Marsha Joseph

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Well it's almost that time. I was so overwhelmed the last few days but today I have peace! God's will be done in my life! I will post as soon as I can.

I am ready for this journey and glad for the friends Ihave made thus far.
Thank you Toni...... you rescued me in the midst of panic!!!

Catch you on the slim side!!!!!!!

I need to blog. I have never been more nervous in my life than I am at this point. I felt like running and never stopping. Running from me , life my weight, my insecurities. I didn't realize how much of an emotional toll this surgery would have on me until last week.

I look back over the past year and there were times when i just loved me and my weight didn't matter. I knew I was sexy, had my head held high and strutted my stuff and then thers today. I don't feel so hot today. I feel ashamed and sad, lonley and scared, confused and angry. Angry at me for not trying harder, for not doing more and giving more to myself. i seem to give to everyone else but me. 09-15-2010 is my turning poing and I want to give more to me!  Even if it means being selfish!

I want to learn how to swim, so I can swim with my boyfriend, I want to run and not from my problems or life but run with the sun warming my face and and the wind welcoming me as if I was one with it. I want to love with reckless abandonment, inspite of what has been said or done. I want to give of my time, my heart, my experiences. .... I WANT TO GIVE ME!!!

I welcome this new life that is to come, I welcome not only changing how I eat but changing how I love, how I give, how I think and how I speak. My ACTIONS will speak for me! I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR THRU CHRIST JESUS....I AM A CHAMPION AND I CAN DO ALLL THINGS THRU CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!

I won't give up like I have done in past times thinking I can't make it, it's too hard. I WELCOME THIS CHALLENGE.....I WELCOME THESE LIFE CHANGES

VENTING.......... I had a really rough weekend... very unhappy with me, my looks ...feeling so blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
it's almost the 15th I am still nervous but very excited......

This is my first blog and to be honest I am really nervous! I still don't have any friends on here and I requested a few still waiting but I need support. I am so nervous and I am actualy thinking about cancelling. 

I am torn because I know it will be a great change for me but I am still unsure if maybe I can just do it on my own.
I know God will be with me, I am praying for strength!