One Year Ago

Apr 22, 2011

April 21, 2010 I was being wheeled down to the OR a sobbing mess.  I can laugh about it now.  But I was terrified. I even wrote my daughters letters in case something terrible happened to me.  I remember the nurse anesthetist who wheeled me down to the OR suite was trying to make small talk to calm me down - and I'm not even sure he could understand my answers through my blubbering.  168 pounds and over 2 feet less than I was then, I am now an entirely different person - inside and out. 

I saw my before pictures at my 1yr check up yesterday... I looked swollen.  I looked so unhealthy.  It brought back memories of hobbling around the state fair with aching feet and a sore back... Specifically skipping movies at theatres where I wasn't sure the arm rest would lift up to give me more room... Pretending to buckle my seatbelt on the airplane to reserve the small amount of integrity from asking for a seatbelt extender... Only wearing dingy old Crocs because my feet were too swollen and chubbby to comfortably fit into anything else... Sleeping on the couch at night because my lower back hurt so bad in our bed... Not being able to even sit on the floor to play with my daughters because my legs fell asleep so quickly....  Feeling ashamed. Embarassed.  Gross.

All of that is gone now.  I'm not afraid anymore.  I'm not trying to hide in the corner of my life pretending that the quieter I am, people won't notice just how big I am.  I used to get out of breath climbing out of my little car.... now I still have energy after an hour on the StairMaster.  I have energy, confidence... complete happiness.


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About Me
Twin Cities, MN
Location
31.5
BMI
RNY
Surgery
04/21/2010
Surgery Date
Feb 25, 2010
Member Since

Friends 35

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