Aquon
THIS WAS MY BLOG FROM SEPTEMBER 16, 2006, 2 DAYS BEFORE MY SURGERY.
I grew up a "fat kid". It used to bother me when people picked on me. I even got beat up for being fat. Kids can be cruel. Once, in second grade, on the way home from school, in a light rain, this boy from out of no where kicked me down in a big muddy puddle. He yelled "aaaahhhhhaaa fat ass!" as he ran past me. I was so embarrased. We had an assembly that day at school and I sang. I sang my heart out and got a standing ovation. In seconds I went from "the lil fat boy who can sing" to "the fat ass who got kicked in some mud". I was ridiculed and laughed at for weeks after. All I could do was cry.
Move on to my teen years. My grandmother and family told me, people were just jealous of me because I was smart (str8 A's, skipped in the fourth grade, scored off the charts on every standardized test, IQ off the charts) and talented (good artist, could write stories, plays, poems, songs, musician, singer, featured soloist in church). I believed it. So I stopped letting the fat jokes bother me. Instead, I began to laugh at some of them myself. I also began to make fat jokes about myself. It was therapy for me. Once in class in 10th grade, everyone was cracking on each other, in all good fun. This one kid got vicious with his and "attacked" me and my weight. He intended on hurting my feelings, instead of having fun like everyone else was doing. So, after he made his last joke, I said to him, "Is that all you got?" I proceeded to rip him apart. Instead of me being the joke, he became the joke. I even had the teacher laughing. He left the class, in tears. Therapy is goooood...lol.
I felt good about myself and my self esteem got out of the gutters and went thru the roof. Skip to today. My confidence remains up. I am grateful that I learned to love myself. Then it hit me. Hard. My weight caught up with me. I became unhealthy to the point of death and it was all because of my weight. I won't go into great detail about my health issues, but I am dealing with, hypertension, congestive heart failure, asthma, sleep apnea, and chronic fatigue. It has hindered me, greatly. My doctor made me quit work, and go on disability. For what I get in a month on disability i made in a week. Drastic changes occurred in my and my family's life. My wife stuck by me, through all of it. She could have easily left and went back to her mom's, but she didn't. He reason, she told me before God and man she said "in sickness and health, good and bad, till death do us part, that she would love me no matter what". I pray every dude is this blessed.....
Being on disabilty messes with a man's "man-hood". No longer could I hand my wife my wallet and not care how much she took out of it, no longer could I take the boys out to the movies and out to eat like we used to, and many other things. It has always been a philosophy of mine that "a man feels more like a man when he can work, and provide for, and take care of his family." My weight and health issues stripped this from me, thus it translated that my manhood was stripped from me. But my wife upheld that I am the "man of the house, the priest of this household, father, husband, leader, provider, protector." While I was down in the dumps that she wanted to go and get a $200 hairdo and I couldn't pay for it, she still looked at me with those same loving eyes when I was able to do it. With Jesus' help and the love and support of my family, I got over this.
Skip to right now....Monday, September 18, 2006 at 5:45am I will be entering the hospital to have Gastric Bypass Surgery. I already know that God will make everything go right. I am on the verge of getting my life back. I am on the verge of being able to be a MAN again. I am on the verge of having my health and strength back like I used to. Am I nervous? No. Scared? No. Ready? YES...a resounding yes.
I solicit all of your prayers and well wishes and thoughts. Someone will post about the outcome and my condition after the surgery so you all will be updated. I won't really be around for the next couple days, but you will see me a little bit. Just keep ole Snackz in your prayers....and this is....the....last....brownie....
