April1013
9 Months Already?!
Mar 18, 2010
I cannot believe that I have not updated since my two week post op. Before surgery I was on OH religiously everyday! I definetly have been a busy girl. I got a new job in the new year and picked up a weekend job all while attempting to still have a social life. Doesn't leave me much time, but today for some reason I felt like I had to update because I am feeling so good.I will be honest that I was pretty disgusted with my weight loss at first. It was not coming off as fast as I thought or liked. I knew that the weight loss wouldn't be easy but I sure as hell didn't think that it would be this hard! There were times where I wondered if my new stomach was even working! I was still feeling hungry, able to eat pretty large amounts of food and not losing. There would be weeks where I would eat perfectly and lose. And then weeks where I would be down a pound or two. I felt like I was putting "my all" into it and getting nothing in return. This lack of instant gratification lead me to cheat..eating like I used to, not exercsing, not drinking water. Looking back I am so ashamed that I wasted so much time feeling sorry for myself because I thought that my surgery was a failure. And honestly I stopped coming on OH because I hated looking at others peoples pages and seeing how much they had lost and in what time frame and I would compare myself to them and wonder why I couldn't be there. This phase lasted entirely to long for me but I am soooo happy to say that I have completely changed everything. I had to be very honest with myself. I don't think that people understand that mental struggles you go through when you have an eating problem. I HAVE AN EATING PROBLEM. I WILL ALWAYS HAVE AN EATING PROBLEM. For some reason I look to food for everything. Bad day, good day, bored, axious, excited. It all leads back to what I can put in my mouth for that temporary fix. What I had to learn is that the temporary "fix" I was getting was actually making me more unhappy in the long run. And what I thought was giving "my all" was really NOT. I can say with 100% honesty that now I am giving it my all. Everyday I am planning what I eat, cooking my meals, packing food to go, counting calories, getting my protein, making sure I drink my water, get my workout in, taking my supplements. Everyday now what I tell myself when I feel tempted is "Is it really worth it??" Is it worth the two hours spent in the gym everyday, is it worth the insane amount of money I know spend on healthy groceries? Is it worth getting a $32,000 surgery and having no results??? HELL NO. No food will EVER be worth it again to me. It truly changes your whole life when you decide to give in. And it is so hard. Somedays I think why did I have to be this overweight, why do I have so much weight to lose? But then I think of what a blessing having this surgery is. I could never imagine losing this much weight on my own. I will be honest and say that I probably wouldn't have the dicipline too. I am just so thankful for my "tool" and now that I am putting in the work, it is really starting to pay off.
I started out at 270..when I weighed myself a week ago I was 200 and I am pretty sure I have hit "onederland" but I only weigh myself once a week now so I have to wait a few more days to find out. I came from a size 20/22 to a size 14 and I just bought several pairs of 12 skirts and shorts for summer that I can button but are snug so my goal is to be in those by April. I came from a 44d to a 38C. I used to wear a 10/11 in shoes, not I can get into a 9 (I'm still trippin over that). I can see my collar bones, my arms are thin and toned looking (saggy when I shake though :( ) I can't believe the change in my facial structure. The other day a cashier asked me if it was really me on my licensce picture I was asked twice recently if I was a model..lol. My friends and family can't believe how I look..they are calling me skinny now! How crazy is that..me skinny?? LOL I never had a lack of confidence, I always dressed well and looked nice but now I feel like I don't even care how I appear on the outside because I feel so good on the inside. I used to not leave the house with makeup or nice clothes now, I live in my leggings and t-shirts and still feel sexy! I hardly wear revealing tops anymore. I actually own roundneck shirts which have never existed in my closet before! My life is so great. Everyday I am just so happy that I decided to do something to change my situation. It is the best decision I have ever made for myself and my only regret is I didn't do it sooner. In a few weeks I plan on going for a consultation for a tummy tuck to do this summer. I have 30 more pounds to go and I am feeling very confident by the time my one year roles around I will already be there. I definetly lost weight at a much slower pace than a lot of other people I know but I am so proud of myself! When I stopped comparing myself to what other people had done I started being happy with my own success. 70 pounds in 8 months is amazing! I look like a "normal" person. I don't feel like the fat girl anymore. I was always more than that but I guess it took losing the weight to really see it. I am so blessed, I really can't say it enough. It has definetly been a struggle but I feel like I have finally made it through the storm. My OH friends please keep me in your thoughts. I need encouragement and support and it means so much coming from those who understand. :)
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About Me
West Bloomfield, MI
Location
40.8
BMI
Surgery
06/30/2009
Surgery Date
Feb 03, 2009
Member Since
