Almost 2 months out

Oct 06, 2012

 Wow! It has been a whirlwind couple of months! I feel like so much has happened in such a short amount of time--and it has! I think when I first started looking into surgery, I never imagined what life would truly be like post-op. Now that I'm here, it's a work in progress. No matter how much I read about other people's experiences, it just doesn't compare to first-hand experience. Some things that I've learned over the past couple of months are:

1.) You're losing weight at a fast pace, and your mind needs time to catch up to what it sees. I still see the 299lb. version of me, even though you can clearly see weight loss in my face and some of the clothes I wear. I know it will get better over time, and I need to be patient. I didn't gain my weight overnight, and I can't expect it to fall off just as fast. 

2.) Mourning food is a natural part of the process. I definitely wasn't prepared for this one! I thought I had everything under control, but around a month out, it hit me--hard. It wasn't so much that I was hungry and needed to eat, but the idea that I wouldn't be able to enjoy my food as I once did, really smacked me around. Then, I started realizing that I was putting too much emphasis on the act of eating, and not why I was eating. For me, food became a crutch during some very difficult and traumatic times in my life at an early age, so it was my normal to eat large quantities of food without blinking an eye. Now that I'm on the other side of surgery, though, it just doesn't hold the same meaning as before. I physically cannot stuff my face if I'm having a rough day--I have to deal with it, head on, which can be scary and uncomfortable. However, I'm learning to work through my feelings in a different light. 

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