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Jul 09, 2010

Well, made it through my first week, working 40 hours...it's been a lot of years since I did that.  I don't enjoy working this much...but I know the paycheck is going to be worth it...and really, it isn't like I have anything better to do.  Maybe if Bill was home all the time, but he isn't...so I might as well be making extra money.  i know I will be able to add to my retirement plan once this bankruptcy is through...and whatever I put in, they match me, dollar for dollar...with no limits...so I am stupid not to do it.  Seems that these last 20 or so years is all about saving for retirement now...and if I want to be 6 months in Canada, and 6 months some place warm...then I had better work my ass off now to make sure I get it.
I'm tired...really, really tired...but of course I can't sleep past 6 am...WTH...the other night I fell asleep at 8;30...but was up by 5:30...so I didn't gain much there.  I am looking at the clock here now, almost 8:30...thinkin'...damn, its friday night, and I am ready for bed...When exactly did that happen...aren't we supposed to get excited about the weekend...partying, and dancing, and just having a grand ol' time...Frick...have I got one foot in the grave already?????  Ah well, hopefully, soon, my body will get used to these long days and I will be back to my normal energenic self.
I sure am missing my sweet heart.  You know, he is a gem, and he calls me twice a day...but this is the first time we have not been able to skype, due to a computer malfuntion on his end...so I haven't seen him...and he is so visually stimulating.
I know I can look at pictures of him...but it isn't the same.  Ah well, just one more week to go....this time next Friday, he will be hold me, and loving me...and sexing me!!!  Poor guy doesn't get much of a break when he is jet lagged...Well, lucky for me, he can keep up, LOL!
I'm on to reading "Ask and It Will Be Given".  Excellent reading, along a spiritual line.  i am waiting for messages from God, but it had to be borrowed from another library, so as soon as it comes in I will read that one too.  Also have 'laws of Attraction"...and this is all stuff that I truly believe in...I know it works, cuz I have worked it.  I haven't read the bible in a few days...not giving up on it...just needing a bit of a break from it...because I was reading, but not absorbing...so as soon as these other two books are done, I will get back to it.  I also got some DVD's from the library on spiritual stuff...gosh, I think they were due back today...Oh well...guess i will pay the late charge, cuz I am not going out again this evening.
Went and bought some groceries...thankfully with both Kyle and I sleeved, a little goes a long way...but it still cost me $125...sheesh...one would think we were eating steak and lobster everynight, but trust me...we are NOT!  I guess it is the sugar free things that cost so much...and that Danactive....now, it was on sale today...buy 2 and get them for $4.99 each...couldn't pass that up...that stuff works great for getting my bowels working the way they should.  must be the probiotics...don't know, don't  care...all I know is i like it...and it keeps things from pissing out...I have IBS incase you are wondering...and I rarely get constipated...but have diarhea a lot!
Kyle is doing amazing...i took some pics of him yesterday morning...the difference in him...from 6 weeks ago is amazing...Fricken men!!!!  They lose like there is no tomorrow.  My weight yesterday was 149...so I am upping the water, and cutting back on the carbs...I'm still below goal...but only by a pound and that is too close for comfort for me.  I would love to lose 5 lbs before I go away on vacation...but It would take me a month or more likely 2 to lose that...so just as long as I am down a pound or 2 I will be happy.
My youngest son is at me again...Gosh he knows how to push my buttons...hundreds of miles away...yet still he gets to me.  On facebook I posted yesterday...something about not using Can't as an excuse, and find reasons why you Can...so he posted, does this mean you are going to be moving closer to your granddaughter or is that a "can't'.  I posted back with the truth.  That is not a "can't", that is a NO, my life is here...i am loving my life right now.  So, he didn't respond to that...so perhaps he is pissed, or perhaps not...he hates it when I tell him no for anything...but as I told him in the last letter I wrote him...Time to grow up...quit blaming the world for your shit...if you don't like the life you are living, then change it.  I refuse to be the reason his life is messed up...he can think that all he wants I guess, but I am not going to feel guilty for it anymore.
All these little things...they show me...I am gaining ground...I am gaining self confidence...I am not appologizing to anyone for the life I lead...this is MY LIFE...and I will do what I damn well please.  I am becoming much more assertive...it is a wonderful, empowering feeling.

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About Me
Red Deer,
Location
29.4
BMI
VSG
Surgery
04/17/2008
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Feb 21, 2008
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