

I do get private queries though about gastric bypass  reversals and I still remain in the wls communities online, to provide long term support. 

Everyone needs non judgmental but realistic support. I don't subject the wls communities I participate in, my complications and my gastric bypass reversal. I do talk about it though, because at the time I had mine, NO ONE ELSE had one and I don't believe people should go through scary near death experiences without support. 

At the same time I get all the good things that come from having bariatric surgery. All the confusing things that can happen after bariatric surgery both within ourselves and relationships with others. Whether they are positive or negative or combination there of. 

For the most part, people who are the most ardent wls advocates support what I do and vice versa. I of course have my haters. I get a fair share of hate, given how little of a social media presence that I have. 

For numerous reasons. Such as I do support as a size and fat acceptance advocate that people don't experience fat bigotry and definitely defend peoples right to not want to have bariatric surgery and/or hear about weight loss topics all the time. Especially which should be their safe spaces on the internet. 

People think though that's mutually exclusive, it's not. I can say that promoting body diversity and not shaming any body type is a good thing, not a bad thing. 

The best way I point it out, to my wls peeps who are confused about my stance, because they are so happy they've lost weight they can't see that other people can be of weight and be happy. Or in a lot of situations especially here in the bariatric surgical world, that they start out SMO, such as someone who's maybe 500 lbs, they lose 200, but aren't considered bariatric surgical succcesses because they are still considered Obese. 

Or the health issues both medically and mentally and sometimes treatments that cause Obesity and no one wants to talk about it, especially Mental Health and certain meds, that played apart of my major regain, PRIOR to my reversal and even though I couldn't keep food down, I managed to gain almost a 100 lbs back. 

As a gramma grad, I will tell most people this, unless you're asked specifically, kind of keep your eyes on your own weight loss journey and not judge others. Especially harsh judgements. When you find yourself doing that, realize so many people are left without an avenue of suppport, especially in our own communities. 

At the same time, realize if people are self sabotaging to the point they are a direct threat to their own physical and/or mental health, a concerned peer, will probably say something. 

Where people might be apt to find me a tiny bit inspirational, even though the scope of my life is so small, is that I have tried to keep weight off, that I do try to make it easier for people to tell their truths, after bariatric surgery both inspiring and horrific. And to be supported.

So that's why I'm still HERE almost 15 years post rny... Peace... 

 

    Actually, my reversal was the day after labor day in 2010 which happened to be 9/7/2010. I'm starting this now and either will edit or do a part 2. 
     My reversal technically did what it was supposed to do. Save my life. The quality though and the scope of my life is still so small. I have severe chronic pain that's hard to control because I either malabsorb meds or have high tolerance to them. I still cannot work, raise my kids, drive.  I also have neurological and cognitive impairments that are irreversible.
     I've stopped debating on regret of having a gastric bypass. And I'm trying to slowly while I still have a lot of social media network contacts because of wls groups I used to belong to, not dwell on it so much, but it's difficult when I still throw up all the time, still have reactive hypoglycemia, and am more carb sensitive now, and never know  what will make me sick still, when I eat, more so post reversal then prior to. It's unnerving to say the least.
     I still am very supportive of my wls positive friends. That's their perogative. But I realize while the surgeons have changed their protocols drastically, newbies I'm meeting in the last 2 years, who didn't want to hear about my complications even though I had a technically perfect performed laproscopic rny 12-5-2001, that I still nearly died from it, who come back and say they do have some regret as they are getting sick.
       I realize you cannot prep enough because truthfully what will happen to you is unpredictable. You can be compliant from day 1 and die, and you can be the most non compliant patient on the planet and keep off your excess weight for 15 years if not the rest of a long life and never have a complication and be much better for having any of the weight loss surgeries, just like all of them can possibly kill you or compromise greatly your health worse then Obesity which I don't believe in itself is a disease. I've seen thousands of people's stories, I know hundreds of people who've had wls and are senior graduate post ops. Their mileage has varied greatly. 
         I'm grateful to Eric Klein and Obesity Help which I think is the most comprehensive site and resource, for weight loss surgery patients for allowing me to have this blog and keep it up. Peace

August was an awful month, 2 er visits, found out the Friday before Labor Day that I do have new ulcers. I still have trouble eating. September isn't much better.And I just don't have the patience to keep dealing with my normal hospital facility but don't have the patience to switch doctors anymore, either.  It's very frusturating because I kind of can't find anyone who's had similar issues to me. My friends who are wls peeps, I adore them but its hard for them to relate, as a size acceptance advocate, people only want to hear about my complications as a method to scare people from having weight loss surgery and that doesn't sit right with me either as I kind of believe people should have the choice without judgement on whether or not weight loss surgery is for them. And I am kind of in between where I don't think people have a right to tell someone they should have surgery but I don't believe anyone should have that choice taken away from them either nor should they be judged for it. There are things I would still like to say when I feel better as I don't want to be this angry frusturated bariatric surgery patient go wrong anymore who has issues with uncontrollable pain, I might write something more, then...

Not much to say. I don't feel well, my ulcers, I think are back, I have gained 30 lbs this year, and I have a hell of time with pain management as it seems like I still malabsorb nutrients and medications. Reason for the weight gain is because no matter what I eat, it usually makes me really sleepy, and I take the sleep because I have severe uncontrollable pain that from a weight loss point of view, no it's not wise to eat and sleep, any break I can get from the pain I will take, problem is the weight I've gained is in my mid section only, which makes my pain levels worse,it's a vicious cycle. I have more energy not eating at all then when I do eat. I had labs drawn on Friday, will be interesting to see where they are(it took 5 months for my ferritin to go from a 9 to a 13 which it was in June). I haven't seen my bariatric surgeon for about 5 months, with my ulcers being symptomatic, I think that's about to change, I was hoping to go the rest of the year without having to bother him....
    People ask me when I talk about being reversed, whether or not I "regret" it. There's no choice in reversals for most people, they have to have them to save their lives or because the quality of their lives has been drastically reduced. I just am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't want to have to think like a bariatric surgical patient anymore, period. My surgeon told me in March that it could take a year for my reversal to "work". It's been 11 months, I am still waiting. At least, though there has been an amazing amount of time this year that I didn't have severe abdominal pain. Most of Jan and Feb, I did not, and it only came back when I was put on Topamax and that made me really sick (I have chronic migraines).For the last month now on and off the pain is back intermittently as well as the nausea and vomiting. I am at the point where I've had so many endoscopies,the next one I get scheduled for I could probably perform myself. At this point while last year having my reversal and not revising to another surgery wasn't an option for me, even though I probably was one of the heaviest reversal patients ever, I at this point just want my whole entire digestive system removed...Maybe when I feel better, I can write a clearer, concise less ranty update....  

I am 6 months post op open rny reversal. I haven't blogged for about 3 months because I really didn't have the energy to. Finally in January my severe abdominal pain went away and it's gotten to the point I don't want to be a bariatric wls gone wrong angry person any more.But I still have active complications like dumping and reactive hypoglycemia,that I guess will always make me have a foot in the door in the wls community as I can relate still better as a wls post op, more about that later.
   Believe it or not as anti-wls as I am, I am however not anti-social about it. I have social network contacts that are pre-ops and newbies. After sharing a concern or too, I am respectful and supportive. I don't ever though congratulate people on their weight loss specifically. I congratulate people on feeling better. I don't secretly hope they will have complications because they are happy about it,I do wonder though how they will feel if they if they get hit later with negative life altering conditions. I hope that they don't have to grow though what I have and so many growing senior graduate post ops are living with, as well as newbies do as they get hit hard from day 1. One of my closest friends was only moderately to morbidly obese for 5 years as a 10 years post, she had to have hip replacement even though she never had joint problems prior to surgery,hers were from having complications from day 1 and severe nutritional deficiences. She's probably been in the hospital 2 dozen times now. She's 35 years old..One of my best friends had a vbg and was reversed 8 years post op. She also has MS. The first friend, would never consider having a reversal even though its disabled her, she's too terrified of gaining weight back, to her its worth the continual risk having her rny intact unless her life is immediately threatened by her rny. 
         My best friend I can say it wasn't worth it. Please don't mistake that I don't know the excitement when losing weight brings. I've read thousands upon thousands  of stories, being 9 years post op and I know hundreds of people personally who've had the surgery. I remember the excitement when I got into single digits. Even though when I started working out 3 year post op,I had complications for awhile, I went from a 9-10 to a size 4-6 quite unintentionally, I had all at that point, I could fit and look great in tiny cute clothes, and I could eat pretty much what I wanted, my caloric consumption was at least 3000 calories a day. Because I started working out athletically, obviously it had to be a protein based, complex carb type diet. I didn't want to build up bulky I did an amazing job of toning though. Because I was so effective in working out while I was able to reduce my fat cells to basically nothing, while I needed a panni at 9, I didn't need one at 4. 
        So its not that I don't relate. A lot of people who embark on this surgery have lost the total weight equivalent to when I was my heaviest. I knew how uncomfortable I was at 233, I just didn't have surgery to feel better I didn't have the cormorbidities that are associated as being caused by obesity. I can't imagine what it would have felt like physically to be two hundred pounds plus, overweight. 
       I just don't like the discounting and disassociation and disrespect that people do after wls. They say they didn't have a life before. Even though, they worked, had jobs, were married and children. They could walk unassisted and drive. 
       I hope that going forward every one has a positive journey, if not, I hope they get the medical and emotional support they need as I know how its like when your life is physically and emotionally upside down. I know that wls is not the easy way out. It is however the easiest way to lose over a 100 lbs in less then a year. I just don't think our bodies were meant to do that, and that's why as the wls community continues to grow you are going to see more people get sick, especially as of recent, roux-en-y gastrojuenostomies still get promoted as the most effective weight loss surgery there is.
        There is only one reason why I will never regret having my surgery and that's because my mindset as I was losing weight was confused the 1st year and I got pregnant with my daughter. It was someone with I did have a history with prior to my surgery but I should have never dated(ironically he's bbw lover,which is great, being a pathological liar is not). If I wouldn't have had the confusion that wls brings with all the almost immediate physical transformations for some of us, if I would have never had surgery I probably would have have never saw him again. So she was worth it, it was not. So I relate to both sides. I still remain an anti-wls advocate as I have a beautiful daughter who I love more then anything (as well as her 18 year old brother)but I am too sick to raise properly. It is worth it to try and get to be your personal physical and mentally fit. Is WLS though really worth it to get there though, I will always wonder that. I have to go lay back down now, the hour it took to write this has left me exhausted.
       I apologize that this turned out to be more of rant then a blog. Some of my musings though are worth considering further. I wish you the best of luck and good health on your journies. Lisa

So last Wednesday I had the picc put in, Thursday, my surgeons office calls to say they will schedule me for 1 infusion but that it's up to my primary care physician to order future infusions where she is based out of, where they know where she is and the fact I don't drive, I can't anymore cause of health reasons and my pcp is 45 MILES AWAY. 
      Problem is at this point, while I adore my surgeon, we have antoganized each other by him being passive aggressive,condescending and finally fed up with me, and I in return give him my self righteous indignant attitude it's not working for me anymore, or him. I got so mad after my endoscopy, which I told him before I still feel acutely ill, and that I can't stand literally, and or bear feeling this way anymore. It would be one thing to let him off the hook, if my reversal actually worked, I am actually sicker now then I have ever been other then my abdominal pain which has been severe at times, hasn't been as severe constant as it was this summer.I am still malabsorbing medications and nutrients. My problem for me is I have compliance issues. I am not drinking battery acid though,to create new complications and worse pain.
       After my endoscopy which he said to come back for another one in 6 weeks because I had a small ulcer that needed to be biopsied (not worried about biopsy) I didn't say much but I knew I had it. I am sorry at this point I didn't tell him off. What I did do was get so anxiety ridden that I couldn't stay at the hospital much longer. I realize that the anxiety that going to that hospital,dealing with ER staff, the way they treat me, I can't bear it anymore. I ran into him an hour later and just said I wanted picc line removed and I was done that I couldn't take it anymore, which he is so sick of me, he just had his assistant arrange an order just for the removal and I left. I can understand I have an attitude problem, and I don't put up with crap from anybody, I also freely admit I am a huge pain in the azz to treat as I am blunt and wordy and can be cynical, but I have seen too much from interactions with nursing staff, and other patients with complications to know this isn't just in my head and my problems are not all my fault.When I am at home, I pretty much am either sitting down or lying down, I can't do anything else 90% of my time.
        I don't think I have it in me anymore to start all over again with a new hospital system, new doctors, etc. My pcp has been so put upon to fix things that should have been my surgeons from the start I don't feel comfortable seeing her anymore either...
         I am not catastrophically ill, their shouldn't be such a reduction in my quality of life, but this has gotten so ugly, that physically and emotionally I am a wreck, that while I won't do anything to hurt myself further, I have feeling that the only way I am gonna get diagnosed is via autopsy...