anne_b

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I never thought I would be saying this, but food is very much over-rated.  At least 10 weeks post-op.  No matter how hard I try, the most I can eat at one sitting is three bites.  Then comes the trick of trying to keep it down.  If I eat a little too fast ---- blaaaahhh!  If the food has a weird aftertaste ---- blaaaahhh!  If the food has a slimey texture ---- blaaaahhh!  I am now able to pace myself pretty well when I am eating by myself and NEVER eat anything unless I know a bathroom (ideally) or trash can (last resort) is nearby.  

But the trick is trying to eat a meal with others.  I had dinner in a restaurant with my husband earlier this week and they inadvertantly took his only remaining fork when they removed his salad plate when the main course arrived.  Of course the waiter was nowhere to be found and the restaurant was packed so we couldn't steal a fork off another table.  So I lent him my fork.  That bought me about ten minutes of having a reasonable excuse for not eating, but then my fork arrived.  Three bites and that was it.

Then a couple of nights later, we went out to dinner with our two boys after their Christmas program at school.  By the time we arrived at the restaurant, it was just a few minutes before 9:00 p.m. and my husband suddenly realized that we still needed to buy holiday-themed shirts and Santa hats for the boys' last day of school before Christmas vacation the next day.  Not sure when Target closes, I vollunteered to go get the shirts while my husband ordered my food to go.  They would stay at the restaurant and have their dinner while I went shopping, and then I would come back and get them.

Either I am a very fast shopper or service was reallllly slow that night (probably a little of both), but I came back to the restaurant a little disappointed to learn that my family were still waiting on their main course.  Dang, here we go again.  The waitress then brought my food, and then three bites later, ho hum.  As much as I used to love food, as my top weight of 312 lbs. will attest, it sure is a big drag now, especially when you spend the majority of a meal watching other people eat.  Yawn.

As sensitive as my stomach now is, eating with others also brings the risk of smelling and watching someone else eat food that makes me want to gag.  There are so few foods that I can eat in public.  But the worst is one someone orders something like, a big old oily piece of fried fish or something that comes with a stinky helping of garlic sauce.  The trick then becomes how not to throw up in front of your dining partner.  I am not sure what Emily Post would say, but I doubt I would score any ettiquette points for barfing at the dinner table.

But my biggest dilemma now is trying to figure out how to eat with others without getting bored.  Sure it gives me a great opportunity to corner the conversation, but I am not used to this.  At the same time, I really don't want to be asking my dining partners a lot of probing questions because, quite frankly, I want them to hurry the heck up and finish their meal, especially if it makes me want to gag.

I suppose I could start learning some parlor tricks, like how to balance a salt shaker on its edge, make little paper worms out of drinking straw wrappers that magically crawl across the table, or how to fold dollar bills in such a way that depict a giant mushroom cloud instead of George Washington's head.  Either that or teach all my friends and loved ones who I eat with often how to eat really, really fast.

"My Lord, God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am
following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But, I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and will never leave me to face my perils alone."

I really don't know if God truly approves of me having bariatric surgery, but because I am trying to better do His will by having it, I think this makes God happy. And even without all the amazing coincidences I wrote about yesterday, I trust that God and all of his guardian angels will be with me during my surgery next week. I am never alone in all of this, and for today I am at peace with my decision to have the surgery. Thank you Lord.

Prayer of St. Francis (also known as the 11th Step Prayer in 12-Step programs)

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

St. Francis of Assisi - 13th Century