Suckiness

Nov 15, 2010

I haven't really gained.  I'm not really even at a plateau.  I seem to lose three to six lbs, gain two back, and lose some and gain some, still going down but ever so slowly because of the inconsistency.  I am just finally at that point where the "gung ho" attitude has left me.  I'm not "out"; I'm still in.... I just keep jumping back and forth.  Just a quick whine...why must it be so hard!!!????

It's my fault 100% too.  I hate exercising.  I LOVE how I feel after I exercise... but I just so hate getting off my butt and actually doing it!  The less I do it, the less I want to do it and the cycle begins!!  I mostly am eating within the rules, except when I don't.  When I don't I'm just eating unhealhty choices.  I have managed not to keep them in the house though, or to do fast food for every meal... so so far it still hasn't gone back to pre-band.  I still record everything, which helps a lot.  

I am slightly too tight.  It might be other people's sweet spot, but I really just can't take it.  I can't eat more than 2 bites in the morning until like 10am.  It takes me 1 hour to eat my lunch of less than a cup.  I am not always satisfied for even 3 hours with mostly dense protein even then; I think because it's so hard to eat enough.  I have to have snacks.  I think I'm going to try for the 6 meals a day (but really tiny) thing.  That might help a lot.  Really it's like three meals and three snacks.  Or at least try to make it the plan.  Then if I don't need a meal I'll be fine.  Sometimes I have a bit of an acid feeling in my throat at night, and it doens't seem to be because of the food I've eaten that day.  So I made an appointment for a slight unfill on Thursday.  

In order to try to lift my own spirits, I have forced myself to trudge through a book a cognitive therapist gave me about 7 years ago that I've let collect dust all this time, The Overcoming Bulemia Workbook.  Technically I do not have Bulemia since I've never purged.  However, she was quick to mention how the binging behavior is related.  So I went through and picked out the information I felt applied to me and made myself a little handout to look at when I need help.  It starts with the sad reality that there is no "quick fix" and essentially no transfer addictions are really better (though to a certain degree exercise would be a wonderful one to have, I really don't see that happening based on my previous statements lol).  However, it includes ideas that are more positive and I think Mindfullness might help me the most.  So I'm going to work on that and I'm going to post my notes on the board.  Maybe they'll help someone else too.  

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About Me
52.5
BMI
Surgery
04/07/2010
Surgery Date
Apr 01, 2010
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