aphephobicfriend
New life to go with the new body...
Jan 14, 2013
One thing I am not a fan of about plastics is the healing process. man bariatric surgery is like a walk in the park compared to this stuff. I am almost 6 weeks out and I'm supposed to be wearing a compression garment for the next six weeks. (And, like anyone who has been through PS I am damn certainly gonna follow my surgeons requirements to the T. too much money spent to risk messing up my result in any way!) I hate the garment because I live in Florida, and even though its january I would really be wearing shorts right now if the leg parts didn't go most of the way down my thighs. I'm also not a fan of the pee hole- even though its convenient, its kinda gaping large, and it makes me feel like I'm super exposed in my most private area. That's really annoying.
My surgeon, impressive though he is in some regards, is not always so great in the precise-instruction department. I often am left wondering things, or calling the office back for clarification.
I got my drain removed on Christmas eve, which was nice for the holiday. On Christmas we noticed that I had two little stitches in a lipo area that they had apparently forgotten to take out at the doc's office. Luckily, my aunt is a doctor and she took em out for me, but talk about shake your confidence in your home surgeon.
anyway, I spent a lot of time in a car for the holidays. The day after christmas I came back to Gainesville. I'm a law student, and I was moving everything out of my apartment to do a semester internship in Houston, to see if I wanted to settle down there (as opposed to Florida, where I am now). Mostly the move was socially motivated- I had a hard time plugging in to a community here, and if I was going to make a fresh start, it seemed advantageous to do it in a city where I had connected easily, and where I already have friends and family.
That was the initial plan anyway. Things got hard because the Public defenders office doesnt hire out of law school. I also applied with the District attorneys office, and they hire out of law school, but I am way more slanted toward being a defense attorney. Also, I expected to hear in time to move all of my stuff out of my Gainesville apartment before surgery. That did not happen. Instead I was scrambling around the day after christmas, trying to get everything taken care of in a 2 day window including selling all my furniture and finding a subleasor.
Since my father had already been to gainesville once that month, I asked around with my friends to see if anyone was willing to move my stuff with me. obviously, being right over 3 weeks out, I wasnt allowed to lift anything much (not over 20 lbs). My best guy friend Don is always down for an adventure- and he rose to the calling. I promised him a spectacular road trip, feeding and drink expenses, and a flight back to gainesville.
We set off on August 29th for New Orleans. The morning was spent selling furniture and loading everything else I own in my car. there was zero space to spare. thankfully, don is an engineer grad student. that definitely helped. After the 8 hour long car trip, I was ready to hit up Bourbon street. I had only had maybe a glass of alcohol since before thanksgiving, so I was very ready to 'catch up'. Thankfully, Don and I have been friends for a year and a half, so I feel no inhibitions about having a good ole' time and getting back safely. He drinks a lot too, but also manages his alcohol better than me.
Things get weird when we get back to my mothers apartment. Don is a friend from church, and we've been friends so long that I honestly didn't think anything could really change that. Add to that a conversation that went about like this, back in November:
Don: Uh... where do you see our relationship going?
Me: (Proceed to word vomit all my thoughts).... Well, I'm not really attracted to you romantically. But that may be because you always treat me really platonically.... I mean, maybe it would change? I am willing to explore that so long as you can PROMISE me we could go back to being friends if we don't work out... I mean if I don't end up being attracted ....
Don: Wait. Actually, I'm not attracted to you either. I just want to be friends.
Me: (Wondering why the heck we had to have this discussion).... ooohhh. okay. yeah. well, that's simpler. and that's what we both want. cool.
In between that convo and New Orleans, we spent time together a lot (but we had before that too). He also came to Miami, and I did thanksgiving with his family (which he assured me wasnt too relationship-y, I was stuck in Florida and we were coming back from our miami trip, so it made sense).
Well, that night in New Orleans, things changed. I went downstairs to the bedroom he was sleeping in to retrieve my pajamas, and he threw me onto the bed and started touching me... and then a few seconds later, kissing me. It shocked the hell outta me because he had given me no indication previously that his feelings had changed whatsoever. So, when my brain catches up to my body, I tell him to stop. He's too close of a friend to be a drunken hook-up, I tell him. Not to mention I dont ever hook up with friends really. Then he admits that he's been thinking about doing that for awhile, and I remember our earlier conversation about trying... and so I just try. Clothes come off. sex almost happens.... thankfully, I happened to always keep condoms at my place, the entire contents of which was in my car. The next morning I wake up naked lying next to one of my best friends, in the downstairs bedroom of my mothers apartment which I was certainly not planning on sleeping in. Furthermore, in the light of day facts swiftly catch up to me. The boy next to me had way more to drink than I did. In fact, he's the first person I know to successfully consume 2 hand grenades. and he had more than that. Second fact: this boy has never before had any kind of intimacy with a girl. never. no kisses, no hand-holding, nothing. and I nearly took his virginity.
I wait for him to stir and try as calmly as possible to question him about the previous night. He smiles at me when he wakes.
Me: "Are you okay?"
Don: "Yeah, I'm good. Are you?"
Whew. next question, less sure. Me: "Do you... do you remember last night?"
Don: "Yes, of course. I knew what I was doing."
For the rest of our trip, I explored the physical side of my relationship with this man at night in the bedroom. We didn't touch much during the day at first, though that happened more as time went on. Eventually, I gave my virginity to him (and he gave me his) the last night that we were together. We were at my destination in Houston.
At the time I had sex with him, I didn't know what we were going to do after he left. He wanted to try to date long distance. I didn't. I guess I kinda thought it would be a special thing that we could share together, and that it would be worthy of being my first time, and I didn't need to figure out the relationship to decide that.
Sex didn't change things for me. Being intimate with him did change things some- it made me more attached to him. But actual sex as opposed to just being naked with him... no difference. At least for me.
After he left, everything got crazy. my internship was postponed, so I drove to gainesville to spend some more time with him, figure things out, and party my last week of vacation away. And take care of things I haddnt before. We ate dinner on my floor, on napkins because I no longer had my dishes with me, and we drank wine out of cups he was supposed to take to goodwill for me. It was fun. We had sex twice more, but he became very conflicted about it and the spiritual/intimacy implications of the decision to share that. So we stopped. I honestly don't care. I enjoyed the sex, but I know all the benefits to waiting, and I think its much more important that he feels comfortable, and maybe that we establish some other types of intimacy more before that gets re-introduced.
Eventually, I was confronted with the reality that he couldnt just shelf our relationship and try to date other people for five months while i was gone. I didn't want to have him committed while I wasn't, so we were looking at a long distance relationship. my first relationship- long distance. His first too. Finally, I realized that being in Houston didnt make any sense at all anymore, with my job possibilities and such, if Florida would still be a realistic desire of mine after the semester ended. It would be hard to look for jobs in Florida while in Houston, and it would be hard to really invest in being in Houston if part of me wanted to be back in Florida. So, I dropped the plans and came back here. No stuff- I didn't have time to go to Houston and get it. No furniture- I had sold it all. And a week late for classes.
My biggest holdback was that I was worried people would assume I moved halfway across the country for a boy. He definitely did tip the scales, but I know that I was almost here anyway. And I know that staying in Florida right now and giving this relationship a chance and also working in the system of law I already know is the best step for me right now.
I have a new compression garment that I mentioned earlier. I am still really lethargic still from surgery. I have no furniture. BUT I have a new body, a new boy, and a bunch of new beginnings. so I'm having fun. I bought my first 2 piece swimsuit, and I am very glad I will be in florida to rock it on a beach soon.
whew. what a long post. I guess heart matters warrant more detail. at least in my mind. I'm hoping I keep shrinking- I still fit into all my old clothes, which is a little sad. I like how my stomach looks though, for the most part.
Ann
