ASaylor2009
4 weeks out
May 18, 2009
Today marks 4 weeks since I had my surgery. I have not had a fill yet and won't get one until June 4th. In my head I keep thinking that some how a fill won't make a difference for me and that even though I decided to have this surgery I will always be overweight and won't be able to lose the weight. I have done a lot of research, looked through a lot of people's pages on here and realize that I need to get in the gym ASAP! I can tell I'm eating a lot less then I used to eat before, but with no restriction I know I could easily eat what I used to eat. I definitely try to follow my diet but at times find myself making excuses, well... I'm going to eat this now because I shouldn't be able to later, after a fill that is. My pants are getting bigger and people can tell me I have lost weight but I refuse to step on a scale. I keep my scale in my garage. Whenever I have dieted in the past I have found myself getting obsessed and disappointed if I worked out really hard and didn't lose any weight. This time around I don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself. I want this to be a lifestyle change, not a crash diet to pick up my self esteem. I just want it to drop off on it's own but I know that's not possible. My 24th birthday is on Wednesday and I wish I would have lost more weight by now. But... I know that for my 25th birthday I hope to be at my goal weight. I'm frustrated! I'm tired of everyone asking me how much weight I have lost, what did I eat, what am I eating. I feel like I'm under a microscope and everyone is waiting for me to fail. It's a bad feeling! I just hope I can get myself together so I can go to the gym and get my positive outlook back!
