Toni Ocean
Like the stories of so many others on OH, I have been big all of my life...starting at approximately age 2. For the most part, I've worked hard to be ok with my size. I did what I wanted to do, traveled, earned academic degrees, worked hard. I exercised, was strong, funny, smart. I was healthy: no diabetes, no high blood pressure, normal cholesterol. I have felt like the poster child for genetic obesity: big.
When the media messages would get too strong, I'd remind myself that 'It's just a body'. In times of huge motivation, I've lost weight more than once and gained that weight and more back. (why do we call it 'lose weight'? i know where it goes...and it's right there when I'm done with the weight loss program...it comes right come back.) Again, the genetics of the situation poke up and say: big.
In 2006, I was diagnosed with celiac disease. I avoid all foods with wheat, oats, barley or rye. Most people with celiac disease end up with a type of medical--not psychological--anorexia. Not me. The genetics said 'big'.
This year, the genetics that say 'big' have been joined by pain. I have degenerative joint disease in my knees. Sometimes the joint pain spreads to my hips, ankles and feet. I take prescription narcotic pain medication every day. I've begun using a cane, and have a handicapped placard for my car.
Because of the pain, my mobility is limited. I love to swim--and swam daily during the summer in the pool where i live--but ran out of money just short of opening a membership at the local gym. I've gained a bit more weight due to the lack of exercise.
And now, I've attended one intro seminar, done lots of research, started the process for lap band surgery with one surgeon whom I have since fired, and have another consult next week. I believe that healing takes place within relationship, so I've actively sought a surgeon known for expertise and ability to connect with patients.
My medical insurance will pay nothing, although my primary doctor is in full agreement that this is the way for me to go. He's agreed to help however he can--probably with any pre-op testing that might be required. He's also agreed to be part of the team that helps me to heal.
