anonymouslyobese
Suckiness
Nov 15, 2010
I haven't really gained. I'm not really even at a plateau. I seem to lose three to six lbs, gain two back, and lose some and gain some, still going down but ever so slowly because of the inconsistency. I am just finally at that point where the "gung ho" attitude has left me. I'm not "out"; I'm still in.... I just keep jumping back and forth. Just a quick whine...why must it be so hard!!!????It's my fault 100% too. I hate exercising. I LOVE how I feel after I exercise... but I just so hate getting off my butt and actually doing it! The less I do it, the less I want to do it and the cycle begins!! I mostly am eating within the rules, except when I don't. When I don't I'm just eating unhealhty choices. I have managed not to keep them in the house though, or to do fast food for every meal... so so far it still hasn't gone back to pre-band. I still record everything, which helps a lot.
I am slightly too tight. It might be other people's sweet spot, but I really just can't take it. I can't eat more than 2 bites in the morning until like 10am. It takes me 1 hour to eat my lunch of less than a cup. I am not always satisfied for even 3 hours with mostly dense protein even then; I think because it's so hard to eat enough. I have to have snacks. I think I'm going to try for the 6 meals a day (but really tiny) thing. That might help a lot. Really it's like three meals and three snacks. Or at least try to make it the plan. Then if I don't need a meal I'll be fine. Sometimes I have a bit of an acid feeling in my throat at night, and it doens't seem to be because of the food I've eaten that day. So I made an appointment for a slight unfill on Thursday.
In order to try to lift my own spirits, I have forced myself to trudge through a book a cognitive therapist gave me about 7 years ago that I've let collect dust all this time, The Overcoming Bulemia Workbook. Technically I do not have Bulemia since I've never purged. However, she was quick to mention how the binging behavior is related. So I went through and picked out the information I felt applied to me and made myself a little handout to look at when I need help. It starts with the sad reality that there is no "quick fix" and essentially no transfer addictions are really better (though to a certain degree exercise would be a wonderful one to have, I really don't see that happening based on my previous statements lol). However, it includes ideas that are more positive and I think Mindfullness might help me the most. So I'm going to work on that and I'm going to post my notes on the board. Maybe they'll help someone else too.